suddenly thought of this question.. because of incidents that happened in e past week.. do ppl laugh only because they're happy? or rather, is happiness only expressed in laughter? ok, for me, i feel that is not e case ba. i laugh when i feel so so so angry and frustrated.. i laugh when i feel so so so helpless and stupid.. i laugh when i duno how i shld deal w a scenario.. i can also laugh for no reason..
1st scenario~ one fine morning i decided to finally face e music and look at my student's work. to my horror a lot of students from one class nvr hand up and they cldn't even b bothered to tell me or look for me to give an explanation! i was so so so so so pissed, thus i have no other choice but to go back to sch on tt day so as to call them up one by one to plead w them to pass up their seriously overdued work to me so tt i can leave my job in peace. actually i can only have myself to blame la, sometimes feel that i'm too good to students, too understanding to them, forgiving them again and again in e hope that they'll be beta. FAT HOPE! i can say i really regret being e way i was w them, in e end suffer on my own while they dun even care! i was really pissed lohz, i stomped my way from home all e way to sch! really fuming liaoz, feel lk grabbing one of those stupid idiotic students and beating e life out of them or slapping them until their face becomes distorted! i've nvr felt so angry and pissed before la, can feel my whole body heating up! den when i reach sch, it so happens tt e class got lessons on tt day so i can hav face-to-face confrontation w those student! i really really feel lk screamin into their face lk a madwoman at tt time! really really feel lk doing tt. but instead of doing tt, i laughed and laughed, smiled and smiled. why? because i cant! i cldn't bring myself to scold them lk hell! one of my student even said, "tchr, thot u say u angry y still smile de?" argh...!!! i was so so so so so angry w myself tt when i left them, i punched hard at a wall three times and slapped hard at e railing another three times until my whole hand turn red. argh... argh.. argh. i laughed, because there's no other alternative for me other than laughin about it. I AM PATHETIC.
2nd scenario~ I was talking about politics in e adult world with some friends.. I was reminded of e ugly incident tt happened to me when i jus entered e working world.. it has left a real deep impact on me.. it has made me grown up so much.. seen so clearly how e world out there actually is.. shall blog bout it in detail l8r. btw, we were talking bout it and describing it as ppl stabbing you behind ur back and stepping on ur foot, literally also. they were saying how some ppl not jus stab u once but stab again and again, maybe even stab liaoz turn one whole round in e wound even.. haha.. they even said there is nth they can do other than standing there and being stabbed den try and let e wound heal. but not after long e person comes along again and happily gives u a few stabs once more.. it was even said tt we are lk ikan belis and those ppl are lk sharks, they can swallow us and we'll be totally gone~! no bones or eyes left behind even.. haha.. it was funny e way we talked bout it.. but behind e laughter? e pain.. e heart-throbbing pain.. behind this cruel truth of living and surviving in e real world.. it is too close to e heart.. too real.. too much to bear.. there's again no other alternative but to make fun of it and laugh at it, laugh at ourselves.. hahaha.. i laugh.. yes.. because I AM PATHETIC.. once again.. hahaha..
8:37 PM
Yours Truly
A little girl
learning to live in a big big world
and trying not to give up things she believes in despite everything
