Friday, September 30, 2005
haha, i'm feeling much better as compared to wednesday when i got back my GP papers so everyone can stop worrying about me ya? and also because today, for the 1st time in this year, i finally managed to pass my maths exams!!! oh my god, i'm just so amazed at myself.. by right i should be elated and feeling very happy after today, but somehow, i dont feel that glad but just relieved. maybe because i saw that i'm once again the last in class for maths, really last, i got the lowest marks and i passed by only a few marks with a lot of my classmates getting A.. ok la, i'm not exactly very much affected.. i'll still continue to practise my maths as i'm starting to have more confidence in my maths le.. but i'm very scared that it'll turn out like GP.. it is like when i can score full marks for a particular question without careless mistakes or wrong answers, i'll be truly amazed at myself, i'll be like shocked and will double-checked to see if the teacher has marked wrongly den i'll end up getting happy in vain. but thank goodness the teacher never mark wrongly and i'll be happy and proud of myself after that.so in other words, i'm feeling better and picking myself up again after the big hit on wednesday. i was being very anti-social so sorry to anyone if i dao-ed or show you all the black face on wednesday, esp xinhui and peihan.. thanks xxx & nf for being there too, deeply appreciated! =) btw, to all hc juniors out there who know me, if luck is on my side, tune in to yes933 on 14/10/05 from 8-11pm for xian2 ge1 ji4 yi4 oh!!! remember this date!!! remember to tune in!!! sms me if you all hear anything ya? haha~ ;)
3:43 PM
Thursday, September 29, 2005
haha.. today got back gp paper 1 & 2.. i really have no face to go look up my gp tutor personally anymore le.. i will just be wasting her time.. she can spend the time on someone who will definitely improve and do well in a-levels like alvin low.. but definitely not me.. i wont be able to make the grade de.. after this prelim.. i am 100% confident of this fact.. whatever hope i have earlier were just disillusions.. dreams.. wistful thinking.. i would not be able to get my a-level certificate le.. haha.. i do not have to study for a-levels anymore because i will just fail GP and my other subjects will be equivalent to going down the drain! haha.. why do i have to have expectations of my GP results for this prelim and be dropped off from there so hard..? haha.. stupid me.. i should not have thought that i will really improve in GP.. it is impossible.. i am just daydreaming.. it feels so terrible.. i dont want to have contact with anyone now.. not for days.. not my classmates.. not my friends.. not my room mates.. not my juniors.. i just want to be alone.. haha.. but the irony is that i can never be alone.. there is no place where i can be totally alone to myself to do whatever i want.. i am defeated.. thoroughly.. no more hope.. no more fighting spirit.. no more looking forward.. no more.. nothing left.. haha..
4:31 AM
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
haha, finally some time for me to be alone back at home and thus blog in peace. hmmm.. actually there's a lot of things i want to talk about.. so think this will be another of my long entry as per usual, do pardon me ba, heez. and got people ask me to blog more often so that they can read blogs when they are stressed from all the mugging. i would very much be willing to do so but the hostel computers does not allow me to blog! i can only blog when i use the lep computer or when i go back home like now. ok, i promise to blog as often as i can. haha, actually it is a way for me to destress too, heez. for the past 2 days have been going school, to clarify something, it is not that i love school so much i want to go to school everyday! its just that i have got stuff to settle in school like passing some notes/papers to juniors or getting something from them or just help them out academically to the best of my ability. and there is no lunch provided in the hostel so i have to find somewhere to eat my lunch or i will be eating cup noodles back in hostel lohz. so i will stay in school to mug and in a way i can see the people i care more before i finally leave hwa chong officially on 14th of october? back to today, i went school in the morning, mugged a bit, ate my lunch, did a mini shopping in the school bookshop and then went back to hostel to pack my stuff for my swim with liting and then later my overnight stay at home. something happened when i was packing! haha, i heard scrumbling noises coming from my food store drawer under my bed when i was packing. initially i thought it was just my ears playing a trick on me. then i heard the noise again and i was like thinking to myself: dont tell me a cockroach is having a feast on my junk food!!! it sounded like the cockroaches at home feeding on the food in cupboard so came my first thought. i peered under my bed into the drawer carefully and i saw a rat like face peer back at me and my next thought was: oh man, it is a rat feasting on my food!!! eeek!!! then i caught myself in time: eh.. the face looks familiar.. hmmm.. oh ya! it is the hamster of my room mate who got lost last friday! i was so excited and elated that the hamster was found! haha, i was about to go and buy a hamster for my room mate when i go home la, seeing my room mate so lost and sad when the hamster was gone. haha, the naughty little hamster actually went for a trip around our room la! haha, it went to my food supply after being hungry for days, but too bad its teeth not sharp enough so unable to feast on my apple rings, heez. after which i put it back into its container where it kept drinking water, haha, it must have been dehydrated liaoz. haha, i am just so glad that it has been found le. after which went swimming with liting after her lep s paper le.it is really nice to swim! so relaxing, so shuang, so fun! haha, chatting in the pool also very nice! haha, after which board the bus 852 for home. haha, its been such a long time since i board the bus le. then went shopping at northpoint for all the stuff that i need in hostel with liting before finally going home. went home at around six plus near seven but got no key and no one to open door because my whole family went outside to eat liaoz. haha, so i went to the neighbouring coffeeshop to watch my ci zi cheng long!!! haha, yea, nice show. haha, then like the tv at the coffeeshop is so huge and flat screen wo~ haha, watched finish before my dad came and we walked home together. reach home then there was a frenzy for quite a long time as i went about getting all the stuff i need in hostel. pack my stuff, listen to both brothers talking at the same time, listen to dad pouring his sorrow, go online chat, watch tv and bathe! haha, really so much thing to settle, so much to tell, so much to listen and time passes really fast. no matter what i hear or see, it is undeniable that being back home feels good and comfortable. my mood lifted up greatly as i feel like i have always been at home and i also got to see my dogs again!!! haha, realise that i actually miss home when i come back. if not, i am just as ok being in hostel ba.. haha..hmmm.. being back home.. guess my emotions are mixed? i am happy.. but at the same time i am sad.. sad at the state my family is in.. on the surface it looks ok ba.. but.. the ugly side is always hidden from outside view de.. my dad is ultra harsh on my two brothers now.. hitting them whenever they are disobedient which happens quite often given the nature of my two brothers.. discipline may be good.. i am just afraid my dad will overdo it and my two brothers cannot take it then i have no idea what will happen.. i dont want to think what will happen.. my younger brother is doing pretty well in school which is a relief to hear.. i am just scared that he will crack under the pressure my dad puts on him.. if any of you happen to chat with him online do help me council him a bit ok? thanks a lot le.. my other brother.. he is not doing as well.. his bag got stolen recently.. his hp is lost too.. he is using penknife on his hand also.. not as deep but much more than.. my dad no longer trusts him and just keep threatening him to obey him only.. saw my cousin, andy's blog.. read about what happen to our grandma.. why didn't you tell me about it when you saw me today.. she is also my grandma.. i am also concerned about what happens to her.. i am rudely shocked to learn what she went through 11 days ago.. only from your blog.. i dont know.. guess most of you can understand now why i dont go home often after staying in hostel and why my stay is often so brief and abrupt? it is such that i will enjoy more of my stay, i will see less of what saddens me.. guess i am just running away from reality.. allow me to.. i cannot handle it de.. at least not until after my a-levels ba.. just hope it does not get too bad in the meantime..think i should not be blogging about all my sad stuff le.. so sorry.. haha, shall talk about some happy stuff now. hmmm.. i finally managed to get in touch with my long-lost anderson juniors!!! miss them so so so much! so nice to chat with them again!! haha, feels so nice.. just to hear their voice again.. chatting with them eliminated all the sad and bad thoughts from my mind, i only feel blissful, blessed and happy when i chat with them.. it is so nice.. it has been so long.. time passes real fast and it has been two years le.. but no matter how many years has passed, the memory of them celebrating my 16th birthday will be forever engraved in my mind.. it has been the best birthday of my life til now.. will there be memorable birthdays for me in the future to replace that memory? because it brings both smiles and tears.. it is so contradicting.. but i shall have no expectations so that there would not be disappointments but only surprises! haha. =) chatted with quite a few of the juniors and i can conclude that they are all very stressed! haha, aiyoyo, dont be so stressed out ya? i know of many who cannot finish revising everything so those that cannot dont be too worried ya? must must must take good care of your health ya? falling sick now will be so unlucky!!! if cannot get everything in head but got the ample energy to perform during exam is better than having all in head but cannot perform due to lack of health or rest ya? whatever it is, just give in your very best, as for the rest, try not to worry as much because i dont think what help it does when you worry over all those stuff lohz, serious. ok, it is very late le, got to go school tomorrow still, everyone take care oh! =) if need someone to talk to or people to ask about academic stuff, just call me as i got free incoming calls and i can afford to take a break from my mugging! dont need to worry about disturbing me as i can still afford to help you all until after promos de ya? and it is the least i can do before i leave hwa chong too.. lastly, continue to jia you! gambate!!!
4:20 PM
Thursday, September 22, 2005
ok, now finally back at the lep room and being able to blog le!!! yoohooo!!! haha, very happy and excited now sia, heez, cos my prelims is over!!! yea~ haha, okok, i know a lot of other j2s still got s paper and the j1s having their promos in a few weeks time so me shall be a good person and not build my happiness on other people's sorrow. anyway, guess my maf entry have to wait until tuesday when i go home then can publish as i have saved it in my hotmail inbox but the computer in lep room cannot download the file so have to go home and post le, heez. to all the j1s out there, jia you and all the best of luck for the upcoming promos ok? i'm sure all of you can make it through sucessfully de! cause as of what i've seen and what i've known, you all are all very clever and hardworking so definitely can get promoted de!!! dont worry too much ya? just put in your best for mugging then as for the rest just leave it to fate ba. haha, if you all want can just approach me to ask about questions for the following subjects: biology, chemistry, maths and lep. can help me recall all my facts and knowledge for the subjects so that i wont lose touch with them and then i'll have a easier time studying for a-levels! therefore got anything in doubt, just shoot! haha, but hoh, let me clarify first, i'm not the clever type of person so i can only try my best to help whatever i can within my limits. dont expect too much from me ok? i'll explain to the best of my ability. =)to all the j2s out there, dont give up or slacken ya? this is just the start of our final lap!!! if slack liao then will have a very hard time to catch up ya? we can do it de!!! we've made it past prelims le ya? take a break whenever tired but never slack! haha, hope i can keep to what i say which is very hard la, heez. haha, look forward to the life after a-levels and use it as a motivation to push on!!! two more months to go only!!! gambate~ =) in the meantime still must take care wo, if not sick le very sad ya? ok, i go off le, tata~ ;)
5:55 PM
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
trying hard to cheer myself up after todays maths paper.. despite working hard.. i think i'm still gonna fail for maths yet again.. haiz.. suan le.. shall do some cheering-myself-up by talking about the MAF last Saturday!!! hahaha, sudddenly feel much higher and happier le! i'm really glad that i didn't miss it this year! and what's the best was that it didn't rain this year! although the sky looked like it was going to rain real real real heavily with thunder ramblings once in a while at around 4pm, it didn't! haha, the councillors must have been counting their blessings, heez.
anyway, so i went on my own to school for MAF around 6.30pm after using computer in the room and bathing. reach there pretty early and i stopped at the chinese society stall straightaway, heez, waiting for time to pass before i can join mu classmates who are coming later. so i stopped at the stall and was asked to play the games or take photos at the stall by rebecca and chujie, i didn't do so as i thought i would have time later to patronise the stall but it turned out i didn't in the end.. so sorry.. i really bought enough money on me and i had intended to patronise the stall de.. feel so guilty even until now.. sorry..
then after a while saw doreen and beng^2 who were on their way to watch CO performance because ningfei was conducting! haha, we practically ran all the way from outside audi to central plaza in order to catch a glimpse lohz, haha (nf: very honoured hoh?) as usual, with nf conducting, it was highly entertaining lohz. but nf, we not laughing at you just that knowing you and then seeing you conduct just became ticklish. but you looked very pro when conducting just that your left hand sometimes weird weird one, like no place to put like that, geez. so don't feel sad! you have been a successful conductor~! =) after CO, it was wushu's turn. saw esther, xiaoyuan and xiaoye!!! haha, you all looked very seh oh~ haha, xiaoyuan, your practise had paid off! you managed to complete the whole routine without any visible mistake wo~ :D after which, me and doreen decided to go up lep room to look for the people who are doing make-up upstairs.
i got a shock when i opened the lep room as i saw boonhan, with his ghostly make-up like all others who are doing busking. it is really very scary especially at night to see that type make-up on people's face lohz. haha, boonie, i didn't forget to pay you~ =P anyway, boonhan and weilong were helping peihan to make-up whereas georgia and shell were helping cherylene with the make-up. haha, my hands become itchy so i decided to takeover boonhan secretly to help peihan make up. then halfway through, there was the grand light-up so all of us in the lep roon immediately chiong-ed out of the lep room to go watch. it was real nice! i got no other words to describe the grand light-up, except the word GRAND! although there were still some regrets, generally, it was successful! councillors great job man! ;) then i also saw the two sons of wang lao shi! so cute as ever!!! haha, especially the baby one, he was less gong and had quite a lot of super cute facial expressions!!! oh my god la! haha.
after which we went back to lep room to continue the makeup when nf and jk came up. then we were joking and chatting until everyone finish the makeup so as to go down and join the crowd. haha, i helped nf put the foundation on his face, it has been so long since i last help someone make-up.. ah.. huang cheng days.. ok, then we went down and i go join 73 people for the song singing and mass dance session where our whole class just go crazy doing all sorts of actions and screaming and shouting and playing with balloon etc. haha, we were crazy i can say and all of us had a lot a lot a lot of fun!!! haha, i'm also very thankful that i didn't have an allergic reaction like last year.. if not i'll be scaring more people than last year with my monstrous bloated face.. *shivers* after the whole thing, the 73 people took a photo with ereneh's camera which almost gave up on us. thanks zhihan for being there and helping us to take the photo wo~ ;) after which went to chi soc stall and see them clear up then help the whole lot of them to take photos continuously while they do all sorts of poses and actions. some were really dotz but i guess i'm immuned to them so can still control myself and help them take all the photos.
yea~! saw lots of the huang cheng seniors who came back! so nice to see them back! haha, so happy when some whom i'm not very close to one still remembers me! haiz, so sorry seniors that you all didn't manage to dance "she bangs" despite waiting for so long.. but i'm sure there'll be chances when you all come back for drama camp ya? after everything, i went with the 73 juniors to play sparklers! haha, we went 7-11 to buy food then sat outside near the road there and started playing. it is so fun to play with sparklers though the sound is a bit loud! the sparklers look so nice!!! but hoh, the sparklers now i think not good one.. it'll bite your hand when the sparks come into contact with your hand.. in the past don't have like that one.. sob sob.. anyway, we stayed there until 11 plus before finally going off. there are some who left earlier and liqian very blur, he actually left in his dad's car without bringing his bag along, haha, diaognz.
in the end left me, xueyi, pohjee and nf. i feel so honoured to have great juniors who are willing to accompany me back to hostel! thanks lots! you guys rocked! in the end, reach chinese high gate but it was locked so had to climb over where only me and nf did. pohjee afraid of heights so she and xueyi waited outside for xueyi's dad car to go home. thanks nf for accompanying me all the way until outside the gate of the hostel.. i don't know how to express my gratitude.. if next time you need any help just approach me ok? in the end reach hostel but was locked out of my hall as the system has shut off, thankfully got a gal in the same hall as me so we went up the stairs and i took a lift from there to reach my room successfully.. phew.. that night will be the last night i ever return so late to hostel le! haha, so in conclusion, MAF has been yet another wonderful memory for my hwachong life! haiz.. ok.. need to go mug now already.. haiz.. =( everyone jia you wo~!!! and thanks to every single person who wished me good luck or ask me to jia you!!! thanks chiahong, sarizan, zhixuan, shell, vincent, yanwen, xiaoyuan, xinhui, andy, boonhan, yiyun, wanjun, yuexin, kokhong, alice, choonsiang, weicong, bernice, xiumin, fengyi, georgia, weiquan, jiankai, ningfei, peihan, yunli, liting & wanxin!!! i feel so touched and blessed to have all your well-wishes!!! they are going to keep me going no matter how hard it will be for the next two months plus! i wont give up de!!! thank you so so so so so much!
6:36 AM
Friday, September 09, 2005
GAH!!! i very gek!!! the stupid server lost the entry i typed so painstakingly just now!!! have to retype again!!! ah... and in this common computer room in the hwa chong institution hostel, it is like so damn cold la, my fingers are freezing liaoz loh. ok, back to my lost entry. actually want to thank everyone who have expressed their concern to me and tagged to ask me to take care! thanks a lot, you guys really made my day today le, haha, yea, will be smiling for the rest of the day as i think of the tags you all leave. haha, also an assurance to everyone who got worried after reading my last entry, i've not been having nightmares for the past two nights since wednesday night le, though i wasn't sleeping better, but having no nightmares at least was an improvement right? wanting to sleep without dreams has a price to pay and i paid it on wednesday night.. won't elaborate on what i did if not worry more people.. but like what i've said, the important thing is that there is no nightmares!!! yea~! =)
recently heard from fengyi that ge fang and hua yun will be sort of working together as they'll be selling the cd of all the songs for ge yao together with hua yun next year. also that my song recording on that day got PA disruption so cannot be used, actually hoh, come to think of it, even if there's no PA disruption, the recording also cannot be used as i sang wrongly on that day!!! haha, so me and cs will be going to a studio to record the song after our prelims. i'm sure it'll be a fun and enriching experience and i'm looking rather forward to it despite the cost i have to pay.. $40 per song.. so expensive.. but thankfully i got cs to share the cost with me so it isn't that bad after all and i think the price will be worth the experience anway, heez. :p
today i'm feeling happier and better than last few days which is very rare as i've been trying very hard to mug according to my schedule so that i can be prepared for prelims.. and frankly saying, i'm very lagging and it is getting stressful.. but i guess i'll persevere! everyone out there too wo, if cannot finish then never mind la, so long as you've given in your best in mugging then its ok le ya? anyway, back to why i'm happy, it's because of two things. firstly, i finish doing all the forty chapters of my hong lou notes le!!! yea yea yea, haha, i think only the lep people can fully understand the happiness and satisfaction i'm feeling now ba.. anyway, the hong lou note-making has been a long and ardous journey i've embarked on for months and it's over le!!! woohoooo~~~ haha, although i'm still left with all the characters which is quite a bit, but at least i'm done with all the qin2 jie2 le!!! haha, yea, so so so great a feeling~ phew.. ;)
and secondly, MAF is tomorrow!!! yea yea yea yea yea!!! finally can see all the people in school le, my classmates, my cca mates, my friends, my juniors and my seniors!!! finally can have some fun, singing, dancing and enjoyment away from mugging!!! oh ya, before i forget, to everyone out there who know me, keep your ears big big big for the song dedication organised by chinese society during MAF oh!!! ok, gtg le, time's up for my usage of the computer.. CYA ALL AT MAF OH!!! IT WILL BE VERY VERY VERY FUN!!! MUST MUST MUST COME!!! YEA~ =) ;) :p
3:04 PM
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
dont know for whatever reason, i've been having nightmares for the past two nights.. yesterday night's dream was the most frightening.. i'm still freaked out whenever i think of it.. i dreamt that i really encounter ghosts in one of the audi toilets in school one day.. it's so scary.. it is not just a flash of image that sort, i actually dreamt of being in the toilet trying to escape unharmed from the ghosts for around five minutes.. it started when i dreamt that i rushed into the toilet and saw three ghostly girls in the mirror beside me but there isn't anyone beside me at all.. i started to get hysteria and felt a tap on my shoulder.. when i turned to that direction, i saw one of the ghostly girls smirking away eerily and disappearing slowly into thin air.. i didnt dare to move at all.. i keep staring at the mirror and started chanting hysterically all sorts of buddha scripts that come to my mind.. i keep feeling taps in my shoulder but i no longer dare to turn to that direction.. i just keep chanting louder and faster.. then finally, i started to edge towards the door and when i managed to open the door, i just ran out of the toilet like my life depended on it.. when i go class bench.. there was no one there.. i freaked out.. i broke down.. it was real scary.. the image of the girl is still fresh in my mind.. i pray hard that i won't really meet ghosts of any kind.. its too freaking.. *shivers*haiz.. i really hope that i can sleep without dreams from night to morning for the rest of the holidays.. i dont think i can take anymore nightmares le.. i really need a good night's sleep.. without good sleep, head hurts.. feeling sick.. =(
12:26 PM
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
haha, yea, finally back to lep room to use computer again!!! came to school yesterday to use computer but was locked out of the room so in the end mug at 73 class bench.. sob sob.. anyway, now the chinese society having meeting and me blogging and tagging away sitting beside them, haha. saw a lot of tags when i go view my blog!!! soooo happy!!! replying to tag is so so so nice and fun! reading tags is so so so encouraging and touching! haha, ok le, me shall go continue my battle with hong lou meng le! everyone out there jia you wo~!!! whether is it for prelims or promos, dont give up! =)
p.s. xiao long bao, gambate ya? bu4 yao4 lou4 tang1 lou4 xian4 wo1!!! =P
1:25 PM
Saturday, September 03, 2005
haha, looked back and realised my last few entries were all very down and being accompanied by my black backgroud, the whole feeling is very sad and moody. hmmm.. so i shall blog about something happy for me now la, haha. yesterday got GP which isn't very good so shan't not talk about it at all. after which stayed back in school at lep room for my preparation of hong lou notes because the computer in hostel really cannot make it lohz, always fully booked de, me no chance to use, so sad. anyway, stayed back and talked to the juniors, used the computer, listened to songs played from wanxin's computer speakers. my mood just turned for the better, haha, then saw lenny being forced to wear the pikachu costume meant for MAF chinese society item or something. haha, he looks so cute!!! oh my god la, really regret not taking a picture of him lohz, hahaha, to those who want to catch lenny being cute to the power of infinity again, come for MAF and look out for him! haha, boonie was like counting his blessings that he isn't going to be the one wearing the pikachu costume lohz, wahahahaha.after a while, very tired of making the hong lou notes liaoz so went down to canteen to eat with boonie and peng3 ka1 fei1 aka nf. saw jiching and she had the cheek to remind me discreetly that my autograph book is still with her!!! argh... jiching!!! you'd better start passing it around soon ok??!! haha, anyway, she was blur enough to go up lep room to attend the bian shen ke leaving her bag behind in the canteen lohz, heez. haha, eating with the 2 guys really very comical and amusing. especially when nf broke his rubber band AGAIN as usual and split it out, boonie couldn't take it as he finds it very disgusting and moved away from sitting in front of him and forced his head away from his plate. haha, i laughed until i almost choked la. haha, i already got used to that so not disgusted but just thoroughly amused by boonie's reaction, hahahaha.
after which they went back for the bian shen ke then i stayed at the other room to continue with my hong lou notes making. when their lesson ended, i started packing up to go back to hostel then nf was like kicking chapteh? haha, he don't know what happen yesterday lohz, super high lah, haha. he kicked until very funny lohz, me and barney who were in the room laughed until we want to cry liaoz. there was once he kicked the chapteh behind the computer table in the lep room then he suddenly got into a frantic to get his chapteh. he knocked into the movable table of the mouse until it came out then he don't know how to put back, haha, so funny. then he and peihan started to kai-sheng outside lep room with me and barney running away in opposite direction when they opened their mouth lohz, haha, luo4 huang1 er2 tao2.
after which its like my laughing mechanism has been initiated and there is no negative feedback already, so i just keep laughing and laughing and laughing until my stomach and cheeks are protesting with pain lohz. haha, don't know why la, the three chinese high guys yesterday very high then their high-ness got on to me and i really had a great time laughing. ah.. it feels so shuang to laugh to your heart's content! haha, thanks nf, ph and jk wo~ haha, boonie also for lending me money to buy food. =P laughing is really the best medicine in this world~!!! :)
10:52 AM
Friday, September 02, 2005
EVERYONE JIA YOU & ALL THE BEST OF LUCK FOR THE UPCOMING EXAMS WO~!!! DONT EVER GIVE UP OR LOSE HOPE, WE CAN PULL THROUGH IT DE, HAVE FAITH! =) GAMBATE NEH! ;)
1:15 PM
