Sunday, July 31, 2005
firstly, must thank all the 执委和筹委 for organising this whole thing,辛苦你们了哦~ personally, i enjoyed myself with all the singing and dancing, and i believe many others did so too. got some form of special treatment when queuing for food which warmed my heart a lot, though its mostly just mischievious on the part of the juniors by forcing much of each dish on my plate.. the "culprits" are as follows: justin, chujie, chaohsiang, peihan and jaymie. then at the end of the queue was served by huanwei with a cup of cordial, i was seriously 受宠若惊 la.. anyway..
虽然如此美中不足也不是没有的。。我在此也不想多说些什么，我不想无意间伤害到任何人。我是爱黄城的，我对中文学会是有热忱的，就因为这样：爱之深责之切吧。很多学长学姐回来都会有这种感觉，然而这些东西还是不要明讲比较好，也不方便。我只能说，虽然我很开心，很享受，但内心却不经意地有那么一点失望。传统的东西，一代传一代的，这个很重要，稍微有一代忘了传一部分，那部分将永远化为乌有、灰飞烟灭。有些东西，少了或改了，影响力可以是很深远的，所以必须小心谨慎。
song and dance were great, erm, something for the song i/cs(peihan&justin) can do without the sound tracks when mass singing next time ya? it sort of dampens the enthusiastic-ness of people who sing ya? also, i think u all did great, 冷场 wasnt the fault of u all so dont blame urself ya? hope 会庆next year will be a better one! =)
12:48 AM
Friday, July 29, 2005
actually dont feel like blogging about what happened yesterday to my mood but i guess i have the obligation to do so as i've worried quite a few people with my facial expression yet again.. haiz.. why does my face show how i feel so obviously??? if only it doesnt.. anyway, ytd was a confusing day? i had my share of fun during P.E and during the show @ esplanade, but was in the deep abyss of depression(did i use this correctly?) at the same time.. firstly, i'm sorry for worrying those people yesterday aka the chinese society juniors who went to watch the show by jack neo and thanks to those who were ever so encouraging and understanding and supportive like justin, chujie, peihan, xinhui, yingjie&cherylene. thanks because all your concern really warmed my heart. =)
lets start with my "dinner" treat @ plaza singapure by my pw group leader, xavier(hey, thanks a lot for the treat!!! =D), at secret recipe! haha, 1st time going such a place to eat in my life where anything you order will definitely be close to $10 one. i ordered marble cheese and strawberry milkshake instead of a set meal as i had to rush back to hwa chong for the arts fest and i dont have much time to eat. while waiting for my food to be served, i went to look for the muah chee xiao xuan^2 and shell want. haiz, i really have to agree i'm stupid, i went to the basement to search in vain, walk round and round and round before finally sms-ing xiao xuan^2 for the location then knew that it is @ the food court instead, haiz. so went up food court and manage to buy 2 boxes of muah chee(one pandan one original) and 2 pieces of crispy pancake then rush back to secret recipe to eat my food.
i was happily enjoying my cheese cake(it was really delicious, the cake was so smooth it just slides down your throat!!!) when peihan called me and say there's a ticket for the jack neo show(the last chinese helicopter) as ningfei cannot make it. haiz, so in the end i have to change plans and go watch the show instead of arts fest(sorry david didi, i bought the ticket le! =( ). not only that, as i've to rush back to school to pass the food to xxx and then back to esplanade for the 8pm show(it was already 6pm at that time), i had to gobble down the cake and the milkshake when it was supposed to be savoured slowly? it was hard as the mixture of the cake with the milkshake was so smooth and so thick at the same time so rushing it was quite hard. then i ran to the bus-stop to wait for the bus to school, my stomach was feeling weird and uncomfortable liaoz. on the bus, got a call from xxx asking me where i was and we settled to meet at a bus-stop so as to facilitate our exchange and i can rush off to esplanade straightaway. also spoke to peihan and asked him to help me carry my bag to esplanade(thanks ph, my bag very heavy i know..thanks thanks) then i sat there quietly for the bus to reach school.
that was when my mood made a turn for the worse, i just suddenly feel very depressed and saddened.. guess i was pretty stressed out at the thought of like 4 tests and all the hw due for next week ba.. a few tears rolled down my face.. finally reach school le and pass the stuff to xxx then i went to the bus-stop to wait for bus 171. waited for a very long time, so frustrated and still feeling bad, tears fell again and the same thing happen on my bus journey to esplanade. i dont know why but i just feel like crying very much and sad thoughts of everything from studies to life keep flooding my mind making it worse. i was drained, both physically and mentally when the bus finally reach marina center and i had to figure out how to go esplanade again. i was rushed for time and my mind was blank and i was quite at a lost at what to do and where to go. i just followed my instinct and walked on, i had to cross a major road with lots of cars(the one in front of suntec city) and in the end i just anyhow cross risking myself being knocked by a car and getting horned by that car but i couldnt be bothered as i have to get to esplanade.. then i keep running and jogging all the way to esplanade with my ankle protesting slightly and shoelaces coming free, i really feel like giving it all up and just sit down on the floor and break down in tears along the way. but i didn't, i ran to esplanade at last. stupid me again, went up to theatre studio instead of the theatre and had to run up and down in vain.. then still go wrong side somemore.. haiz, ask the customer offices for my ticket then 一直吃闭门羹。。。finally got my ticket and went in the theatre, it doesnt end here, i have to excuse-me to a whole row of people so as to get to my seats at the middle of the row.. when i finally reached my seat, i just plopped down and i really felt like crying out loud but i didn't, i manage to control myself. but i was quite anti-social so was quite reluctant to response to the junior's queries.. sorry beng^2 and yingjie.. i didn't mean to be dao de.. ok, that's the end of my encounter accounting for my facial expression at esplanade..
now, on to sth happier, the show! i have to agree jack neo is 真的很厉害，一个人撑起全场的观众，令人不禁对他佩服不已。it was real funny hearing him niao about people and issues and other singapore stuff. the 1st half just hearing him talk and laughing like hell which lifts up my mood greatly! haha, i really laugh until peng, it was during then that i really appreciate at my relatively good exposure to dialect which allows me to grasp what jack neo was saying and laugh together with many others who also understood. then came the interval before the actual drama starts, to be frank, i was pretty offended by the second part.. the way he made fun(maybe not make fun but making funny rather) the death ceremony and everything.. maybe to those who have never ever encountered the death of closed ones, you'll find everything jack neo says very funny and ticklish as they're what you observed from other people's death with cold eye from the side. but for those who have experienced the death of closed ones.. whatever he says that sounds funny pricked on your heart and it doesnt feel good, i could not bring myself to laugh.. i cried when the show starts at 1st because the death of his ah gong in the show is the same as the death of my ah gong a year plus ago.. i didn't really enjoy the show in the end but i could not deny that jack neo is capable to be able to do such a show single-handedly on the stage. after which went home, bathe go online a while and sleep as i am really very tired..
11:54 PM
Thursday, July 28, 2005
haha, today very funny and comical, the most enjoyable thursday chem prac i ever have i think, haha. we were supposed to watch a food chemistry demonstration by justin of all the different food tests on milk powder, egg white and grind peanut. our chem tutor mr rudy lee, as usual, walked round and round the whole lab while justin was doing. we were all quite sian as thursday is really a lousy day for all of us. then, yuanyi and siyu passed me and pork the mortar with the peanut so i happily sat there grinding the peanut for some time. then yuanyi told me to pass around so that it'll get lost and rudy cannot find it and then the prac can be delayed! haha, i immediately did as she told and passed it back to wanxin. haha, after i told wanxin about our evil plot, she hid the mortar in the sink at her bench then tried to cover as much of the sink as possible with her file and bag.
haha, when it was the peanut's test, rudy finally realised that the peanut has disappeared! haha, he super duper slow la, muahaha. his search for the peanut began and it was real funny seeing him check the benches of guys he suspect to have taken the peanuts when they're innocent la. haha, some even say that jaspar has eaten up the peanut so it was in his stomach, wahahaha. the playful guys of our class had their share of fun by being accused of being mischievious when they had no idea had happened la, haha. then rudy started walking around the lab with his neck stretched up down left right to look for the peanut, haha, those that know where the peanut is, aka yuanyi, siyu, weisi, lijie, pork, me, wanxin, hoohoo etc were laughing so hard watching him la. haha, he actually walked by the sink where we hid the peanut four times before discovering the peanut la, hahahahaha. we were like saying最危险的地方就是最安全的地方but mr lee dont understand chinese so he didnt look carefully at the sink and we had a round of laughter yet again. i had such a great laugh my cheeks and stomach was twitching in pain lohz.
haha, after the demonstration, chem prac ended and we were supposed to go to a B block classroom for tutorial but all of us were being cheeky again by loitering at the chem lab and not wanting to move towards the classroom. in the end rudy had to chase us out of the lab before we moved, slowly, ahahaha. we walked at a tortoise-like speed to the classroom and the whole group of us was like those funeral possession like that lahz. rudy reached the classroom very early and we then sauntered in very very very slowly, haha, class spirit was displayed at that time la, haha. we really had lots of fun laughing and smiling and joking, despite the sian-ess of thursday, today was great in general~ =)
4:52 PM
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
yesterday ate cup noodle for dinner at 7-11. haha, me, yunz and pork bought cup noodles and cooked it at 7-11 and ate it there and then. haha, it was quite a fresh encounter for the three of us as it was the first time for all three of us!!! haha, i wont mind going 7-11 for another such dinner wo, it was fun. those who haven't tried before, no harm trying it out oh, heez. =P
6:08 PM
yesterday was the opening concert for hwa chong arts festival 2005, due to the number of friends performing, i went to give my support by paying $3 for the ticket and stay back in school for around 7 hours to watch. haiz, the audience turnout was..only one word to describe and it is pathetic. there're more people performing than watching la. haiz, a benevolent estimate of the number of people watching will be a hundred, though i doubt there is more than 70 people in the audi even.. i felt injustice for the performers.. it is like they spent time practising hard and preparing for the concert, staying back on an officially declared half-day to perform, then so few people turned up to watch.. really, if the school wanted to show that it is also art-orientated by organising such a festival and putting up the concert, the least that can be done is to publicise more and encourage students to go and support what. haiz.. never mind, shall stop rambling liaoz.. haiz.. despite so, i'll be going for friday's closing concert to support my friends once again, hopefully the audience turnout for friday will not be disappointing again..
anyway, back to the concert. it started off with the chinese high drummer display. although the loudness of the drums is quite deafening and uncomfortable, it was quite a interesting item probably because i've never watched such an item before ba. next up is the strings turn, and as usual, i was entranced by the music they played, it was really a pleasure to just sit, close your eyes and listen to the melody played. mingtse looked just as pro with her violin and as focused when playing; as for jaspar, he looked comical just as usual la, haha, just joking, he looked pro la. then came the interval and something happened! haha, nothing alarming or disastrous la, just that a teacher's toddler suddenly came up to where me, yunz, pork and pow were sitting. the toddler's soooooo cute!!! he keep smiling to us!!! haha, as he was moving about, we were very worried that he would knock his head against the table so we were quite preoccupied with watching him and protecting his head from any harm, haha. there was a time he fell on his buttock and sat directly on top of yunz bag la. i guess that position was pretty comfortable because he sat there for quite a while and stared up at us with a blur blur and cute cute expression on his face!!! haha, so our interval was spent entertaining the boy boy or being entertained by him lohz, haha.
after the interval, it was chinese orchestra! haha, it was more engaging and happening ba. why leh? hmmm.. i guess it was because there are a lot more people i know of in CO and they had a great variety of instruments, therefore, both your ears and eyes are kept busy during their performance. ear busy with listening to the great pieces and eyes busy with watching your friends play. got zhixuan, jiankai, ningfei, liangcheng, qinghua, set, hoohoo, eugene, alice, eileen, damian, engeng, alexis, naifen etc. then it was guitar's turn, got erene, lowlow, soonsoon, choonsiang, weicong etc. and lastly was band's turn with weisi, john, junjia, chuanyuan etc. the finale, or just xie mu, was very disorganised and hectic, thus it ended pretty ugly. the emcees were very lame and very cold that night, i almost froze to death as the air-con also freezing lohz. anyway, it ended and i can only say i am satisfied with the concert despite everything, all the efforts of everyone who performed were appreciated, hard on you all le. haha, hope friday will be a better concert? to people who missed the one on tuesday, do go for the one on friday ya? dont let it be as sad as tuesday... haiz...
5:48 PM
Sunday, July 24, 2005
today was the semi-finals for ge yao. i woke up feeling quite sick and my throat rather thick with phlegm so that my voice sounded muffled and nose-like. haha, den i forget the lyrics when it was our turn to perform!!! argh... haha, funny cos all the pigs also forget lyrics for the song they are singing aka me, ame and jiankai. haha, real funny, some things really runs in pigs. =P
still, i managed to fulfil one of my wishes in hwa chong~! i'm taking part in ge yao 2005!!! haha, yea!!! haha, thanks to wanxin for creating such a nice song and choonsiang for being so pro with the guitar that allow us to bring out the song with quite last minute preparations. congrats to liting and wanxin whose song got in too~!!! 说好了要一起倒数永远。。。 =P also congrats to ame, chailing, and yinfei! to jiankai, peihan and ningfei, the song is nice so dont give it up ya? it just happens that different people have different tastes and opinions that's all ya? cont to jia you! dont u all dare give up! cos i'll be always waiting to listen to the songs u all write~! haha, looking forward to ge yao cos i'm sure it'll be nice! (thou i dont want to be made up..which georgia insist..-_-") and do grab your tix when they're sold cos they're limited wo~ ;) 歌谣2005,衝着你来！！！ =)
7:22 AM
Friday, July 22, 2005
today is racial harmony day!!! haha, all dressed up like an indian early in the morning and it was very fun! although attracted some curious glances here and there, i didn't regret being rather out of place at school today by wearing ethnic costumes as the experience and fun can never be replaced! i'm suddenly reminded of my secondary school days when a lot of people are supportive of such activities.. unlike now at hwa chong, only a few souls were wearing and most of them are councillors(in e past or present) so its pretty sad in a sense. but i had my share of fun with my friends accompanying me, trying to be someone of another race for a day, wahahahaha. and we took quite a lot of pictures to let the memory of today be with us for years to come~ ;)
we did dissection of the sheep's kidney and mice today during biology practical, for those who are not comfortable with dissection, skip the upcoming 3 paragraphs as i'm going to go quite into details that may cause discomfort to some of you. for those taking biology, you may want to read and mentally prepare yourself for this type of stuff that you'll get to experience next year. firstly, its rather amusing to wear ethnic costumes to do dissection but we managed all right without dirtying the costumes~ haha. the sheep's kidney was ok, just like the sheep's heart that we did last week, smelt about the same and the feelings were about the same too, nothing much to say about it.
the horrible, saddening, disgusting, terrible and yet interesting, amazing, intriguing part is the dissection of the mice.. before starting on the dissection ourselves, just watching ms wong, our bio tutor doing it was already a chore. doing it ourselves? it was just horrible when you imagine how the mice would have been when it was still alive and kicking and what you feel is only a cold lump of tissues.. it was saddening when we knew of how it died from ms wong, they didn't die peacefully or quickly, they had to struggle painfully and frantically for one minute in a chloroform filled container, as it is the cheapest method, before death sets in on them.. the mice will scratch each other, knock against the walls of the container until they bleed, all because of their instinct for survival but they still cannot escape death no matter how badly they struggled.. the smell radiating out when the mice is dissected is just plain disgusting.. i am at a loss at how to describe it but trust me, it is terrible. we also learnt about how some pregnant mice may be used for dissection also, and in this case, you are not killing one but 10-15 lives at one go.. it is just so inhuman..
ms wong said since the live of the mice had been sacrificed for our sake, we must not let its death go to waste and have to learn as much as we can from its body through dissection. thus, i forced myself not to think about it as a mice, but as a specimen instead like the kidney and heart. i have to agree that it is indeed a very enriching experience to witness for yourself all the theory stuff in your notes, to discover the different systems, to learn from the body. i was amazed by the workings of animals, the respiratory system, blood circulatory system, excretory system, nervous system, reproductive system etc. i'm glad that i made full use of the mice's death by learning as much as i could from its body.
me, yunz, pork and wantana was much saddened as the fate of our mice, before its death was rather horrible.. as deduced from what we see of its corpse and upon discussion with ms wong.. it was so freaked out when inside the container that the faeces came out but it did not manage to excrete before dying, thus faeces was still stuck at its anus when we took it for dissection.. it was also scared to the point that its testes left the scrotum sac and went into its body to sit next to the bladder.. it was holding its bladder to the point of bursting even at death from the very bloated bladder we see.. it was not exactly well fed before dying as we can see many spaces in its intestines without any contents.. it was really very sad and our heart really went out to our mice.. thus we decided to give it a name and call it Ripple.. after finishing dissection, we placed all its contents back inside the body as nicely as possible and cover his skin back, then we wrapped him up very very neatly in newspaper and even securing it with tape before disposing of him into the bin.. we also got to see minute mice fetus in the amniotic cavity from the placenta.. it is eye-opening but saddening at the same time.. in the name of science, how many mice have been sacrificed? i dont dare to think further about it.. i'm just glad that this will be my 1st and last dissection ever..
anyway, after lessons today went lep room to practise for the semi-finals for ge yao this coming saturday.. i dont really have much hope in getting to the finals but i'm giving it a try so that i wont have any regrets upon leaving hwa chong as i'd always wanted to take part since watching it last year.. people do come and support ge yao ya? =)
2:54 PM
Thursday, July 21, 2005
the 4 of us at lep room taking snapshots~!!! =P
11:24 PM
the very few people who wore ethnic costumes today (plus fangyi who was not there when we took the picture)
11:20 PM
our funny chem tutor mr rudy lee caught on camera with the funny red colour shirt given by 00S73~
11:19 PM
1st pic of the day with the sheep's kidneys that we'd dissected wearing ethnic costumes~
11:18 PM
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
haha, today went to get the borrowed malay costumes from mdm madihah to wear on this coming thursday for racial harmony day celebration! me, yunz and wanxin then went to the toilet to try on the costumes and see which set should each of us be wearing. we were exchanging costumes when doreen and shell came to the toilet, then both yunz and wanxin who were originally outside rush back into the cubicle. haha, in the end we recognised each others voice and the three of us came out of the cubicle, haha. after that, we had quite some fun at the toilet admiring ourselves in the mirror looking like malay village girls and discussing about our plans for thursday. haha, thursday will be a day to look forward to wo~ =P
haha, its actually lots of fun wearing ethnic costumes of other races and its definitely an interesting experience when people mistook you for that race when you wore their ethnic costume. this is very much applicable to me as i'm very dark and can easliy be mistook for a malay, especially so if i wear the malay costumes lohz. i've worn quite a few ethnic costumes in sec sch and this thursday shall be my 1st and last time wearing in jc.. so sad iseneh? ;) its the last year for the JC2s to be able to wear ethnic costumes to school!!! so dont lose this last chance and can take many pictures for memorial purposes wo~ quick go and borrow ethnic costumes from other people or just wear your own ethnic costumes ba! =) dont have regrets~~~
11:00 PM
Monday, July 18, 2005
大家，歌谣2005即将到来了哦！！！希望每个人能踊跃参与，以实际行动来支持歌坊，支持中文学会！如果你自己现在或曾经有写过什么曲的话，就用它来参赛吧！！！尤其是高二的朋友们，今年是最后一次了，千万不要错失最后一次让你发表自己作品的机会！表格就在课外活动的布告栏上，不要犹豫，不要怀疑，你绝对有条件！；）心动不如行动，赶快开始准备，希望能在歌谣听到你的杰作喔~！=）
9:24 PM
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Be prepared for a long entry cos many thing happened today!!! haha, and i'm feeling happy again after today!!! wahahaha. =)
after a few mths of preparation, today is the day! the SAJC词曲创作比赛就在今天！哈哈，首先给ame和fengyi，用汉语拼音写华文读了很痛苦啊！！！=P 首先，我们的组可说是出师不利吧。。ame喉咙受到感染然后又生病，jiching也是有点喉咙痛，我扭到脚腕。。虽然如此！但是我觉得我们已经尽力了，而且整体表现也不错！所以ame，不要再怪自己了好吗？你真的唱得不错了！其它华初的组也表现得相当不错，辛苦大家了，做得好！！！
morning went to fengyi's house to prepare a bit before take mrt to somerset, limp to her house and i really hate myself for being so useless and walking so slow.. it is all due to a moment of carelessness.. haiz.. anyway, went to board mrt when it was about time to meet the others, something terrible happened which really upset me greatly.. i was injured with this bandage on my right leg, i cannot afford to put too much pressure on my right leg so i leaned on my left side on the glass pane in the mrt. then there was this stupid idiotic asshole with his girlfriend that boarded at bishan, he asked me to excuse me so that he and his stupid girlfriend can lean on the glass pane together. i shifted a bit in at 1st then moved to the center of the train cabin as i couldn't stand being next to that bastard. he and his girlfriend then happily PDA leaning together on the glass pane, damn him! so for the whole journey on mrt to somerset, i was struggling to keep my balance by holding tightly to the handles while keeping off from my right leg.. in the end, my left leg hurts from all the weight it has to bear.. also, i felt wronged at the treatment i got earlier thus i was on the verge of crying on the mrt but i was indignant and won't allow the tears to fall, my mood was seriously affected though.. but i put aside my emotions when the competition started.
at competition, the 1st group to present was peihan's group with jiankai singing, ningfei playing piano and david playing guitar. listening to the presentation was not exactly enjoyable but dont be mistaken, it had nothing to do with the singing or playing. it was because they didn't adjust the volume of the mike properly thus there were feedback and when jiankai sing loud. it become really loud and my ears were just protesting like hell lohz, haha. but after one of the judges went to adjust the volume for them, the second half of their songs was just wonderful, it was really blissful listening to them. one thing to note though, in order to thoroughly enjoy their song, you'd have to close your eyes so that you won't see jiankai. haha, that's because the way jiankai sang, his body actions and facial expressions a bit cannot make it, you'll laugh if you look at him. quoted from jiankai, its like chao ah seng singing la, haha. jiankai, no offence ya? also, ningfei finally managed to keep his facial expressions normal =P and david was great with his guitar so it was just pure pleasure listening.
the 2nd group was yanfei's group with her singing, fengyi at the keyboard and miaozheng at the guitar, the whole song went smoothly as per usual and i was touched by it after the song ended. the 3rd group was chailing's group with her singing and yining at the keyboard, i was thoroughly enjoying myself swaying a bit to the beat especially when she sang the chorus~ the 4th and 6th group was willy's solo performance, it felt like you had gone back to the sixties all of a sudden, but the experience was nice as you indulge yourself in the song. the 5th group was our group, i felt it was nice and we had given in our best. i made some blunders though.. so sorry. :( lastly, it was xiaoyuan's group with her at the keyboard and yingfen singing, it wwas better than thursday, got improvement. :) lee wei song came halfway and he looked just as handsome as on TV wo~ ;)
then the other schools also got quite some nice songs. there was this thai guy from temasek jc who came alone to participate and he sang 2 songs that he wrote himself. when he sang in chinese.. i was suddenly reminded of my thai friend ekavit in secondary school who was forever there beside me when i needed help, support or encouragement, always cheering people around him with his laughter. he was such a great friend and since he went back to thailand, nobody has heard from him.. memories of him flooded my mind when the thai guy sang and tears just fell uncontrollably from my eyes.. i just pray that he's doing well now and that in my lifetime, i'll still be able to see him again, to thank him for all that he had done..
we were at the 1st half and after we finished, me, david, ph and nf went to orchard to buy shiyan's birthday present. we shopped for a pretty long time before we finally managed to find something to buy for shiyan, a very nice miniature fountain at taka. saw huiqing and kenrick when i entered taka and she asked about my leg and for me to take care, i was very touched, thanks huiqing. :) although i sprained my ankle, the walking around actually helps as my leg felt less strained and painful after that and i can walk faster. after buying, david went home whereas me, ph and nf went to wisma atria mac to eat. on the way there i saw kairu, zhenxing, raymond and company, i waved and was sort of dao-ed by them so quite sad.. haiz.. maybe they didn't recognise me?
saw eugene when we were eating at mac, he was on his way to a concert. so we ate dinner and chatted for quite a long time until 9pm before we left for the mrt. nf and ph were very thoughful and considerate to accompany me all the way back to yishun before going back to hostel(for ph) and to shiyan's house(for nf). at yishun, they alighted and wanted to take bus 852 from the interchange so i guided them to the interchange. before that, nf needed to buy a birthday cake for his senior so we stopped by bengawan solo, me and ph witnessed nf's 1st attempt at buying a birthday cake from a cake shop which was super comical~! haha, really funny la. for details please approach me or ph if not nf himself, wahahaha. after buying cake then went with them to the interchange and waited with them for the bus and left for home after they boarded the bus. my mood just felt better after being with them and chatting so thanks lots david, ph and nf, you guys rock~ ;) went home, bathe and sleep as totally drained out of energy liaoz~
2:59 PM
Saturday, July 16, 2005
1st, a very important advice to everyone reading my blog and that is: never ever under-estimate a sprain!!! you'll regret doing so.. like i did.. sob sob.. now i'll have to limp one week and become a limping pig liaoz..
today P.E. quite funny, our module is volleyball and its supposed to be Mr. Alex Tan but he's not around so got this ex-hwachongnian relief teacher taking charge. his name also quite weird, situ weihan, printed on the t-shirt he wore. he speak in a language unlike a teacher, even we dont really get what he is trying to say at times. he'll ask us if we have done warm-up exercises, which we haven't but he'll ask until we answered we have. then he dont allow us to play anything but volleyball initially, so we play but wasn't successful. haha, it was highly entertaining though, haha. poor weikiat as he was trying very hard to coach us so that we can at least play. after ten minutes, the teacher gathered us and ask us if we'd played volleyball and we're supposed to answer yes. then we're allowed to play captain's ball liaoz, weird right? haha.
anyway, thats when it happened. we were playing captains ball and i was defending jaspar which is quite impossible as he is like so tall?! i jumped(i can jump la, stupid jaspar!) and managed to intercept a few times before i jumped for the last time and land wrongly on my leg. kiak! i sprain my ankle and pain was felt so i immediately go rest at the side lohz. hoohoo was also hurt so both of us joined hailing at the side. the teacher come over to us and ask rather idiotic questions like guessing his age? -_-" anyway, i took off my shoe and massaged my leg. my foot can still twist and turn as per normal after resting for around ten minutes at that time! thus i go join the other group of the class to play basketball again lohz. not that i didn't take care but my leg felt perfectly fine after resting at the side mah. its after P.E. then my ankle start to be painful and it swell.. so for the rest of the day, i was limping around rather pain-stakingly lohz. actually can only say serve me right for taking it lightly in the 1st place.. thanks to all my classmates and juniors(esp yinghong who wanted to walk me to bus-stop but i wont let her, yinghong: i appreciate your thought very much!!!) who were concerned about my leg and asked me to take care, i'll de! haha, but i'll be limping for one week to make up for my mistake of taking the sprain lightly..
went home and actually didn't want to go see the tui1 na2 one as i thought it wasn't serious. but upon thinking that tomorrow got competition, i didn't want to risk having my leg swollen like a radish all of a sudden then cannot walk or something. so went with my mum to Ang Mo Kio to the clinic to be treated on. when the doctor massaged on my ankle for the whole ten-fifteen minutes, i was completely overwhelmed with pain.. pain until i feel like crying and my stomach was contracting painfully together with the pain at my ankle.. it was then that i realise my sprain was actually pretty bad.. serve me right so endure for the whole painful process and even after the doctor is done, my ankle still hurts as he says it'll take one week to recover fully.. the doctor help me bandaged my ankle and gave me some medication then i limped home with my mum's company.
when the doctor was massaging my ankle, he was like saying that my legs are weird. he says its quite different from other people's legs as my foot is rather small but my calf is relatively big, lohz. also dont really get what he means but never mind. also, haha, this is actually rather bad, because what i'm about to say will show a bit about the considerate level in Singaporeans(a bit of generalisation though, i fail GP lohz) . i was boarding the bus back to yishun with my bandaged leg from Ang Mo Kio and nobody offered their seat.. guess i dont look like i needed the seat? in the end i have to hold on dearly with all my muscular strength onto the metal poles so that i wont fall or need to apply pressure on my injured leg to balance myself on the bus for the journey.. very tiring i can say, for both my hands and my left leg.. haha, once again, can only say serve me right la, so to all out there, dont ever take sprains lightly!!! ;)
1:54 PM
Friday, July 15, 2005
block test results.. i can understand that different people have really different expectations on their results and that everyone has the freedom to express their thoughts and feelings freely.. but seriously.. i really hope they can be more sensitive to their fellow classmates around them who did real real real badly.. the exclamations of "shit! careless mistake if not can get one(or half) more mark! argh.." or "aiyah! missed my A(or B or C) by a few marks only! shall go and see if can get some marks from the teacher" and stuff.. i admit i get pissed sometimes when i hear such sentences because i am one of those who really do very badly.. i know they dont mean it that way but they are like rubbing salt onto wounds for people like me.. i dont have any bad feelings towards those saying all these as they have the right to feel that way and speak that way.. but, sensitivity will be much appreciated like saying it away from the people or keeping it down a bit..? haiz..
i really did very bad for my block test(anyone trying to say "no la" will get a hard stare from me so dont) despite putting in much more effort than i did for block test one, my results stayed stagnant, if not deproved.. i have no idea what's wrong with me.. i just feel so stupid and very much discouraged, also pretty much at a lost at how i'm going to go about to make improvements.. i'm really thankful to all who are always there to encourage me.. i wont give up trying.. but i feel that i'm giving way.. anyone who has effective study methods can guide me ma? any sort also can, i'm basically quite desperate now le.. i'm freaking out too.. thanks le. maths.. i got F, last in class.. chem.. i got O, still fail.. lep.. from what i've gotten back, all's lost.. GP and Bio, no hope at all.. argh.. dont feel like talking more about it le.. its really depressing, mood and appetite really gets affected whenever i see my scripts.. 我只能说，惨不忍睹。。。i'm cheering up le.. serious.. just feel like blogging it so that i'll feel even better.. :)
to my juniors who have gotten back some of their results from their 1st block test and are either very depressed, saddened, shocked, freaked out or affected by poor results(in their opinion), dont get so worried about it! i'm very sure you all will be able to do much better next time de! dont give up hope! keep on working hard and your efforts will pay off de! you all are a clever batch of students! and, its only block test one, be consistent in your work and improvement is definitely possible. lastly, you all got a senior who is still doing very badly at JC2, i have to worry, not you all. BUT, if you all are still feeling rather uneasy, talk to seniors ba and you all shall find out you all have nothing much to worry actually.
bio prac~ haha, yea, something interesting and fun to talk about! haha, did a dissection of the sheep's heart, it's really very amazing when you see for yourself all the structures you have been studying in books at real life! i really think life is a miracle, regardless of human, animals or plants. imagine all the systems that have to be in place just to ensure survival! those taking biology will understand what i am saying, its just awesome.. back to the heart, it was fun playing around with the heart, cutting, slicing, poking, touching and chopping. but the smell is cannot make it!!! it smells like cheese! and i recall that time when i was attached to alexandra hospital(me was from st.john ma), i was exposed to some huge wound on the patient's leg and it smelt like cheese too!!! sorry to those cheese lovers, i dont mean to be disgusting and i still eat cheese though, blocking out any thoughts when i'm eating, heez. learnt from ms wong that the cheese smell is due to the decomposition of organism's tissue by bacteria. at the end of the practical, me,yunz and pork became butchers and cut up the heart into many small pieces.. haha, too stress liaoz, behaving abnormally so better be careful when you're around us, wahahaha. :P
6:11 PM
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
now i can understand fully why teenagers fall into bad company easily.. when u've no good friends to talk to.. when u've a house that is not a home.. when u're feeling desolate.. the feeling is really very terrible.. u'll then be desperate for company, any sort of company, even if u know that its bad company, you no longer care, you just want company..
8:43 PM
Monday, July 11, 2005
after a very hectic, terrible and horrible weekend at home, its school days again. though i feel very sian at the thought of having to deal with academic difficulty during lessons, the thought of not being at home with someone in there overrules all other stuff. you hit me, you should be thankful i am dark and the bruises doesnt show. but the pain there due to the blue-black and the scars on me will be a constant reminder of what you had done to me.
school life definitely makes me feel better as i get to see all the people who care and talking to them perks up my mood a lot. i also went shopping with yunli @ J8 for all the ppl's present and though i was very tired after everything, i feel happier emotionally. thanks yunli for being with me and sorry for not answering your call or replying your sms-es on saturday, think you understand why. i'm real sorry for worrying you all and i'm really grateful for all the care, concern and encouragements given to me today at school that makes me feel loved(thanks to yunli, liting, wanxin, hailing, zhixuan, georgia, shell, beng and ningfei). i'll try my best to survive through this ordeal, i'll work towards the goal of being independent from him totally as soon as i can. i'm waiting for him to officially chase me out of the house so that i can go live in hostel and study in peace. if he doesnt, i'll stay away from "home" for as long as i can everyday, staying back in school to mug or do homework. after which i'll give my best for a's, finish my a's, go work 7-11 until uni starts and strive for the moe scholarship to go china study for 4 years and i dont have to face him at all. as for what happens after that i couldnt really be bothered, it all depends on him, he is the rate determining person/limiting factor, not me.
this may sound unfilial, cruel, harsh, unfeeling and etc.. but i can only say, i've suffered under his oppression and totalitarian rule silently for long enough, there's a limit to one's tolerance and i'm reaching mine pretty soon. unless he changes, the tension and ugliness in our r/s will become permanent.. haha.. i'm just like 《茶馆》里的康顺子罢。。。已经慢慢地学会反抗了。。。哈哈哈。
9:50 PM
Sunday, July 10, 2005
i'm not exactly ok now and will not be really ok in the future, unless miracle happens, sth changes my family and stuff.. but i can assure everyone i'm feeling better and more clear-minded meaning i wont do silly and foolish things so dont worry.. i'm sorry for causing any of you to be worried.. this period is just the deep pit in my life.. hopefully i'll get over it and thanks to all who cared.. sars kor, yunz, ame, peihan, xiao xuan^2 and fei-ge.. i'm touched by the care, concern and advices from u all.. i'll try to stay happy, but sad to say there's no guarantee.. i'm sorry..
1:25 AM
Friday, July 08, 2005
Today went back to my secondary school, anderson, to go for my junior's rod. I was from st.john and rod is the time when the sec4s will pass down the responsibilities to the batch that are one year younger. Looking on as an ex-nco, seeing their rod brought back many many memories(both happy and sad) when i was a senior(aka nco) and also my rod. Time really passes very quickly, it felt like last year when i passed down but its actually been two years le..
I was very happy to go back and see all my juniors after such a long long long time! Really miss them lots.. They had been a great part of my life when i was in sec.4, they were part of the many memorable and sweet memories i safely tucked in one corner of my heart. I cried very hard during rod, just like i did for the last night of huang cheng ye yun this year. st.john=huang cheng in sec sch for me.
But after going back, i also realise that things will never be the same, people never stays the same, emotions degenerate. The relationship with people changes, some stays, some slowly dissolve away into thin air. I am glad and thankful for those which I can still response to like i used to in the past, the feeling is great beyond description! But for those that had silently faded away and disappeared, my heart aches. The only thing that is preserved is memories, just memories and nothing else. Haha, its quite sad in a way isnt it? But its part of our life, and like it or not, we have to learn and live with it.. So treasure every single moment with the friends, juniors and seniors you are still in constant contact with, have many memories because the r/s may just gradually break down...
10:05 PM
There was once this Van family in a place somewhere on earth. There were 5 family members: father, mother, elder sister and 2 younger brothers. On the surface, to all outsiders, this family looked like a typical and blissful one. Haha, little do they know looks were deceiving!
The father, always wallow in self-pity, thinks about stuff that were hard to happen all the time. Whenever he felt that his authority was threatened or when his reason could not stand, his voice level would raise and threats would come out of his mouth. When his authority is threatened in his own opinion, he uses violence everytime without fail. He kept talking about how good he was, degrading the mother and the children everytime he could and using every reason he could think of, anything under the sun.
The mother, no longer felt any commitment to the family, she just did what she has to every single day. She had turned to religion for support and chants whenever she could, hoping one day that she would be able to attain enlightenment and be spared from the sufferings of life totally. She no longer submits to the father on every single thing, she has started to have her own opinion, her own set of thinking.
This led to conflict occuring as the father absolutely could not stand anyone disobeying him! The marriage, just like a rope with very few strands left holding together, sooner or later would break like a mirror dropped on the ground.
The sister, facing difficulty both in school and at home, almost broke down quite a number of times. She cried, screamed, fought and even harmed herself at times. She no longer felt anything about all the incidents and troubles at home, already given up on trying to salvage the situation. She only looked on with indifference, running away from home at every opportunity she had.
The older brother, rebellious like devil from hell, already had no respect for any parent anymore, backstabbing his father and slapping his mother. He could be really good when his mood was nice, but otherwise a monster that used violence to solve everything. He had broken a law before, but nothing really happened to him.
The younger brother, emotionally weak, could not really decide on which side he should stand in the family because it had been polarised. He had to wander between both parents, endure nonsensical ramblings from sister and suffer under brother's beatings. He was capable of inflicting serious injury on people when provoked and had even contemplated quite a few times about killing his brother.
p.s. the above is just a fictional story, ru2 you3 lei2 tong2 is just concidence.
9:18 PM
Monday, July 04, 2005
我对天发誓，一旦读完初级学院，考完A水准考试后，就立刻踏入社会，找很多份工作，让自己在经济方面能独立，绝对不会让你有机会用钱来压迫我！过后就努力找奖学金，让我大学日子的所有一切费用有着落，之后就脚踏实地地做我的华文老师。这样简简单单，平平凡凡地过完我的这辈子。你不需要为我担心，你不需要了解我，你不需要明白我的一切，就当我是死的算了。我已经不懂得要如何做你的孝顺女儿，我也不想知道怎么去做，“爸爸”这个词汇对我来说已变得麻木了。。
1:15 PM
Saturday, July 02, 2005
哈哈，对于那些不能看到华文字的，对不起了，因为我觉得用华语来些才对劲罢。。哈哈，这是我的执著罢~
对于今天的茶会，我一点也没有后悔出席，这次的接触让许多原本浮现在我脑里的疑问都被消除掉了，令我更加确定我未来的职业去向：华文老师，再好一点就做主任等职位。但是最后，我要做的就是教学生华语，跟学生有心灵上的沟通、有互动。我也第一次发现原来老师是有很多不同的发展机会，而不是只能将一生的精力奉献在教室内。我可以说是大开眼界了。今天过后，我的学习，我的努力，我的成绩，都变得有意义，因为我有了目标，那就是教育部教学的中国奖学金，每年只有十位学生能得到这个奖学金，竞争将会是非常激烈的，但是我决定会尽我一切能力去试一试，搏一搏。
对于今天，心里觉得无奈、可笑、讽刺还有一点愤愤不平。。只能说传单是从英文翻译过来的、介绍多数是用英文的、我是唯一一位用华文发问的学生，而且得到的答复不止有用英文，起初还答不对题。。最后多亏一个语特学长拔刀相助、一针见血地回答了我的问题，令我顿时疑惑散尽。嗨，还是少讲为妙吧。。这种东西讲出来太多只不过会惹祸上身罢了。。想知道详情就直接找我或雪芬吧。。华文在新加坡到底是什么？我看我还是别再为这个问题烦恼，因为根本无济无事，我也心有余而力不足。。华文老师感受到的悲哀，我想我也体会到了。。。还是专心往做华文老师的目标努力吧！
过后跟婉馨和盈盈在新加坡助理学院读书，环境还算不错。最后到处去购物，买些所需要的文具等。在巴士上和一位向我问路的中国青年因为所去之处相同而聊起来。。多数是他在说话吧。。我只是觉得莫名其妙，会跟陌生男子讲话，而且还讲挺多的。。满恐怖的。。哈哈，也不用紧啦，反正今天过后就不会再见到他了，但是能有这样的机遇也非常难得，有缘在今日遇见。。哈哈，我在说什么嘛，疯了，我疯了，哈哈。
11:04 PM
左盼右盼，左思右想。。。终于让我看到您。。。起初不敢相信自己的眼睛。。。接着是窘迫不安的心情。。。最后在你走近时叫了一声：“阿嫲。。。”可是您没有听见，连瞧也不瞧我一眼。。。
在您身旁那位叫姑姑的人，用充满不屑和鄙视的眼光瞪着我，似乎我是个千古罪人。。。她说：“妈，你的孙女啊。”我对她来说已经变成是一个外人，我没有名字，我是那个孙女，就此而已。。。就这样匆匆的几秒。。。我的心迅速地沉到了深渊里。。。
每次害怕看到您就是这个原因。。我知道我也有错。。我知道我其实很不孝。。但如果您一直不停拒绝我。。排斥我。。您到底要我怎么样？自我责备、暗自哭泣、心情失落，已经成为遇到您过后必定发生的事了。。心在淌着血，您可否知了？！
4:03 PM
Friday, July 01, 2005
one week of mugging and block-testing.. its very confusing as in the past week, time seems to past very quickly AND very slowly at the same time.. time will pass us like bullet train when we are doing the examination scripts or when we are trying to "download" everything on our inches-thick notes into our heads the day before the examination, bhew! and one moment later you will find that you have no time already; time will also crawl past us like snail when are having a tough time mugging or trying to bring ourselves to mug lohz.
haha, basically, i'm physically and mentally drained now, but somehow, i feel a great sense of achievement despite knowing real well that i will again not do well in all subjects; even for lep, the only one subject that i used to have most confidence in.. even though there are lots of times when i seriously comtemplate the option of giving up everything and leaving school once and for all, i persisted and now, i am glad that i did. this block test has been a different experience for me from all the past tests and examinations. because personally, i feel that this block test is the best test i've ever done since i come jc, i've given in my best and studied all i could and i feel real good after most of the papers(not maths though.. i was badly hit and looked "lian qing chun bai" after it, according to xiao xuan^2). though the fact that i wont do well or pass nagged very much at the back of my head, i couldn't be the least bothered with it and I AM HAPPY! =)
it may sound quite pervertic(does this word exist?hmm..), but i cannot help but like the examination period. the thing is not only me thinks so which shows that i'm perfectly normal lohz. i cannot specify the reason but i think i'm starting to like mugging, that is when i understand what i study wonderfully and everything stays in my head. because you feel like you are so clever and knowledgable with the whole chunk of information embedded in your head la! i just hope i'll be able to attain that state when a-levels near.
my last paper is next wednesday!! and it is lep paper two!! haha, poor me but i am feeling quite glad as i can enjoy and relax myself a bit, at the same time have comfortable time to study lep, the subject that i still have passion for. to those taking chinese history(shunjie, guohong, cuiyi etc), hard on you all le, two super combo heavy subjects nex week one after another, do jia you lots wo~!!! hmmm.. will be going for this moe tea session at the moe building tomorrow on chinese teaching scholarship. haha, i see my future le! a chinese secondary teacher at anderson secondary school, spending the rest of my life passing on the great wonders of our chinese culture and my passion for it to the future generations of singapore. haha, it will be hard but i know i will be loving every second of it! haha, know its a bit too idealistic and far-fetched but i can always dream right? heez. ;)
after lep paper 2, straightaway got biology lecture, haiz, back to reality immediately after block test for the 12(excluding jaspar) of us out of 200 over people in S7. then go fengyi house to practise her song for the upcoming competition! yea! haha, really loved her song a lot and hope our practise will make it perfect!!! on thursday got ge fang~! woohooo~!!! friday is anderson st. john ambulance brigade's ROD!!! after such a loooooooooooong time, i'm getting to see all my darling juniors le!!!!! miss them lots lots lots!!!(haiz.. again.. is it mutual? haha.. i do not know.. shant brood too much on it le..) on saturday, will be going out with yunli and liting as we promised earlier to take neoprint!! haha. =P also got the ge fang outing to kbox after block tests!!! three cheers!!!!!! haha, i'm looking so much forward to next week after the lep paper two, in the meantime, i will continue to mug hard and try to enjoy myself de! haha. ;)
6:59 PM