Wednesday, August 31, 2005
prelims and a-levels coming up... stress that i'll have to face sooner or later is building up exponentially... i can feel myself behaving abnormally... in terms of mood and interpersonal relationship... i am having mood swings... a lot more and at increasing frequency... i can no longer control effectively on how i want to think and feel... its beyond my control le... i will in the end always be left totally drenched out... i am beginning to demand on my own more from my friends and people around me aka my juniors... it is really very unreasonable but i keep hoping that they can be around as and when i need them... they will always understand how i am feeling and be sensitive to what i am going through... this is very bad... i get pissed off easily... tired easily... depressed easily... i am starting to forget how to really smile naturally and happily le... so just a note here to everyone around me, if i am behaving abnormally or badly, just take it that i am crazy and dont be bothered about it or be affected by it. i can no longer smile le.. do pardon me.. dont be offended if i am insensitive from now onwards or my tone gets harsh.. i no longer have excess energy to deal with people nicely and properly.. i hereby apologise for whatever i may do during this tough period of mine.. lastly, everyone cont to jia you and mug hard ba...
12:26 PM
yesterday i got a pretty good taste of how bad hostel life can actually be.. i was feeling weird and drenched out yesterday night.. body felt cold one moment and then hot the next moment.. if you are not feeling well physically, your mental state cannot be any better right? so i was feeling real down yesterday night.. there was no one to talk to.. no one to complain to.. no one to ask for attention to.. no one.. just me and my 3 just met room mates.. it is a very terrible feeling being all alone with no one caring even if you die the next moment.. tried sms-ing someone.. hoping to find someone to cheer me up.. he was insensitive to what i am going through at that moment.. his reply stunned me for a moment before i can come up with a reply.. i know he didn't mean that.. but it made me feel worse.. sick & alone.. no good at all.. i miss home.. i miss school.. i miss laughter.. i miss smiles.. i miss craziness.. i miss being healthy.. i miss being physically well-abled.. this month is not for me.. this year is not for me.. this world is not for me.. blabbering again.. sorry..
10:52 AM
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
haha, after such a long time, i'm back in lep room and blogging again!!! haha, feels so good to be blogging and tagging after it seems like a thousand years!!! hearing the sound of fingers hitting the letters on the keyboard and seeing the words coming out after the blinker on the screen is suddenly so shuang! haha, paiseh la, life at hostel is really super depriving la.. no computer for your own use, which means no blogging, tagging and chatting on msn messenger! no tv watching as and when you like, which means sianz and boring life! no brothers and parents around, which means there is no one to play and kachiao you when you feel seriously bored and no one to care for you when you dont feel well or happy.. haiz.. quite sad right? but i guess i have to sacrifice and learn to bear with this tough and horrible period for the sake of my prelims and a-levels!!! i must endure!!!
i definitely have to do so!!! i must be able to do so!!! for the sake of my parents as they've spent so much money on my school fees, exam fees and hostel fees! for the sake of my moe teaching scholarship to fulfil my dreams! for the sake of all the teachers whom i've spoken to and given me lots of encouragements! for the sake of him plus all my friends and juniors who've been so supportive and encouraging all these while! for the sake of myself so that i wont have any regrets and tears upon coming back for release of results next year! to everyone else, jia you jia you jia you wo~ dont give up!!! we'll definitely be able to endure past de! dont give up!
anyway, now on to peiqun CIP last saturday. i cant help but went to do it as i havent done it before and i really want to spend one morning with kids. to get in touch with their innocence and to tap from them some of the carefree attitude. they are really very cute! although i'm sure they'll be quite insulted if they know we call them cute as after all they're already in primary 5 lohz. i've to agree there're times when i do feel like scolding at them for being so mischievious but i'm glad that i didn't because towards the end of the day, its their playful character that leaves an impact on me and made me miss them. mostly its the guys who are forever up to nothing good and the gals who are all very nice and sweet. i was constantly reminded of my primary school days as i bring them around for the day.. haha, me being called tigress and tomboy, going around hitting guys real hard if they ever laugh or bully me. and my hits are real hard so after a while the guys learn their lessons and stay away from me le, heez. anyone interested in having a taste do tell me la, i go brush up on my skill then let you have a taste of it, haha, just joking. :P
in the end our group, group3 got 1st!!! haha, the kids were all super elated and excited when they heard the results la! the guys were jumping up and down and up and down lohz, haha, so comical! we then took lots of photos for memorial purposes after which they have to leave le. i really miss the way the whole group can shout our modified non-english kebaba cheer so much in unison! i'm really amazed and touched everytime they shout the cheer in response to us.. they're real good. haha, of course there is the chicken dance that the guys particularly like to keep doing and exaggerating the movements somemore. haha, it never fails to make me laugh like hell whenever i see them dance.. haha, hope we can have a group 3 gathering after my a-levels, haha.
also, went back to anderson yesterday with yunli to register for chinese relief teaching at anderson sec for next year from january to june. haha, kiasu hoh? but for us its ok la, want to let the teachers there know so that when we really come next year we can be guaranteed a space to teach. although the school is currently undergoing intensive construction and a lot of changes has taken place, it still feels good to go back and see all the teachers and juniors around. haha, me and yunli so desperate for job that when we go inside the bookshop to visit the bookshop auntie and heard that she is employing, we immediately agreed! haha, i've got lots of jobs lined up for me after a-levels! haha. it is just great going back and talking endlessly to the teachers who have taught you before! you can pour out your sorrows and troubles to them without worries and they'll just console and give you advice back. i just feel so fortunate to be able to have met real good teachers back in anderson that can still remember me and still treat me like their student even though we have graduated for so long.. just sad that i am not able to meet some teachers..
anyway, going back and seeing my juniors is another great part of going back anderson! miss them always la, haha, but quite sad to say that only get to see some of them only. but still, it was great seeing them and talking to them again after such a long time. though they keep suan-ing and gek-ing me as per usual, which seems to be like what every single junior i have is doing to me also? anderson and hwachong juniors, haha, or is it just me being very easy to bully? hmmm.. anyway, glad that i'll be going back to teach next year so i'll still get to see the last batch of juniors that i know. now for some disgusting stuff, i saw this damn stupid idiotic bastard when i go back anderson too.. pardon my vulgar language but whenever i mentioned him, my blood boils!!! he is one disgusting faceless bastard who is damn despo for gals of all schools, all ages and all races! he spoilt my reputation during sec2 by telling the guys in my class that i'm his gf when its not the truth! to hell with him! i'll always curse and swear him for as long as i live! haha, after graduating for two years, he is still rotting in anderson, serve him right to the power of infinity! hope he graduate from anderson this year so that i can say good riddance to him and wont have to face him when i go back anderson to teach next year! sorry for sounding so evil, but he deserve it and i believe i wont accumulate bad karma because cursing him should be accumulating good karma! grrr... ok, shall stop talking about him liaoz, eeeks lohz.
ok le, after blogging for nearly 50minutes, oh my, time do pass real quickly! i've to go back to hostel to mug le... haiz.. nothing to look forward now except MAF le.. everyone jia you and dont give up ya? by the way, do come for MAF! and do look out(or shall i say hear out?) for my dedication to all of you my friends!!! haha, all the best for mugging, dont give up and do take care lots of your health!!! cya~ =)
5:08 PM
Friday, August 26, 2005
i'd gotten scolded for leaving him in u all's care.. i hope me choosing to not go had been a right choice.. i hope you all had enjoyed the gathering as a ju.. i hope my bro enjoyed himself thoroughly and will find back his motivation from the korkor and jiejie to study into express.. i just hope.. am i giving up...??? i've no idea.. none at all.. i feel like.. but i haven't.. but i arn't striving too.. haiz.. dont know le..
10:48 PM
now at lep room using computer, finally get to come my blog after such a long time!!! haha, i've officially moved into hostel since tuesday night!!! haha, up til now everything has been fine for me regarding my life in hostel so to those who were worried, i'm doing fine! except for my stupid sprained ankle la!!! grrr.. anyway, i've got three very friendly and warm roommates living with me, two sajc jc1 gals (a malaysian and an indonesian) and a hcjc jc2 who moved in to hostel with the same motive as me. one sad thing is that they dont speak chinese one!!! argh.. suddenly i'm forced to brush up on my english speaking which is very bad and broken and really cannot make it one la.
by the way, i'll be going home today and moving in ALL my stuff from home to officially begin my mugging and lifeless time in the hostel.. so sad iseneh.. haiz.. but guess i'm left with no choice if i want to do well in a-levels so that i have no regrets and get the moe teaching scholarship next year! everyone wish me luck ba! haha, i wish everyone best of luck too!!! it is getting more and more scary day by day as the date of our prelims get closer and closer.. but up til now, i know i wont give up as i got many people supporting me and giving me encouragement! especially as i've got his card and sms with me all the time! it serves as a huge motivation!!! haha.. everyone jia you wo~!!! =) no matter what dont give up because it'll be over soon de!!! trust me!!!
by right i should be on my way to chinatown for dinner.. actually have been thinking about whether i should go or not since i heard of it.. under the persuasion of the juniors, i decided to grace the occasion with my brother until today.. i changed my mind after thinking about it thoroughly.. i decided not to go.. i made my mind on my own, it has nothing to do with anyone else. i can understand everything.. i know how it feels.. i know that i do not really belong no matter what.. i'll never belong.. i've never been through tough three months with them.. no matter what, i'll still stay as an outsider.. i know who i am.. i can fully understand.. suddenly, i can feel the way lin dai yu felt when she was shut outside jia bao yu's house.. i guess this is just the way of life ya..? this is how relationship between people work de.. this is how people think de.. this is what i can never ever change de.. why is it so sad to be human? why is inter-personal relationship so complicating.. so hard to manage.. so hard to control.. haha.. actually i really have no idea what i'm typing now already.. just sitting in front of the computer and typing away.. waiting for time to pass by so that i can go home with my brother when he is back from the ju outing.. oh no.. i'm becoming more and more like lin dai yu... hahaha... sprouting nonsense, dont waste time reading the above entry... suddenly feel so alone.. hahaha...
6:55 PM
Monday, August 22, 2005
haiz, today is a BAD day for me.. think i must have offended some of the good brothers out there hanging around or i must have accumulated too many bad karma.. =( anyway, the day started off with me forgetting to bring my ez-link card because yesterday my brothers use it to get link points after buying Mac meal for dinner and i forgot to get my card back from them.. so in the end, i boarded the bus in the morning without paying because i have no coins either!!! soooo sorry bus driver.. i didn't mean to cheat on you, just thankful he didn't catch me if not i also dont know what to do liaoz.. after which the whole day went on as per normal until lessons officially ended for us because we 04S73 lep students got hong lou test! we had a super hard time trying to find an empty classroom where we can take the test la! suddenly all the empty classrooms are occupied, lohz. haha, with regards to the test, i give up liaoz, study so much, none of the wen yan wen stays in my head lahz.. haiz.. suan le.. i gave my best when studying for it last night liaoz.. if i still fail.. i'm speechless..
after pia-ing for the test, i went to join 05S73 for P.E. yea~!!! haha, another wish granted~~~ it was real fun and awkward joining la, haha, but glad i managed to blend in wo~ heez. watching the juniors play is highly entertaining lohz, got a lot of super animated people in junior class: soonhock is like forever jumping around like his shoe got spring and saving ball with air jump out of the court one; guanhan keeps trying to score but keeps missing except for the last time where he do the yes! thing after scoring; meat and joanne being so hiong and energetic through out the whole game; shiyan and doreen always miss catching the ball by a bit.. haha, it was just fun except that i didn't really get to touch the ball and i sprained my left ankle twice when i went on the court twice.. -_-" haiz.. super duper unlucky!!! sob sob.. it hurts now.. shall go and tui1 na2 again.. will be limping around again.. will be inconvenienced again.. argh.. hate myself! stupid and careless me!
oh ya, found out today that a lot of people actually reads my blog regularly!!! oh my god, dont know whether i should feel honoured or stressed. honoured as so many people care about me enough to read about what happens to me everyday, about my mundane lifestyle.. stressed as i'll have to be careful what i type? haha, its ok la, i believe all the people reading my blog are nice people and wont criticise me over what i write so i need not worry too much? haha, anyway, i'll be moving in hostel from tomorrow onwards so this blog is officially in a dormant mode until my a-levels is over or when i get to go home and slack. i officially declare that i'll be moving "house" on saturday or sunday so those who want to help me so tell me ya? ;) in the meanwhile, to everyone out there that i know: jia you for mugging and all the very best of luck for the upcoming prelims and o-levels/a-levels!!! we can overcome this period of torture de! never say die! never give up! gambate neh! =) and do take care lots too! dont fall sick! cya~
6:28 PM
Saturday, August 20, 2005
haha, i'm still staying at home but i'll most probably be moving in by next week so interested house-moving helpers do let me know wo~ heez, just kidding, but if anyone would like to help i'm most willing to accept too wo, haha. currently got fengyi, peihan, wanxin and yingting volunteering liaoz. ;) thanks lots for offering~ =)
anyway, today went out from afternoon onwards, just reach home not long ago. firstly went school meet the zwxh juniors for lunch before going together with them to support chailing @ sajc national chinese song-writing competition. the whole lot of us went to "ke ai ji" to eat our lunch, those fortunate get to seat on tables aka ame, xxx, chujie, yingjie, beng, chaohsiang&ziyun, whereas those not so fortunate sat on stairs to eat aka me, boonie, cher, nf, georgia, shell&xueyi. haha, quite a nice experience la, heez. after which when we reached sajc, we were about time for the competition to start. ok, to be frank, and not to be biased, i really think that some of the songs written by our ge fang members are better than those that got in la!!! haha, quite funny as i see singing, playing, fashion and performing disaster on stage, sometimes cannot even bear to look even. in my opinion, chailing's song still rocks!!! there was one song which i liked, but only the song and not the singing as they play electric guitar and er hu together which i really enjoyed listening. haiz, really dont know what went on in the judges mind when they select those for finals la.. oh ya, saw li wei song, li si song&one of the 24 superstars which i dont know his name, do pardon me. felt quite surreal to see famous people around? also saw a hwa chong senior and an anderson senior, both of which i know existed but never got to know them personally de. haha, anyway, after that we went out to reception area for food and drinks.
oh man, wang lao shi's son very cute!!! super duper huggly! really very lovable~!!! haha, do pardon me but i cannot stop praising his son as he allowed me to hug him for very long a time without protesting or struggling despite my sweaty body. haha, he keep burying his face into my shoulder which is so nice! then he wetted the sleeves of my huang cheng tee with his saliva as he keeps bitting on my clothes, dont know why he did that too, haha. then he is very strong for his age! just 4 months and he can hold on to people's finger with his hand tightly without letting go wo! can ask chujie or chaohsiang or jamie about it, haha. and he weighs 8kg! haha, quite tiring to carry him and sayang him and sway him a bit about at the same time but i just got carried away and didn't really care about the soar that starts to build up in my arms, heez. then in the end have to pass him back to wang lao shi as his older son is staring at me with hostile looks and muttering to his mum, most probably not happy with me "holding hostage" to his little brother for so long ba, wahahaha.
after which take bus and mrt to PS where me, cher, xxx, beng and nf went for pool session. as cher and nf are wearing school tee, they have to wear something to cover, cher got her jacket but nf have to borrow the dao ju pullover from xxx, haha, poor xxx, have to disinfect the pullover liaoz. haha, in the end, all of us managed to at shoot in more than 1 ball!!! and xxx was super pro or tyco as she said, can shoot balls in one after another for 3 consecutive times leh! haha, also to note, the ball that gets in are normally not those that she aimed at, hmmm.. weird right? haha, generally, it was quite fun and its again another brand new experience for me. haha, got nf to become our pool teacher as we have not much of an idea on how to play. then went to PS for our dinner where we chatted, gossiped and told jokes until forgot the time. left at 9pm in the end and saw muppet when we on our way to mrt station! haha, talked a while with her and her mum. after which went home alone on north-south line, glad that i got a seat all the way to yishun and i managed to mug a bit on the train cause no other things to do with handphone no more battery. saw a lot of ah bengs on the train.. quite shocked at the number i saw.. anyway, tired liaoz, shall go sleep and mug tomorrow!!! =)
10:22 PM
Friday, August 19, 2005
wantana being "threatened" by powrabbit, wahahahaha.. =)
8:53 PM
liting's typical pose for shooting~
8:52 PM
sianzzz... =P
8:51 PM
yea~ 4 of a gang ;)
8:50 PM
apollo fac shirt rox~! (2)
8:49 PM
apollo fac shirt rox~! (1)
8:48 PM
Bball rox~!!! haha, all of us who alwys play tgt during PE except yuanyi who left early.
8:47 PM
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
The pigs from 05S73 juniors!!! So cute!!! oh my goodness.. i love it so much!!! :D
10:31 PM
The 3 sunflowers i got for that day!!! So bright!!! So colourful!!! So cheering!!! ;)
10:29 PM
The 3 roses i got for that day!!! So nice!!! So pretty!!! So sweet!!! =)
10:28 PM
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
i hereby vow that i shall never ever take bus home between 5.30-7.30pm!!! so many cars!!! so many people!!! so long a waiting time!!! and yet miss buses running past without stopping!!! argh... its really terrible... such a horrible and frustrating experience today... haha, actually i can be counted fortunate, at least i took a bus to macritchie to wait for the bus rather than to an earlier bus-stop like dave and nd who didn't manage to squeeze up 852 but i did! and i saw huanwei on the bus! haha, she was so surprised to see me as i left the school much ealier than her and i boarded the same bus as her still in the end.. grrr... such a waste of time!
haha, ok la, what happen after which brought up my mood: georgia called me and we started chatting and laughing happily throughtout my whole bus journey home. haha, yea, i'll be joining 05S73 for PE this coming monday, heez. have been contemplating that thought ever since i knew of their PE slot and since next week is last official week for J2s, i shall grab my last chance and join the juniors for PE! hope we will all have lots of fun and i can have more happy memories with me after that.. yipee~~~ =P wahahaha =)
8:17 PM
Monday, August 15, 2005
was supposed to be blogging about this yesterday but i reached home too late and dad doesnt allow me to stay up.. tried staying up on bed to wait until he sleep then wake up quietly to blog, but obviously i failed and really slept. want to blog in the morning but went out with family to eat then dad went out with his keys leaving the rest of ur without keys so locked out of the house for a whole of five hours! ah... such a waste of time.. such a period of torture for me!!! i was so anxious to get back to my flowers and gifts from yesterday la!!! anyway, back to yesterday.. (p.s. a super duper long entry coming up!!! and also it may just be the last entry since i moving to hostel soon.. so do pardon my diarrhoea of words!)
firstly, a brief description of what went on yesterday. on the bus, i received a sms from him saying that he will be coming to watch!!! i was so happy i was like smiling for the whole of my journey to school, heez. then was supposed to reach school at 2pm to practise somemore with choonsiang but in the end i was late by half an hr in order to help wanxin buy black nail polish and myself to get batteries for my camera. got this nice lady at coro ntuc who let me go first before her as i only buy one thing and she has a whole trolley, singaporeans are still nice in general de! =) ok, coming back, in the end reach school go locker get all my stuff then no time to practise much before going up to lt3 at 3pm. turn out that it was locked so we waited outside patiently, after a while i saw uncle chong so once again, i forced myself to be thick-skinned and approached uncle chong to ask him to open lt3 for us(justin, you'd better not laugh after reading this! if not i going to hit you hoh!)
after which, we went in and have a mini run-through, it was rather successful except that i forgot my lyrics half-way! diaognz.. stupid brain of mine.. ok, then we practised and listened to cher's and jamie's comments on how to improve. personally, i liked all the 6 songs that went in geyao finals!!! all very nice oh! next, went up lep room to get prepared for the competition liaoz, have to change and get made-up. haha, sorry i made a lot of noise when i was being drawn on cause i seriously hate to put stuff on my face lohz, heez. glad that in the end it turned out great on stage, haha. then went to eat dinner at canteen before going in audi to be prepared for the actual competition le. throat hasnt been feeling well so i kept gulping down water so have to go refill water and go toilet often, haha.
not long after, the whole thing officially starts! started with yinfei's grp den chailing. got a short guest performance by jias and jinjing after which it was zhiwei's turn le. the whole thing just went on very quickly, not soon after, it is my turn to get on stage. haha, one thing to say, the backstage of audi very cold!!! my legs were shaking and my hands were freezing when i went out la! my heart was beating so fast and i was feeling very nervous. received a lot of well-wishes at backstage which boosted my confidence quite a bit, haha. then when on stage, haha, thanks to my class people, many people shall know me as ladybird from yesterday onwards liaoz. haha, but their shouts really settled my heart quite a bit and i even managed to smile a bit, haha, thanks 04S73!!! choonsiang also la, become small box(xiao he zi) liaoz, hahaha, so funny! then when we were ready, i start to sing, initially feeling really nervous but towards the middle, i started to enjoy myself a bit, heez. and i smiled whenever i think of him being somewhere in the audience, haha. haiz, no matter what i do, theres bound to be something that causes regret in me. i mixed up my lyrics and sang offtune during the high pitch part.. very bad but haha, most people didn't notice so still ok ba, heez. =P
after we performed, it is the start of the interval, i went back to the audi and was truly overwhelmed! all the flowers, all my friends, all the praises, all the encouragements, all the assurances, all the gifts, all the hugs, all the surprises, haha, it was just, oh my god la. haha, i was really touched!!! then i managed to find my 2 kors who especially came down to support me!!! haha, i really regret not being able to chat with u all longer or taking pictures with u all!!! such a pity!!! seriously, i felt so much like a star yesterday la, it was really a rare opportunity! people saying i look great/good/pretty, people saying i sang well/great.. haha, felt like i was in heaven la, haha. after interval, there was ame then wanxin&pork. after which got mu chuan singers! they were real cool and great! i really enjoy singing my hearts out with them! so much fun! then the prize presentation part, best lyrics written: fengyi&ame; best tune composed: wanxin&pork; most popular: wanxin&pork again; overall best: yinfei's grp. congrats to all who won!!! to say that i dont feel disappointed is really blatantly telling a lie, cause i was given false hopes by many people so got high expectations lohz. but, thinking back, i'm just real happy and satisfied that i got to perform at geyao!!! so now, i'm only feeling great and thankful, partly also because he was there, heez.
after the whole thing, was again overwhelmed by another group of people, my anderson juniors!!! haha, really very touched and happy that at least there were a few of them who came down! they can represent all the other juniors for all i care! hahaha, yea~ then took 04S73 class photo with a lot of weird and funny poses, haha, typical 73 behavior ba, wahahaha, then went out to talk with all whom i know who came to the competition, haha, it was just pure bliss and enjoyment. it just feels great to catch up with people who you no longer get to see often in school or in life. haha then wait for the geyao people to debrief finish then we all went to kap to sit a while before leaving for home, which is quite late at that time already. really hate heels as they torture my feet! so i took off the heels and walked barefoot to the bus-stop opp kap to wait for bus. took 74 with many others and then alight at ang mo kio with david, then we took a taxi as we figured we had missed the last bus liaoz. lucky for me, the taxi overtook a 851 which i took and managed to reach home quite successfully.
when i was on my way home.. passed by 2 groups of males and i feel so cheap.. one group was like there is this guy who suddenly sang some crude songs when i walked past.. then the other group was like looking back at me when i passed by with disgusting lecherous looks.. argh.. shall not dress up again in the future liaoz.. erk.. my phone shut off due to empty battery and upon reaching home, rush into a frenzy of replying sms after clearing up, haha, after which fell asleep liaoz. up next, my thank you list!(hope i dont miss anyone out!) they are:
- cher(for all ur comments&effort put in)&guangfeng
- chujie(for going through the trouble at dealing with my tickets)&huanwei(for ur note!)
- michelle, justin, peihan, chaohsiang, fengyi(chi soc exco, good!)
- nicholas, ame, yiyun, xxx, zixian, jiching(daoju best!backdrop nice!)
- weilong, georgia, lingyun, cheeyun&shell(huazhuang rox!)
- weiqi, weiying&tianjiao(fuzhuang rox!)
- jamie&yingjie(yinxiang rox!)
- junyi&pinyun(dengguang rox!)
- beng&jiayan(xuanchuan rox!)
- yaozheng&jolene(sheying rox!)
-wonky, chailing, xueyi, pohjee, ningfei, dave, yunling, yinghong, boonie, vaneh, xiaoyuan&all who helped out! (hard on you all le!)
- wanxin(your song made my dream come true!), pork(thx for the support & advice all along!), cs(ur playing super pro~!), lijie&siyu&weisi&yuanyi(thx for the bouquet!), hoohoo(thx for the rose!), pow, xavier, weikiat, erene, jieying, justin, set&jaspar(thx for the flower&the card! 04S73, yea man~!)
- weiquan, james, jiankai,veron, meatball, kailing, doreen etc(05S73 jnrs rox! the pig is super duper cute!!!)
- soonkiat(thx for e chocs!), jias, jinjing, jinx, alice, eileen, damian, wanyi, yuexin, jiayin, kiaying, cheonghengq, deryl, kaijie&liting&kailing&siokyee(thx for the rose!), weekuan, guohong(thx for the rose!), alvin, mavis, xuefen, zhiqi, cailing(thx for the sunflower!), cheryl, jingjun(thx for the light stick!), ammily, zihui, shuhan, yiquan&songyu(snrs lead on!)
- angela(thx for the rose!), xuetying&qinghua(thx for the choc!), lenny, wenqi, huaming, rachel, vannessa, esther, zhenbin, vincent, shiyan, fangfang, teeyan, raymond, wenxiang, yanwen&everyone else who i know
that came down to support!!!
- zzyo, weicong, peijoo&shiyun(4/4'03 leads on~!!! thx for the sunflower!)
- sars(thx for supporting ur mei!), chiahong(thx for the card& being able to make it in the end!!!), jasmine, renying, gladys&huihui(ASJAB,our common destiny!)
- yunz, mingtse, eugene, karen, xiaoyan&everyone else who were not able to make it but sent me their best wishes&good luck!!!
really hope i didn't leave out anyone.. without you all, yesterday night would not have been the greatest experience ever in my lifetime!!! it was the best time i've had! i'm at a lost to describe how big&deep an impact it has left on me, geyao 2005 was a sucess in my eyes!!!
finally, to all the juniors(please look here!): some of you may feel that this year's geyao was a screwup. but just let me say some facts, the turnout of the audience was better than last years geyao despite the cost of the tix, was better than arts fest, was better than many school performances and could even be compared to body language le! also, what was the main objective of geyao? it is to present all the contestants' songs sucessfully and to let the audience enjoy themselves and get their worth of the $5 tix, both of which had been accomplished already! nobody and nothing can be perfect,mistakes are inevitable simply because we are human not deity!!! no matter how things go, regardless whether smoothly or badly, there'll always be room for improvement de! so long as you all have given in your best, put in the effort to making it as sucessful as possible, it is enough. like what i've said before in one of my previous entry, as long as you all can answer to yourself, the stress, pressure&criticisms seniors give just take it and then leave it ya? what i say may seem too one-sided and not convincing, but i have confidence in the way you all handle and do things. with you all in charge, i am well assured. doubt this means anything to you all as i'm not in exco previously or hold any high posts whatsoever so whatever i have said earlier, to take it or not is up to you all. BUT, do not let anything bring any of you down, continue to give in your best for chi soc oh!
10:20 AM
Friday, August 12, 2005
was consistently reminded by different teachers that our official tetiary education with lessons and tutorials are ending pretty soon.. during maths, bengbeng said: two weeks later we'll be on our own to fight the upcoming a-levels already..; during PE, alextan said: next week will be your last PE lesson, make it an effort to come, it'll be free game session.. is it really that fast? my two years in junior college is ending soon! there wont be anymore teachers/tutors, uniform/hair spotcheck, classrooms, classmates, morning assembly, cca in the future le.. it seems so surreal.. so unbelievable.. time has really flown past us.. too fast for it to seem real..
then, the sadness starts to dawn in.. i'm going to miss so many things! i'm going to miss bengbeng! i'm going to miss ms wong! i'm going to miss huang cheng! i'm going to miss 04&05S73! i'm going to miss ge fang! i'm going to miss lep! i'm going to miss all my friends in hwa chong! i'm going to miss all my juniors! i'm going to miss taking 45min bus ride to school! i'm going to miss the canteen uncles and aunties! i'm going to miss the morning assembly where no one in 04S73 will willingly go in front! i'm going to miss all the clapping and fun and laughter! i'm going to miss being called zhu zhang by my zhu yuans.. i'm going to miss all the outings i've ever had.. i'm going to miss all the dinners i've had outside home.. i'm going to miss all the conversations i have with so many people.. i'm going to miss.. i think the list can just go on and on.. i really cant bear to leave hwa chong.. but i guess i have to in the end so the only thing i can do is to treasure every single moment i have in school ya? haiz.. i'll bring camera everyday until end of this term.. i want to take pics with everyone i know!!! i want to safekeep all the memories we have with pictures to support.. i feel real reluctant.. but guess i have to learn to let go once again..
10:29 PM
jus want to thank every single person who will be going to watch ge yao this saturday!!! i dunno wat to say or how to express how grateful and touched i feel.. just lotsa thanks for willing to come down on a saturday evening and spend $5 to listen to our songs.. i'm sure u all wont regret buying e tix de! i'll give in all i have and sing to my best de! keep ur ears open for what we can present to u oh~! once again, thanks.
to those who haven bought tix, better grab them fast.. dont miss this opportunity.. dont regret ur choice ltr.. come watch ge yao!!! :)
12:15 AM
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
我以往快乐幸福的家跑哪里去了？？！！我的爸爸呢？我的妈妈呢？我的弟弟呢？我受不了了。。我声嘶力竭地哭了。。我这次真的累了。。头痛了。。。
4:51 PM
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
to those who managed to see my earlier entries(which i have deleted), i'm sorry for exposing you all to the streams of caps and vulgarities.. i'm feeling much better le anyway, so long as i dont think about it and nothing causes me to think about it.. to those who consoled and encouraged me(peihan, fengyi, xiaoyuan & xuetying) thanks lots! i'll def give in my best for this sat de! i must sing it well and do wanxin proud for her great effort put into writing and composing the song. in the meantime.. i'll still try my best to sell the ticket to people that i know.. i dont approach just any cat & dog.. i really only asked those that mean something to me..
its very saddening and depressing when you find others being so heartless and cruel to you.. but i guess there's nothing you can do other than be ignorant of it and live on cheerfully? i did consider changing drastically, being very cold and hard and devoid of emotions after being hurt.. but i realise i cant do it.. i'll still care and give like i always do.. and also because there're people who do deserve the treatment i give.. sometimes i'll think and become very worried over whether what happen for my sec sch friends and juniors will happen for my jc friends and juniors.. *shivers* i sincerely hope that doesnt occur...
however, its also very touching and heart-warming when people tell you, "oh, so you are competing/singing?! ok, i'll go and support you!" shall look more and the bright side of life and the better variety of people.. if not i'll break down totally.. haha..
8:01 PM
Sunday, August 07, 2005
昨天去了语特十五周年的庆祝会，本来以为我的班只有我一人，谁知到了那边看到了洁莹，还蛮惊讶的。昨天真的有好多语特的学长学姐们回来喔~！！！看到了许许多多陌生的人，心里感觉怪怪的，当然也有看到不少熟悉的脸孔，像去年毕业的学姐学长们还有几位道具的学长，看到他们，感到很开心和舒服。看到了高一生所呈现的表演，笑道肚皮差点爆掉了！超搞笑啦！然后就是金晶和嘉欣的歌唱，她们唱了倒带和原点，真的是听出耳油了！超好听啦！最后是刚毕业的学姐学长们的表演，他们唱了语特的一分子和一首特别为余老师所写的歌，令人感动。过后便是茶点的时候了，那时便看到了新闻主播，蔡莹（是这样写的吗？），她真的是好美好美噢！谁都不好会相信她竟然已经是两个孩子的妈了！最后在吃的时候跟几位学姐学长谈话，以便了解以后如果要走哪个方向能向谁求助等等。也看到了以前中文学会的学长学姐，尝试向他们卖歌谣的票。。但是并不成功。。最后是道具的学长YiQuan帮我们买了当天唯一卖出的两张票。但是，我相信，歌谣一定会有很多人出席的！
过后留下来帮高一们清理残局，搬东搬西，让我又再次喷汗，同时也犹如回到前三个月在道具时的感觉。搬那个移动性的舞台是最辛苦的！现在两只手好痛，而且还有瘀青。。穿美美搬东西的滋味也不错，哈哈，还蛮好玩的。=P 搬完和整理过后，就回家了。
9:45 AM
Saturday, August 06, 2005
today tried advertising ge yao to my secondary school juniors.. i am very sad.. no one is interested.. my dearest sec sch jnrs? hahahaha.. so ironic.. guess i was just disillusioned? haiz.. sometimes we really just cannot have any expectations of other people ya? when we chose to contribute, to give in our time and efforts to other people, to support other people, we just cannot expect them to do the same.. its so sad isn't.. i was really hoping that those juniors who have occupied a great place in my heart will at least support me once in my whole jc sch life by coming to ge yao.. it was just my wishful thinking.. among the forty over juniors.. i am glad to have three that are really juniors worth my attention and care.. thanks jingjie, connie and suzanne for taking time to support me @ soiree and huang cheng! i'll never forget the support u all gave me.. i'm very glad to have u 3 as my jnr! =) u all must jia you for o-levels and i believe u 3 will be able to score well de!!! i can understand that the time of ge yao is not very appropiate as you all need to study for prelims and final yr exams.. but.. i am just disheartened.. really..
11:47 AM
Friday, August 05, 2005
haha, i'm like so happy now la. why leh? because on msn messenger chat, of the 30 people that i'm trying to chat with simultaneously, around 80% will be going for ge yao!!! haha, thanks lots for willing to pay $5 and giving up the saturday evening and come back to school to watch the competition! i'm sure it'll be a great experience for u all and it'll def be worth e price!!! hope those that are not interested or still deciding whether or not to go, do go in the end, i'm sure u all will not regret ur choice! i'll be singing solo with choonsiang playing the guitar, support me with action by coming down to watch ge yao!!! support ge fang!!! support zwxh!!! if anyone want to buy ticket can get it from me ya? its $5. ge yao 2005 @ hc audi, 13/8/2005, 7.30pm. cya there~ =)
11:37 PM
Monday, August 01, 2005
哈哈，好高兴哦~！！！昨天终于再次听到了你的声音，你还是跟以前一样，三言两语就能逗我开心。跟你聊天时，真的很享受，时间就像停住了般因为我根本感觉不到它的流失。你的关心、慰问和给予我的学习方针，令我感到很窝心，我会牢牢记住并遵守的！=) 你的鼓励和打气让我几乎气馁的心又活跃了起来，我会继续加油不放弃的！;)
7:21 PM
刚刚看过了黄城夜韵2005的光碟，看着看着、想着想着、思考着、回忆着、享受着、留恋着、怀念着、种种情绪涌上心头。心胸澎湃不已，眼眶湿了，眼泪落了，对于黄城的思念如波涛汹涌般把我卷入其中，不能自拔。。。不知道是否是最近情绪上的不稳定所造成，那种黄城过后的忧虑感又再次袭我而来。。。黄城已经在我心里拥有了一个永远不能被替代或磨灭的位置。。相信在许多人的心中也是如此吧。。希望黄城能继续感动参与的人和观看的人，让黄城那种非笔墨所能形容的精神永远存在！
今年的高一学弟学妹们（希望你们都会看到接下来的话），你们从参加黄城到现在，对于中文学会的付出和努力都是有目共睹的，令学长（们？）感到非常欣慰和感动。你们要继续加油下去喔~!!! =) 不管将来遇到多么大的困难或阻碍都别放弃因为你们绝对是能克服的！我们学长（aka校友）对于黄城是爱之深责之切的，对于黄城的要求也会因此而苛刻（有些时候甚至无意地变得过分）所以你们不要太在意好吗？只要你们已经尽了力，觉得没有对不起任何人就行了！愿你们对黄城的爱和热忱能持续下去，让你们在遇到挫折的时候能撑过去。情绪有点不稳定，思绪也很复杂，有可能有点语无伦次，但是都是肺腑之言、苦口婆心。。就像《狱中上母书》的夏完淳。。哈哈。。
今年的高一学弟学妹们（希望你们都会看到接下来的话），你们从参加黄城到现在，对于中文学会的付出和努力都是有目共睹的，令学长（们？）感到非常欣慰和感动。你们要继续加油下去喔~!!! =) 不管将来遇到多么大的困难或阻碍都别放弃因为你们绝对是能克服的！我们学长（aka校友）对于黄城是爱之深责之切的，对于黄城的要求也会因此而苛刻（有些时候甚至无意地变得过分）所以你们不要太在意好吗？只要你们已经尽了力，觉得没有对不起任何人就行了！愿你们对黄城的爱和热忱能持续下去，让你们在遇到挫折的时候能撑过去。情绪有点不稳定，思绪也很复杂，有可能有点语无伦次，但是都是肺腑之言、苦口婆心。。就像《狱中上母书》的夏完淳。。哈哈。。
6:25 AM