Thursday, October 13, 2005
i think i am currently still in the abyss of depression i fell in few days ago.. i thought i have managed to climb out successfully but in fact i haven't.. haha.. this is bad.. i know it's bad.. haha.. but there seems to be nothing that i can do about it? i can still laugh, if making laughing sound is counted as laugh that is.. my smiles will spring back after it's purpose has been served.. i want to stay away from everyone around me.. i want to be anti-social.. but can i when i have to come to school and meet people who know me everyday? can i don't smile? can i don't say hi? can i don't wave? i can't.. i can't be selfish and hurt others because of my bad moods.. haha.. i can't.. and i can only say serve myself right? haha.. i even thought of bluffing that i have a sore throat so that i can don't speak to anyone.. so that i can don't open my mouth.. so that people won't think somethind is wrong with me when i don't speak at all for the whole day.. this morning i was outside hui suo on the sofa.. my thoughts ran wild.. and i started thinking what will happen if i jumped down from there into the central plaza.. what's scarier was.. ok.. think i should self-censor.. i don't want to worry people uneccessary.. i will be alright after a while de.. just need to vent it out.. haha..
10:49 AM
