haiz.. now my computer is spoilt!!! oh man.. cannot do anything at all liaoz, sian diao! haha, thank goodness can use friend's computer now.. haiz, think i wont be able to blog for a long time to come.. everyone take care and have fun during this upcoming holiday ok? cya~

haha, yea yea yea yea yea!!! a-levels are really over!!! i am free!!! i am liberated!!! i feel sooo happy~!!! so excited!!! after such torturing weeks, i'm done with junior college education!!! hahaha, yea yea yea yea~!!! pardon me but i very high now!!! super duper high!!! high to the power of infinity!!! haha, can just keep smiling and laughing to myself for the whole day today and maybe even for days to come!!! hahaha, so so so glad that everythings over, haha, seems like i'm the only one going high and crazy today but never mind, haha, nothing can make me sad for today! haha, yea yea yea yea yea!!! :P

p.s. anyone who very pro at computer and software and stuff can offer their service ma? i facing a huge problem with my computer at home now... SOS!!! contact me via handphone, thanks le, now using hostel computer.. packing up and going home le!!!!!!! =D

phew, just came back from the concert held at singapore indoor stadium where li3 sheng4 jie2, cai4 chun2 jia1, ou1 de2 yang2, zhang1 dong4 liang2 and jolin tsai performed. one thing about the 5 of them, they sure can sing live. it was really a pleasure listening to them sing 5 of their popular songs and singing along with them. i enjoyed myself and recorded quite a lot until my battery run out and i did not manage to record 2 of the songs jolin sang, so sad. jolin is definitely a star, she shines when she is on stage and her dancing is superb loh. ocean sounds just as good as he does on the cd and he looked quite handsome from far wo, heez. actually the concert was great in general except for 3 things. firstly, there was no plasma screen showing the enlarged image of the singers so those at the back can only stare at the figure on the stage and not be able to see their face and costumes clearly! this is really bad, guess i'll have to borrow i-weekly from hoohoo and see the feature for their dress-up liaoz. secondly, the lights are glaring most of the time into your eyes when you try to squint and look at the singers la. in the end my eyes really suffer quite a lot. also lastly, my ears suffer too. basically sometimes the volume was so high and the base was so strong that the effect is bad and torturous for the ear la. but otherwise, it was good.

here's something very funny that i saw during the concert. maybe due to the fact that there are many great concerts coming up so people want to save up money to go to those than to the one today. or that the advertising isn't good enough. because the turnout rate was only like 70%? you can clearly see spaces among the audience which looks ugly. so when the concert started, people that have already settled down started having a mass displacement transition. you just see lots of people shifting to empty seats nearer the stage when the concert starts. for those that bought the cheapest, i can say they got a bargain because all of them came down to the more expensive seats due to the emptiness. it was really funny cause everyone just started moving spontaneously to seats that were not allocated to them originally so as to get a better view when the concert starts loh. hmmm.. typical singaporean behavior and i am guilty of it too~ heez. :p

actually watching such concerts with your family members are enjoyable, but i have to say that it will be fun if i can watch it with my friends.. at least i won't be the only one singing along, i won't be the only one trying to self-entertain, i won't be the only one trying to get high but failed.. at least i can scream and clap loudly when my friends are there to be crazy with me, then can behave the way teenagers behave at concerts and have great fun! haiz.. don't know.. guess i'll still be watching concerts with my family members still.. learn to adapt ba.. =)

yesterday night went all the way to singapore exhibition hall max pavilion to watch the concert of dong1 fang1 bi3 li4, not that i am a fan of his but it just happens that my parents laid their hands on 4 complementary tickets of the concert and that my older brother went to camp so i went to watch. also because one of the guests is zhang1 feng1 qi3 so i guess the concert will be worthwhile ba. had been listening to the advertisements about the concert on radio and was wondering how many people will actually go and support him. i was really amazed at the turnout rate, i can say that there are at least 3000 people who went to watch. got tcs actors anf actress and DJs also. i rather enjoyed myself when billy sang old songs that i like but other times i feel rather sian la, to be serious. but i have to admit that i am encouraged by his fight against leukemia and all the charitable acts he has done all this while, he has indeed earned my admiration. there were videos showing him last year in hospital battling against the disease and all the news about how he kept vomitted blood after the operation.. the billy in the video looked so terrible, bloated and sick.. i am motivated by his strong will to survive.. life is really not about studying, so what if you score well for a-levels? so what if you dont? life goes on right? even if things dont go smoothly or successfully, so long as you have given in your very best, the outcome should not affect you too much. like for the a-levels, so long as you have studied all you could, given in your best shot when attempting the questions, whatever happens next year march is no longer within your control so dont think about them anymore ya? =)

BUT, i have to say i was quite put off by the concert in the sense that there is a strong religion colour over the whole concert.. jesus bless you.. god allow me to pull through.. thank god etc.. i dont want people to think that i am intolerant against christianity, i have lots of christian friends and i dont discriminate them. the fact is i really hate it when they preach to people of other religions about how good christianity is etc. then they will try to ask you to change your religion to christianity when things are going wrong etc. i mean, come on, do you see other religions doing such things? i just feel that everyone should be given the right to choose the knid of religion he/she wants without anyone else reinforcing how great a particular religion is ya? i have listened to christians who come house to house to tell people about what they think of happenings around the world and singapore now patiently for 1/2 an hour. they tell you about how the bible has predicted all these happenings and how christianity can help. i do understand their intention of helping others and sharing their care&concern around. but i am just put off by the fact that they will keep bringing their religion into the discussion. i believe there are many people of other religions, or those that are free-thinkers, whom will agree with me. if i have offended anyone, i am sorry but i just have to say it out. pardon my insolence.

Hahahahahaha!!! i'm left with my last subject for a-levels!!! bio paper 3 and 1!!! haha, yea, it'll be over soon!!! everyone jia you jia you jia jia you wo~!!! :)

i think i'm going crazy, haha, or just that i'm feeling too happy after making past one week of continuous examinations. why do i say that? it's because after my general paper today, i went to lep room and blog! haha, then secondly, i went to search for my maths paper 2 among those of hundreds of other people! actually i found my own question paper after five minutes of searching but i went on to sieve through every single pile to get out all the papers of my classmates for fifteen whole mintues. diaognz. and lastly, i went back to my hostel room alone and laughed for no reason whatsoever for a whole half an hour! haha, it is just like the laughter rushed out of my mouth naturally! keep laughing and laughing, hearing my laughter that sounds pretty weird also. haha, i guess that is like the first time in weeks since i last really laughed heartily ya? it felt great after my laughter incident, so shiok! haha. =P

anyway, to all the jc1s out there, i got notes and tutorials available to pass to you all if you all want! first come first serve wo~ i already got bookings liaoz. my chem and maths tutorial will go to my room mates if none of you wants. my lep notes will be most probably circulating around in 05S73 starting with shell. my bio notes will be with zhixuan. meaning i still got my chem notes and other subject's tutorials, if anyone interested just sms me! and hoh, for the notes that i collate and write by myself, please take care of them ya? because at the end of next year if you all don't need le i still want them back de ya? heez. ;) ok, go watch my movie liaoz! today is a slacking day!!! =)

hahahahahahaha, yea yea yea yea yea!!! finally made it past one whole week of continuous examinations!!! oh man, it felt like one month man.. finally, i'm done with three subjects and only left with two subjects with two papers each! phew, really felt a very strong sense of relief after i handed in my gp paper 2, though i dont feel really good about all the papers, i dont really care liao! i made it past! hahahaha, hurray~! the upcoming papers will be much more easy to handle as there'll be day breaks in between and only one paper per day, one subject per week! haha, yea yea yea~!!! really really very very very happy, though i got a feeling i'll be crying sadly next year march being the lower 30%(dont know if i got the statistics correct or not) of the cohort with lesser than 3As. hah, i dont care liao, if there's a need to cry then i'll cry loh, but after that life goes on and i'll have to move on ma. =P

by the way, guess my previous entry was pretty scandalous and i was shocked to hear my friends trying to guess who the he is.. erm, please dont, because the person is basically non-existent and unknown to most of you so just leave it as it is ya? dont intend to let anymore people know about him because i've decided to keep my feelings hidden from him forever liaoz. those that know who he is please dont tell anymore people liao ok? also really very amazed at the people who does read my blog, shall practise more self-censorship and be careful of what i say liaoz. haiz.. sometimes a diary is much better.. =)

yesterday evening after my family left for some wedding dinner, i'm left on my own to be at home to wait til the time me and him decided to meet.. i hate being at home alone, especially when it is during night time and the whole house suddenly feels so scary.. i keep feeling insecure.. and i hate feeling like this.. so useless.. so weak.. so defenceless.. i need sound, so i turn on the radio and the television so that it seemed like there are people in the house.. i was feeling frustrated at my wasted day at home and all the ramblings from my parents so i went to bathe in hope that it'll make me feel better.. it didn't.. i waited until it was time to meet him and then i left with all the food and drinks to be bought back hostel by myself.. it was heavy.. my mood wasn't good.. everything felt bad.. i felt desolate.. like even if i were to drop dead at the moment there won't be anyone around to know or to care.. that feeling sucks.. tears kept brimming my eyes..

then i reached mrt station.. but he was late so i sat down and waited for him.. at that time i thought of why i have to wait until so late at home alone.. to meet him.. because he has to book in at night, he will only come down yishun at night.. as it was me who wanted to borrow gp stuff from him, i have to accomodate him.. then i thought about how good it is to have a guy who will always stay by your side, someone who will listen to whatever you have to say without any complaints, someone you can tell everything to without having to worry about anything, someone who will give all he has to you for you to be happy, someone who can put everything aside when he sees that you're upset.. haha, it was during that time yesterday that i really understand why girls want to get attached.. why women long to have boyfriend/husband.. i guess i must be going crazy.. thinking about all those stuff.. in the end making myself even sadder.. when he reached, he saw my tears.. he asked me what happened.. he fanned me with the papers for me in hope of cooling me down.. i wiped away my tears, put on a forced smile and told him i'm ok.. he didn't ask more, he has to rush off if not he'll be late for book-in.. he sms-ed me a while after.. i lied to him i'm ok, nothing wrong, i asked him not to worry, i told him to take care if not later kana punishment by his sergeant.. haha.. i don't want him to worry.. i have no right to make him worry.. no right at all..

i then proceeded to board the bus alone back to hostel.. i think i'm starting to hate taking the bus 852 alone from home to hostel.. i always feel bad whenever i board the bus alone.. on the bus, i couldn't control my emotions.. thanks peihan, i'm feeling ok now le, after the vent-out yesterday. thanks for being there with your ear open, it was enough just being there, no words were needed. =) i guess i'll really have to learn to handle my emotions and control my thinking from now til the end of a's.. i have to agree i am getting out of hand which is bad.. despite all, i'll mug hard de.. this shall be the last entry until the end of my a's, jia you all j2s for pw and all j1s for pw~!

argh!!! i'm really starting to hate coming back home! i'm starting to like living alone on my own.. this is bad, i know this is bad.. i'll have to move back after my exams end de.. i'll have to face all the problems back home after my exams.. how i hope i can live in hostel forever.. oh man.. everytime i come back it'll be like that.. i cannot do anything at all, i'll have to do something that allows me to multi-task.. because i've to keep my ears wide open for what both my parents have to say.. i don't mean to be unfilial but both my parents are indeed too long-winded!!! initially i can still keep cool and listen to what they say, but after which, i just feel like taking something and knocking the air out of them so that their rumblings will stop!!! argh.. then my brothers arn't helping much either.. one keep pestering me to get his disc from david, then the other keeps taking away my phone.. argh.. i don't feel happy coming home le, in fact to be truthful, i regret coming home this time.. really regret.. my whole day is wasted and my mood is spoilt.. feeling real frustrated and irritating now.. argh!!! i hate this.. i hate.. hate.. hate.. but guess i can seek solace in the fact that i'll be going back hostel soon and before that i'll be meeting him!!! haha, just the thought of seeing him makes my mood much better~ :p

damn!!! i just lost the whole entry for this event!!! argh.. feel like smashing the computer la!!! okok, i shall keep my cool now.. *breathe deeply* i shall retype the whole thing again.. so irritating.. =(

yesterday i went to the esplanade to watch a concert with my mother. it was put up to sort of commemorate the death of Ms Theresa Tang aka Deng4 Li4 Jun1 xiao3 jie3.i enjoyed myself thoroughly during the concert, it was really a pleasure to listen to the nice songs sang by 2 singers who have voices almost identical to that of the deceased theresa tang. i was rather amazed at my ability to know most of the songs and sing along with the singer during the concert. i can still remember clearly that she died when i was in primary school and my best friend then, sim xin yu told me how her mother cried upon hearing the bad news from tv. i was not much affected by her death at that time, she is just a popular singer of my parents generation at that time to me. but now, after listening to her songs at the concert yesterday, i guess her songs accompany me through my childhood days subconsciously ba.. it was only during yesterday that i found out how the lyrics of her songs are all very nice.. full of imagery.. full of poetry.. it is really a heaven sitting down there listening to her songs and singing the very meaningful and beautiful words of her songs.. i'll go and buy a cd of her songs after my a's, her songs may be simple as compared to the songs now, her singing may be normal as compared to other famous singers now, but that is exactly why i'm so attracted by her songs ba.. the 2 singers sang so well and so much like theresa tang, there was this one singer who even looked almost the same as theresa tang on stage! there was also this very pro er4 hu2 player during the concert who looked very much like chen jin jing. when i see her playing on stage, i really regret my decision of giving up er4 hu2 after primary school.. not that i've never regret this decision before but the regret was especially strong yesterday when i watched her play. never mind, i'll go and learn after my a's? haha. all in all, the performance was great despite some things which upon criticism shall cause me bad karma so i won't say le. actually typed it in my earlier entry but it got lost so forget it..

wednesday was a day when my ba1 zi4 and that of the school is against one another. i was chased from one place to another from morning until afternoon, so pissed! and to think the school says that a-levels is important and that they will support us all the way? hahaha, so funny, what a blatant lie! pardon me if i sound too extreme, actually i don't care because i'm not doing a gp essay now. i was at B317 around 10.45am when this female teacher walked in and said vainly, we have a meeting in this room at 11am. indicating that we should all get lost from the room soon so that they can have the big important meeting in our dear lep room. oh puh-lease, the room is our lep room! it belongs to us lep people and we are trying to study for our other a-level subjects in the room! never mind, we got two lep rooms so we went to the other room disgruntling. then not long after, there's this irritating chinese male teacher who walked in and put his stuff on the table and say we're having a meeting here so leave(in chinese). i really hate this teacher, he forever thinks he is very great and have every right to use the lep room all the time even though he isn't a lep teacher. to hell with him, lohz. then we went to the reading room where there is a course going on so the reading room was really noisy. of course cannot study then i go class bench. after settling down, the stupid people started spraying those insecticide for mosquito! argh.. in the end have to seek solace in the not-so-fragrant fish tank.. by the way, i didn't go library because i was stupid enough not to wear full school uniform! diaognz.. haiz.. that day really feel so out of place and displaced.. that explains the irony in my nick.. hahaha..

i really really really hate it when i cannot fall asleep the day before a major examination!!! it is just so frustrating and irritating!!! in the end, you stress yourself up. what's more is that you are not getting stressed up over the paper tomorrow but you are getting stressed up over not being able to fall asleep!!! oh man, this is just so dumb. it happened to me during my preliminary examinations, and it happened to me again on the eve of my lep a-level paper! argh.. i was like trying all sorts of methods to make myself fall asleep. first, i tried out with all types of sleeping poses. from lying on my right side to lying on my left side, and then from lying face down to lying face up, from sleeping straight to sleeping curled-up. sleeping at the head of the bed cannot work, then proceed to sleeping at the middle of the bed. still no help then move on to sleep at the rear of the bed but it doesn't work! second, i tried out other methods, from listening to radio, to doing mild exercises on bed, to counting sheeps, to watching my breathing.. nothing worked!!! so i laid down on my bed from 11pm til 2am anxiously waiting for sleep to overcome me. in the end i got frustrated so woke up to study my kong3 que4 dong1 nan2 fei1 for 1/2 an hour then went back to sleep. this time i finally managed to fall asleep for 4 hours. i was so happy when i woke up at 6.30am the next day because i fell asleep! i just pray hard that it won't happen anymore for my other upcoming examinations..

hmmm.. i'm feeling real pissed now.. but i also feel rather happy because of the phone conversation with him and the concert i watched tonight.. argh.. i'm pissed at a lot of things now.. don't want to elaborate.. sometimes just feel real frustrated at being unable to control fully the scenario i'm in.. ahhh!!! feel the strong urge to kai1 sheng1 again.. haiz.. guess i'm just tired.. go slp le.. tmr go swimming and then meeting him at night!!! haha. :P

haha, i'm back~! after the torturous 6 hrs lep a-level paper!!! its over!!! oh my god, sometimes i still cannot believe that i'm really done with one of the five subjects for my a-levels! i feel rather ok, in fact good about my paper one; but for paper two i got a feeling i screwed it up.. haiz.. never mind, i think i did my best in doing the paper and i've mugged hard for it~! by the way, it is just so fast.. somemore i just have to effectively hold on for two more weeks and i'll be more or less free from a-levels!!! argh.. its so fast.. and yet its so exciting at the same time.. though i seriously think i wont be able to prepare fully and do well.. i am still looking forward to the examinations actually.. i must be sick right? er hurh, i also think so. =p

after lep paper.. weird to say.. but i feel a sense of loss.. maybe lep after two years has been much more to me than just an a-level subject ba, after all i'm going to pursue chinese in my university. also, because of lep, i got to know many great friends, great seniors and great juniors!! there're some great teachers also but i shan't list them down, xin1 zhao4 bu4 xuan1 ya? ;) all my lep stuff has been tidied and are now laying at a corner in my hostel room.. preparing for other subjects now.. feel very very very much like slacking!!! haha, but i'll mug hard de! later today have to accompany my parents to esplanade to watch a performance, or rather more like a concert (he2 ri4 jun1 zai4 lai3) my dad say i should relax a bit now that i finish conquering one of the subjects.. hmmm.. what can i say to reject? heez. everyone jia you! it'll be over real real real soon!!! =)))