It is at these times when the going gets really tough when you will reflect and think what is all these for and if it is really worth it. I do not know, I have no idea. Like my response to people when they ask me about my uni heavy commitments, I do not dare to think much as I am so scared of the answer. Now is the time once again, I have been through so much, I should be able to make past it once again right?

But at the same time there are other things swimming around in my mind. So many things, which may be important or insignificant, but nevertheless I will still think about. Like friendships, school, future, trust, respect, commitment, responsibilities, money, relationships etc. There will be times when I wish I can have that someone who will be there for me no matter what, to make me feel loved. Oh well, random ramblings.

One moment you are standing up. The next moment you are sitting down on the floor with your back & butt aching. The memory of what happened in between is just a flurry of blackness, and you have no idea what just happened. 1st time ever.

I went back to my junior college for the annual's greatest festive celebration once again this year. I am not so sure if I went back last year as I did not really have much memory and it feels the same when I go back every year anyway. LOL.

In a way, it is really wonderful when you can go back and it feels like time has never passed when you meet up with old friends and juniors. The feeling is surreal, and I think addictive. Which explains why every year there will be quite a group of people going back for certain events where there can be meet-ups with people you may not have seen for years!

Even though my life has moved on, a lot of things has happened, many new experiences has been went through, the love for huang cheng somehow never dies. I guess in life when you have given in a lot for certain things, the impact on some will be ever-lasting, the feeling you have for those things will never really change much. Living in a world where the only constant is change, it is really heart-warming to have small little things here and there which still feels the same no matter how much time has passed. v(n_n)v Me hearts huang cheng deep deep.

Easier said than done. I am just too idealistic, too ambitious, too stubborn, too dumb & too emotional for my own good. I thought I have seen past all things, but I forgot that it is really the time whereby I can count for nothing. I did not remember that tears will come after laughter, pain will come after happiness. I have went through so much, how come I still have not learn? I am not emo-ing, I have absolutely past that stage. Are you my friend???

I happened to be talking to quite a few fellow honours year mate and all of us have the same sentiments about the final year we are spending in university. Tough & nearly unbearable. All the work, all the readings, all the assignments, all the projects, all the presentations, all the tests. Oh man, if only we were all superhuman with great powers to allow us to complete the never-ending tasks.

But to think about it again, maybe the current situation is still better than what we will get when we go out to work in the near future. However, for myself, I cant really wait to go out and teach. But I will have to go through NIE 1st and from what I have been hearing, it doesnt sound like a life any easier than what I am going through now. Oh well. Life is never a bed of roses. Hang in there then!!!

Tough times don't last, tough people do. Fellow Honours Year mate, we're in this on the same boat, jiayou together wor!!! We can do it! YES LAH! v(n_n)v

Finally after doing freelance random tutoring for some time, I am genuinely blessed with 2 tuition assignments that pay well, and tutees who are self-motivated. I have even gotten my 1st paycheck today from one of them!!! Yea man! Haha, earning money makes me high! Woohoo! :p

But I guess the real satisfaction and happiness is not derived from the material benefits. I really enjoy the interaction with students, and loving every single moment of being able to impart my knowledge on or spread my passion about Chinese Language. When I can see visible improvements in the tutee, when I am starting to have a connection with them, when I become more at ease with my customised teaching style for each of them, it feels awesome! :)

And I realised I find more meaning in waking up everyday when my life is not just about me and my needs. It maybe crazy and weird, but I think I will lose the motivation in living on if it does not concern someone else. I am who I am because of the people around me. v(n_n)v

It has been a long time since I fell so sick I was just too weak to put up a strong front to hide it from my parents. I was a goner for the past 4 days, cooping myself up at home with TV and readings as company. No laptop, no internet connection, I was lost to the happenings in school, I was cut off from all my friends (except those whom I manage to exchange sms with). I was "forced" to care about no one but me and myself. I guess it can be called a blessing in disguise?

I have no idea what happened, or what caused me to suddenly have food poisoning symptoms. Maybe it was an accumulation of everything bad I have been doing to my body ever since I came back from China. My body just gave up on me. I throw up all that I ate. I keep going to the toilet all through the night. I slipped and fell in my own vomit. I keep going between fevers and shivers. I felt so useless as I cannot do anything to make myself feel better, even the medicine didnt work for the 1st few days. I felt like a handicap as my parents have to clean up the mess I made. I felt terrible.

This shall be a lesson to me, not to take things for granted. This shall also be a reminder to me, despite everything my parents will always be the ones there for me. Lastly, this incident allows me to reflect upon my thoughts on certain things in life too. Get Well Soon Xin Yu. v(n_n)v

Tonight marks the start of something new. A new group of people. A new beginning. A new journey to embark on. You all discussed and made the best decisions given all the circumstances plus the people you all have. One year can be real short, or it can also be super long. No matter what happens along the way, remember & reflect upon all that you have gone through to go thus far and motivate each other on. There may be new challenges awaiting, or old problems re-surfacing, but as a committee you all will do it together. Jiayou 30th, the club is now in your hands. :)))