I must apologise for not keeping to my initial promise of keeping this blog a happy one.. too much things happen and i guess i was not as prepared to accept them as i thought myself to be.. i have too much flaws and shortcomings.. after so many years i have still yet to learn to handle them effectively.. i am so not good.. i hope not to break this broken promise once more because i have sorted out my thoughts, i think i have at least. i shall learn to live life the way it force me to be, i shall set my priorities right because nobody will pity me if i dont and suffer terrible failure as a results, i shall toughen myself up because living on is harsh.. to my students, uni life is not as bad as it may sound, i am just writing what i feel which most of the time may not be true ok? but still, enjoy the life you all still have now as teenagers not young adults, there is a big difference.

i shall also not be hopeful anymore.. feel like giving myself tight slaps to wake myself up from all the wishful thinkings.. things won't change, if it'll it would have.. why can't i understand this point? why do i have to allow myself to be affected and disappointed once more? i deserve the suffering i am undergoing now.. i shall change my mindset completely.. i shall do what i wanted when i decided to cut my hair real short.. i can do it.. i must.. let this be the last pessismistic entry i have!!! xin yu will evolve.. for the better or for the worse who knows.. to those reading my blog, just let me have the freedom to indulge in depression and forget whatever i have written after it is being read ya? i hope not to see my words on my blog used on me.. i just need to let some air out..

anyway, everyone take care ya? the haze is quite detrimental to health actually, don't fall sick if possible. all e best in wateva u all are doing, esp my dearest juniors, jia you for A's~! i will always b mentally supporting u all.. mug on.. (:

i'm so so so tired of living on, it is seriously very demanding on ur energy level and emotional level... sometimes i really need to actively keep telling myself everything will be ok, things will work out fine, people will be nice and good and friendly and understanding again. haiz, but is it possible even? i'm losing out hope on a lot of things fast.. i just hope i can hold on, never mind, i shall use the end results theory to keep me going on for as long as i can!!! glad to have friends lk jess (love ya~! :D) and meiling who i can talk openly about things w/o having to worry about other stupid things!!! haha, just talking crap. ;)

went back hwa chong ytd for e annual MAF celebration!!! haha, it was fun when we all let our hair down and talk and sing and dance once more. it is a great feeling to get together, always never fail to warm my heart, always never fail to make me feel motivated and hopeful towards life once more. i love my jc days, even though a-levels suck, e other parts were memorable and totally rock! it was quite disappointing towards e end as e haze dampened a lot of people's mood and many just chose to go home in e end straight after e event ended unlike past years.

this year e light-up and decor is not very impressive as compared to past years' which is dampening to e mood somehow. like what hock (i met him, jasmine ling and jingyi!!!) said, it resembles e fate of rag as people nowadays are more academically-orientated thus would not really put in effort on stuff that is outside their studies, sad right? but i guess that's it for students nowadays ba... haiz... anyway, after e whole thing, i went out with my juniors to a place to eat ice-cream. i talked about my uni, more like complained about my uni life. i finally got a chance to talk about all e unhappiness w/o having to worry if whatever i say is politically correct/too extreme/hurting anyone/going to be used against me in future. i have to apologise to my juniors, they met up with me just right after i faced all e shit in uni.. i guess i have to learn...

when i go cut my hair, i also told myself that i will put behind all e things associated with me when i had long hair. i will change to be a better person, to be a better student, to be a better MC member. i shall grow up to be an adult, cos i feel that i have been behaving rather much like a kid. i am no longer a child, the nice and sweet and innocent childhood days are long gone. i shall do it to e best of my ability, life is like that. i shall learn to live life to e fullest, and like what georgia says, don't have too much trust in anyone if not you'll be e one ending up feeling disappointed and devastated. i guess i am still struggling to find my sense of self-identity. ;) people change, nothing is static, this is a rather painful lesson i experienced a lot of times but have not yet learn. life is a great tchr, i shall be its great student. :)

i just went to cut my hair today, the 1st time since last year. i have to say i am amazed at how much your hair can grow within a year, from not being able to tie until it is able to be pulled to the front in a ponytail. to my uni friends, it will be a new me. i will wonder how will it be like when i go school tomorrow and they saw for the 1st time a xin yu with super duper short hair. people who saw me after i cut my hair kept asking me what happen, what made me decide to have such a drastic change. haha, maybe something did happen which triggered me to do what i did. i don't know, haha, can be conscious or sub-conscious loh. personally to me, i am happy with the new hairstyle. it is short, meaning it is easy to maintain, easy to deal with. the older of my two younger brother said my hairstyle suck as i look just like a guy. but it is already longer than the hairstyle i used to have. i have to agree it doesnt look as nice, but i seriously don't want to have any hair issues right now. i don't have the luxury of time and effort to grow long hair.. it may be a wrong choice made, but it is something new i want to try out. maybe through this i can learn yet another lesson about human relations~ :)

haha, finally managed to steal some time out to update my blog!!! it has been a really really long time since i blogged! it just feels so good to put down your thoughts and feelings and share it with people, in the sense i mean positive and happy ones la. ;) so from now on, i shall aspire to keep my blog entries optimistic and enthusiastic and cheerful!!! :) i hope that i will be able to do that la, haha, the most got any unhappy or sad happenings i will just write it down somewhere then throw it away after that lohz. :P haha, but really la, i wish that i would not have to experience too much lows to the extent that if i dont write it out i will go crazy that type la.

time really flies, i have been through six going seven weeks of university education already. hmmm.. university life is really a brand new and challenging experience that i feel really make people mature both physically and mentally. you are exposed to people from all walks of life meaning you have to learn how to interact and communicate with them which is a broad and deep knowledge! then, you are forced to manage your time properly if not you will die until very jialat. especially if you are intending to join CCA like me currently in arts club management committee as deputy welfare director plus director of service plus assistant honorary treasurer. you have to cope well with your school work and also the activites plus projects! if you dont handle them properly, you will find yourself in deep deep deep trouble!!! because you will be so overwhelmed with everything that you just feel like taking the easy but cowardly way out. i shall not deny that those thoughts did cross my mind initially but i can control them therefore so far so good~ dont worry about me la, you die die also wont be able to find my photo in the arbituary of The Straits Times or Lianhe Zaobao. :P

so yup yup, i am coping fine with university life until now and i hope to maintain it that way. MAF is this saturday!!! so so so so so exciting!!! haha, i can meet up with all my classmates and my beloved juniors once more!!! missing every single one of them so so so so so much!!! must must must catch up with them upon meeting! haha, yea man, in high spirits~ *wink*