i've decided, or more like my dad've decided and i chose to listen to him for e 1st time.. i won't take up e moe scholarship even if i'm offered one le.. i won't b a chi tchr straightaway when i've graduated from uni le.. i'll most probably work as a chi journalist at a company tt belongs to some relative of mine.. my dad says it beats being a chi tchr who doesn't earn much but have to slog like hell.. he doesn't approve of it whenever i spend extra time or money on my students, he finds me being very stupid and naive.. my dad is very practical.. i can understand from his point of view but he cannot from mine.. he cannot understand tt even thou i'm at a disadvantage a lot of times at sch being a relief tchr, i still enjoy myself thoroughly.. initially i was very defensive of my ambition in becoming a chi tchr straight after i finish my uni education.. but after a while.. after hearing from a lot of tchrs who are close to me.. i realise tt my stubborn-ness in my ambition may not be good for my future.. e tchrs ard me are advising me not to come into e education career, they were like advising me to go out and try other jobs 1st rather than diving head 1st into e teaching career. they told me that i cld go into teaching after working at other jobs as teaching as a career is for life. i shld go out experience other careers before coming into teaching for good and i cld just teach until i'm old andf frail. after careful consideration, i agree with what they say, i agree with what my dad say.. sometimes human cannot have e best of two worlds.. what u like is what u like, it may not be able to give u a bright future or allow u to support ur family comfortably.. i finally decide to give in.. i won't be tt stubborn in my pursue of ambition le.. i'll give in to e real life.. i'll be a chi journalist tt can have a better earning with not as much a workload as a full-time tchr for as long as my brothers take to become fully independent.. after which, i'll just quit and devote e rest of my life to e teaching career le.. just hope tt there'll be no more changes from now on? haha, i doubt so as e world is ever-changing.. but who cares? so long as i've planned e road to take i'll just follow and deal w e things tt come along e way one by one ba.. :)

argh.. i really hate it when i've to make major decisions that will affect my future.. my life.. now i've to choose btwn studying chinese in nus or ntu.. how i admire e aspiring chi tchrs to be in e past.. they onli have nus to go.. they dun nd to make e decision of choosing btwn e 2 local uni.. its decided for them.. so gd la.. now i've to decide for myself.. any wrong choices made and i'll regret it for e 4 yrs to come.. or even for my whole life.. argh.. really really really hate this!!! both local uni have their pros and cons..

lets talk about nus: nus is more prestigious.. it has been ard longer than ntu.. it has a better reputation due to its ranking and more recognised worldwide.. having a cert from nus will guarantee better choices in e future shld i decide to further my studies overseas.. nus also has more connections with other uni throughout e world so any exchange programmes will be better so-called.. nus is nearer my house also.. if i feel that i cant get 2nd class honours and above i can jus graduate after 3 yrs in uni.. nus has more famous and good lecturers as heard.. BUT.. nus's culture is very very very competitive as there're a lot a lot of foreign scholars.. e env is also not very nice(emotionally speaking) as i've heard frm snrs speaking from e bottom of their hearts.. i'm not allowed to only&immediately study chinese in uni but have to do other exposure modules as nus wants its students to be gd in more areas than one.. also e hostel there is much more expensive.. and i've heard rumours tt e standard at nus is dropping..

now lets talk about ntu: ntu thou not as prestigious but i've heard is starting to pick up.. i've heard tt e culture at ntu is veri similar to tt of hwa chong.. also tt e env there to study chinese is beta.. i'm allowed to immediately focus on jus studying chinese.. i've heard bout my snrs enjoying themselves in e ntu culture very much.. e student population there consists of more local students.. e students there get to study more often in a class system.. e bonding&attachment there will be stronger.. e hostel is less luxurious but cheaper.. there're more hwa chong snrs there.. BUT.. ntu's chinese was set up not long ago so have a risk of being guinea pig and suffering as a result.. ntu's cert not tt recognised.. which are 2 major cons as they'll affect my future career and studies opportunities..

haiz.. both uni have their pros and cons.. equally gd/bad.. i'm in a dilemma!!! haiz.. i duno which uni to go liao la.. haiz.. if i want a more fun&enjoyable uni days, i'll choose ntu.. but if i want to have a brighter future(so-called), i'll choose nus.. haiz.. i now still dunno la.. argh.. so irritating.. so confusing.. so troublesome.. somebody help me.. :(

i really hate all e hussle tt i nd to go thru after spending so much time&effort in gettin e a-lvl cert.. uni application.. scholarship application.. so much admin work.. so troublesome.. so confusing.. so irritating.. sometimes those things really make me feel like giving up further education opportunities and jus go into the working world straight.. i feel so lost.. haiz.. at e same time i seriously lack e motivation to go look up all e relevant info i nd to make my future course decision.. i'm really tired.. i jus hope to get all of these over and done soon!!! haiz.. after finally deciding on my course and uni, i still have to worry about backups just in case my application gets rejected given my higher chinese grades at a-lvl.. i really hate this.. i dowan any backups.. i dowan to study any other course except chinese.. why does it have to be so troublesome.. if my application gets rejected, i might as well go work instead of wasting money torturing myself w studying a subject i'm not interested in and end up wasting all e time n money in sch. but all e adults ard me were like telling me die die must go uni even if i'm not studying e subject i want.. its my life! why do i have to be affected and troubled by ppl ard me! why do i have to listen to them?! i really hate this.. despite all.. i still have to plan for backups.. so my backup will b either studying socialogy/social work in nus or chinese in ntu liaoz.. i'm sick of all these le.. may it be over soon...

haha, i watched huang cheng ytd w my anderson snr, e one tt i've been carrying a torch for 6 yrs plus plus. actually it doesn't feel very special la, jus had dinner tgt at food court before walking to vt to watch and then taking mrt home after e show lohz. haha, i guess was rather over-dressed as compared to him la. actually predicted his dress code liaoz but somehow i just ended up dressing rather differently but it doesn't matter la. was very touched tt he actually came to watch the performance as he wasn't a drama person e least so i explained a lot of things throughout the whole thing to him. he only came back from camp that very morning and was pretty shagged by e time e show is about to start. i felt quite guilty making him come and watch the show as he was really very tired and should be resting home instead.. haiz.. but he say it was alright and was a new experience for him. hope it really was so ba.. after e show left without looking for e jnrs as i wld be seeing them again tonight but xxx called me to ask where i was as e whole grp of them wanted to see him lohz. haha, of cos i escaped. :P pardon me la, i dun think its poss btwn e 2 of us so beta not show him off ard la. anw, i think it'll be qt awkward for him when all pass knowing glances at me with him standing ard lohz. but still, got qt a few of e jnrs caught me w him la, so those interested go and ask ard those who've seen him lohz. haha, to my anderson jnrs reading this, i still wont tell u all who he is de, go and guess ba. ;) anw, to all out there who are still students, enjoy ur march hols~!!! have fun!!! :) take care too~ :D

i've failed as a teacher.. i've failed terribly.. i'm such a lousy teacher.. i really hate myself for this.. my students dun hand up work puntually.. they take my warnings as joke.. they dun appreciate all that i've done.. they dun bring even when i spend time calling them one by one! one class like that, two class like that.. now i found out that even my angelic class also got ppl nvr hand up! haha.. haha.. hahaha!!! i'm such a bad and lousy and sucky teacher.. i've failed my duty terribly! its all my fault.. my fault.. my fault.. i want to kai1 sheng1!!! march hols.. i need u badly.. i want to cry aloud.. hahahaha... hahaha.. haha..

haha, i spent my last weekend very fruitfully! for those who watched the news on saturday night or those who went town last weekend, i guess you all would have heard of the Kids Central Big in the City show at ngee ann city civic plaza right? haha, i was one of the hamtaros wo~!!! i was howdy!!! e one with e smallest eye de, heez. thinking back, i'm starting to miss e times when i was inside e hamtaro liaoz, sad sad. it was so fun to see small kids waving excitedly at u!!! e smile on their face and e light in their eyes!!! haha, and for once, i can be called cute matter-of-factly loh. hahaha, i really like all e ppl i meet during e mascot jobs, they're all so nice ppl and nice new friends too~!!! haha, e times we share at e backstage behaving like mad man/woman are times i'll nvr forget! haha, although i lost quite a fair share of sweat ( it was hard-earned money man) & feel like fainting in e mascot at times, it was all in all fun!!! haha, i took lots of pictures with my own mascot as well as e jimmy neutron and crazy frog mascot!!! hahaha, so much fun! e only awkward times are when i have to change backstage and there is absolutely no changing room watsoeva. during those times i'm thankful for all my past trainings of quick changing at huang cheng lah, haha. otherwise, i enjoyed myself, din think of my a-level results at all. jus hope i'll get another mascot assignment soon!!! :P

haha.. now looking back at my previous entry, i sound too optimistic to be true.. i guess so.. cos its only ytd and tdy that i realise i wasn't really that cheerful and wasn't really that ready to accept my results, that is e C for my higher chinese. i finally cried today, finally mourned for the death of my best subject's grade.. e irony of life is just too great sometimes.. haha.. why e sudden change of feeling.. y e sudden down-ness.. cos i went to visit a relative ytd who told me my results shld have proven to me tt i'm not tt gd in chinese so shld think of pursuing other courses in my uni days instead of sticking deadly to chinese studies.. he said i shld concentrate on e 3Bs instead of giving them up for a C subject.. i was so so so hurt when he said tt.. and my dad supports his thinking and also tried to get me to change my mind with regards to studying chinese in uni.. no one can understand how i feel for chinese.. it is not just a subject to me, it is practically my life! if i din take chinese in jc, i wld have been in IMH already! lep and chi soc was like e medicine i take everytime i did badly in other subjects or i wasn't feeling ok.. chinese meant so so so much to me, if not for chinese, i wld have dropped out of jc.. it has been my sole pillar of support in my jc days.. no one can understand.. i wld rather get Cs for all my other subjects if i get A for my higher chinese, it wld have felt beta than what i'm feeling now! i'm just feeling real horrible.. need to vent it out.. guess i'll take a while to feel beta after this.. ppl need time to get over e death of sth, i'm not an exception...

to all out there who're getting worried about my results, fret not, i've passed with relatively good results and can move on to study university at ease. except that my supposedly strongest subject got e worst grade on my result slip, higher chinese C, which was a rather unpleasant surprise for me i can only say. but, i'm not daunted, i'll cont to apply to study chinese in my university days/courses. as for my career in future, i'm now keeping my options open. though teaching still interest me e most, i dowan to restrict my own career options for fear i regret in e future ba. also in hwa chong, i can be counted as the minority who din do as well as e rest of e sch. seeing so many friends with at least one A on their result slip of course doesnt make me feel good, in fact i feel so horrible and lousy. but i've to think from another perspective, i'm already much better than a lot of other ppl, so i shld be happy! haha, and i will be happy! cos everyone wants me to be and i'll be watching a show with him soon!!! hahaha, guess e results will just be a small part of my life as i proceed to embark on a new journey of my life. ;) to all out there who has done well, congrats. to those who hasn't, it is not e end of e world, cheer up! :) take care everyone!