Actually I have been aware of this side of me since my secondary school days when I can have a cycle of emotions once a day or once every few days; very happy, super angry, damn sad, numb and the cycle repeats itself again. I guess I am very unstable emotionally, and it tends to be quite extreme when happens.

I am starting to think that I have just moved on from yet another low period in my life and hell sure I am glad I made it through once again as per usual. It is always like that, when you are in the midst of emotional turmoil with all things that can go wrong for you going wrong, you will feel like it is the end of the world and there is no way you can make it through anymore. But, just need to hang in there a little more with the support and care from friends around, plus not to keep dwelling about how bad things have been, and those tough times will pass before you know it.

30th Huang Cheng Ye Yun was last last Saturday and I went back to watch after missing it last year due to exchange in China. The shows were meaningful in the ideas it is trying to portray across to the audience but the actors and actress were not really able to bring it out through their acting. Cannot blame them as they are afterall still just teenagers who doesnt have much experience in acting before. There was this really cute little kid! Reminded me of the last time when I brought my brother in to act as a carrefare, all the good old times. It always feels good to go back to something where you know you will definitely see familiar faces of people whom you have not been able to meetup for a long time. Even though the amount of unfamiliar faces become more and more, the huang cheng spirit and the whole thing which I went through before never fails to make me feel at ease with myself.

The following week was tiring yet satisfying, due to FASS ID collection booth. Was expecting the lack of manpower, no one to blame as it is indeed the season of deadlines and exam preparations. But did not expect myself to be so shagged out and hoping the end of booth duty only after Monday, bleah. Thankfully made through the 5 days in one piece in the end! It is tiring to wake up early and help set up, stay there giving people their shirts and directing them to clubroom for purchase, after everything still have to pack up both the booth along walkway and shirts at clubroom counter nicely inside the lounge. But nevertheless satisfying when I see people wearing the shirts in school, when I hear feedback that the shirt maybe simple but looks nice, when I feel for myself that the quality of the shirt is much better than all my previous shirts. Just hope I am able to achieve what I set for myself in this project after the long holidays ahead!

Anderson 40th Speech Day was last Friday and I went back once again to see both my teachers and students. Was asked by both my teacher and student to go back and visit, and I did not regret a single moment when I was back. Even though I had to cab down due to booth duty packup and the cab driver drove me to wrong place making me all jittery and worried about missing the prize-giving ceremony. But reached back in time to see them on stage, feel super proud to have them as my students before. LOL. Managed to catch up with so many of my students and teachers, and it sure hell feels damn good. (pardon the vulgar-ness) I love going back to places where I feel like apart of the family, where I can feel like there are still things that stay constant despite the changing world, where I can feel at ease even when I may not stay in touch as much, where I can still be remembered and appreciated for all that I have done.

May Day D.N.A concert was last Saturday and I did not regret a single cent spent in getting the ticket even if it means working even more. The whole atmosphere was simply catchy, high, influencing. Even though there were times when I hope I bought more expensive tickets so that I can be among all the really super high people and jump, scream, sing non-stop. :p But it was nevertheless an experience of a lifetime. Jialat, I think I may just be going to every single one of May Day's concert in Singapore from now on liao. Bleah. Not just were the songs nice, the lyrics and the meaning behind their songs are wonderful. It is those type that you can hear and listen to the words being sung, then have your ruffled, frustrated, irritated and desperated souls soothed. Ok, I may be exaggerating but they do have those effects on me mah. ;)

Nice times for the past 2 weeks, upcoming 2 weeks will be tough times but they will pass before I know it! Then I will move on to the next stage of my life where I shall work, work and work as much as I can! muahahahaha.

Reading through some of the messages which you all have so nicely written on my uni memorial book, tears flow down my cheeks. I am genuinely touched at what some of you wrote, and those messages really motivated me on. It may seem like nothing much to you all, or insignificant to others who do not even bother. But I am just one of those who are easily moved by people's words and actions from their hearts. Haha, silly right?

真心：有谁会真的在乎？我。

在这个世界上，尤其是在成人的世界，除了家人之外你能保证有谁是对你真心的？就算是家人，也有没有真心对待的时候。

在这日新月异的时代，个人主义盛行的时代，难道这就是人类必须活在的悲哀里头吗？无论是什么事情，人们的私心很多时候胜过他们的真心。

我非常重视真心，无论对人对事都是如此。但是，太多太多事情、经历、经验等令我渐渐变质了。我开始变得势力、开始变得犄角、开始不再单纯。我不想这样，我不过想要生存罢了。

有时候为了得到更多、成就更多，牺牲、残忍、冷血是必须。想着，想打心底开心的念头看似太过天真可笑了。

Beauty and Money, these are the 2 things which I have set out for myself to achieve, at least for the next 5 years to come. Yea, I do not deny that the above-mentioned are things that are highly superficial and materialistic. And we should aim to achieve things that are more in-depth and highly-spiritual. But before you start denying the 2 things said, please pause for a moment and think: is it not better if you have them when you go out into the society?

No need to say when you go out into the society, they help make things so much easier even when you have them as you grow up! People are still superficial, especially in the modern society. We are consumers of images, because we seldom look beyond the surface unless we have no other alternative. When young, you will easily get the attention and liking of more people just by looking cute. As you grow up, no need to talk about beautiful or handsome, just looking presentable and slightly above average will bring you popularity and easy paths in many things and places. Lastly when you step out into the society, the benefits are endless. There is a reason why make-ups and beauty products sell so well. There is a reason why people buy things that look nice.

There is almost nothing which you cannot buy in the world, despite all the talk about not being able to buy sleep, health, kinship etc with money. Just think about all the products, supplements, inventions, creations these days which you can purchase to help you with achieving the things that have been said to be not attainable with money. And without money, there is really so much you cannot do, so many limitations, so many restrictions, so many walls around. How much things in today's world doesnt require you to pay? How much service in the society these days that you can really get for free? There is a need to have money, so we have to find ways to earn, and as much as possible.

To survive, we have to play by the rules of the game.

何必说谎？如果最后很轻易被揭发？

为何假装？如果面具根本都戴不牢？

一片真心被践踏的感觉，超级糟糕。

为你们哭了，知否？为你们伤心，在乎？

哭过了，想过了，振作了，不管了。

我很容易尴尬，因为对自己缺乏自信。

我很容易安抚，因为小小心意感动我。

我很容易猜疑，因为对人类缺乏信心。

我很容易相信，因为对你们我不怀疑。

我很容易受伤，因为我会放大小动作。

我很容易恢复，因为已经开始麻木了。

我很容易伤心，因为每次都会想太多。

我很容易开心，因为我很容易被满足。

如此矛盾的我，你真认为你了解我吗？

有时不经意咬，有时又刻意躲藏起来，这样活着我也很累。

I do not expect friendships or friends to be always there for me, to be always around, to be knowing at every single moment what am I thinking or worrying about. All I ask is for them to help me out a little more, to aid me along when I asked outrightly, to support me on things which I hope to accomplish before I graduate, to not let me see too many practical or not so nice sides of you all who matter. But I guess even such requests are abit too demanding? Hahaha... What else can I say? Perhaps I am not worthy a friend for you all to even care or bother about.