During Arts Vital'07, I made use of the free health check and found out that I am overweight by 10kg!!! oh man, plus the fat content in my body is much higher than usual also... haiz, i've been troubled by all these figures and facts staring back at me since after the health check. earlier on was busy and tired because of exams but starting from today onwards, i'm going to have strict discipline so that i can shed off the excess fats! to go jogging for an hour everyday, no more tidbits, no more fried food, no more fast food, no more unhealthy and fattening stuff anymore!!! haiz.. it'll be really hard because i simply love to eat!!! i guess i'll have to really keep a close watch on myself already. can't afford to grow old with all the fat on me, it'll be so unhealthy! another thing is i can't stand it whenever i couldn't fit into clothes i like or they look ugly on me because i'm fat! sianz. shall work towards this goal! i will succeed! 加油，馨玉！

despite being in the midst of exams and having a rather unprepared paper the very next day afternoon, i still went for bao chuan's 21st bdae party at one of the home team chalets in bukit batok. i have to say even though i feel very cui for today's paper, i did not regret my choice for going at all. this is because i had the most fun and laughter i can ever imagine in one night! almost the whole foodhunt o-comm people was there and we were like the most AA group of people there being there laughing loudly and madly for the whole night.

haha, i guess it must be the exam stress as all of us really not behaving the way we normally do. haha, but it was fun nevertheless. we can be so bo liao as to stir shit between 2 innocent party who just happen to meet at the gate after which do not know how to proceed from there aka me and bingde. can say things like me on the bus and bigde on the taxi then we see each other and wave and then alight. -_-" cold right? laughed like mad over that, of cos me n bingde cont stir our own shit for e fun of it la. hahaha. then when taking photos we also go bersek la, they one whole group and one unknowing person (1st bingde den baochuan) after 1-2-3 all squat down and see what the unknowing person will do. hahaha, it was so funny!!! bingde instinctively squatted down but baochuan just stood there looking super stunned lah! oh my god, we laugh until can die! i was lucky to be a photographer so wasn't made a white mice. but they also dragged me in and ask why i never squat down. haha, i was stunned and then was laughing like mad after that lah. hahaha, hand shaking so badly sia!

throughout the night, all of us who had cameras also crazy about taking every single thing that happen loh, like a piece of cake falling on titus' shoes then everyone started taking photos of it. then after that we got our hands on the party sprayer and we started a war there and then la! hahaha, it was real funny as the girls shrieked and ran around to avoid the thing. i got quite a few videos on that too!!! hahaha, it was super hilarious as all of us just let loose of ourself and had fun ba. haha, there was even once when we conspired and made baochuan the victim of the spray!!! hahaha, it was super funny and exciting! haha, we really laugh and laugh and laugh so much i think all of us at least once choked on saliva or felt breathless or had stomach muscle ache loh! hahaha, fun fun fun!!! foodhunt o-comm, we shall have more fun after exams during our k-ing session!!! hahahaha!

somewhere during the party, the girls started talking about how they going to celebrate their 21st bdae party etc. i mean 21 is a significant age la, it is the age whereby u become liable for ur own actions and no longer ur parents who are. it is the age whereby u're officially an adult in spore's context. but somehow, i just cant seem to convince myself to organise a 21st bdae party for myself. i absolutely wont mind doing it for my friends but i wont want one myself. just dont see the need to ba, i'm satisfied with bdae sms-es throughout the whole day that can keep me smiling for the whole day can alr. even if no presents i also will be super happy! no bdae cakes also nvm de. haha, maybe just spending the day with one/a few close friends/the person i like will be the best thing that can happen to me. if not, quiet bdaes are always greatly appreciated. haha, this is just me la. however, i'll still go for all e 21st bdae parties which i'm invited to! ;)

oh man, just feel like blogging about it as i myself find it rather unbelievable also. this is the 1st time since i've had exams that i went to the exam hall not finished studying not because i didn't plan my revision time well but because i didn't know or rather i thought it wasn't going to be tested! after going in and looking it the papers i just cui, around 10% gone just like that. i am surprisingly ok about it, don't know why also, must be brain still in a state of shock and haven't recover over it as yet, or must be give up already. :P haha, shall not let history repeat itself for my next 3 papers~ blur xin yu at work once again. haha.

haha, today is a happy day!!! a lot of good things happen to me today!!! haha, actually not a lot but just a few that really matters a lot to me is enough to make my day, and even my week!!! haha, it has been a long time i feel so light at heart and so happy in my mind because things work out between me and people that matters a lot to me at heart! hahaha, thanks mei ling!!! it feels good knowing that you'll be with me no matter what happens. our friendship is something i will really treasure and will protect it with my own life de! hahaha. ^-^ xin yu is happy! peegoo is smiling! the world is a beautiful place! hahaha. (:

Really dislike the feeling of being poor... Being the eldest in the family, I have to share the responsibility of supporting the family. I have no choice, I will have to work and earn as much money as possible during the long break already... At least earn enough to support all my expenses so that the burden wouldn't be so heavy on my family... I shall start to go on budget...

this sem is really very confusing.. my mind keeps thinking about a lot of stuff which i shouldnt be as i'm supposed to conc and study for exams.. but i cant help and i don't think it's helping me... just one more thing i feel like saying today. memories are beautiful and should be left as a thing in the past. wanting things back to the same as remembered is impossible and only make yourself feel terrible.. what's past is past, one can never live in the past forever.

hahaha, i am feeling a bit on the high side now because of a mascot show that i did today!!! yea man, it has been a really really long time since the last time i did mascot as hamtaro in town. this time round, it was a show on relationships (friendships, kinships etc) in Pandan Pri Sch. there were 3 mascots in this show supposedly from a group named Bubbles and they are Bravo the lion, Stripes the tiger and Jelly Elly the elephant!

as per usual, we had rehearsals earlier on to practice the dance steps and also mark our places on the stage for the actual performances. it was quite different this time round because all my previous mascot experiences did not require me to really follow cues or interact with the audience a lot. lk for the rudolf reindeer and elf during x'mas, it was just walking around and waving only. then for the hamtaro, it was jus moving in and out and dancing to song so did not really require much attention and brain power i would say. but tis time round, i have to keep very alert so that i dun miss my turn to step out and "say" things, plus also need to magnify my movements if not the kids cant see the mascot moving at all. for e whole time i was inside e mascot, i was sweating continuously!!! it was really uncomfortable and it doesn't help tt i forgot to bring hair clip to clip my hair. brought hair band but it so happens tt e head of e mascot will press e hair band hard on my head which hurts so end up have face all over my face and i cant readjust myself either. however, when i went onstages and saw all the little pri sch kids seating down with excited faces, i just totally forgot all about my discomfort. (: although i forgot some dance steps and reaction was lagging, i was satisfied with my performance as it was the first time i did such a mascot show. hahaha.

i love being in a mascot because i can then really let go of myself and do things that i never thought i can do if i was without the mascot. i also love it as i can make kids smile when i wave to them or do high-five to them. it gives me a great sense of satisfaction, haha, maybe because i simple adore kids ba. ;) thinking back about the show, talking about friendships and stuff, some thoughts just flooded my mind. friendships in the past when we were young used to be so simple, frank and straight forward. if i like you, you're my friend; if i dun like you, we dun be friend. but as we grow up, things get complicated. you can be friendly to a person but that doesnt mean that he/she is a friend. it does sound quite sad isn't it?

also when i saw the kids playing hop-scotch during their break, i felt nostalgic. i really hope that i can go back to those days when life is simple, school is fun, when my family is still perfect.. when i can still have grandparents endowing me with love, care and concern... just feeling a bit sad that so much has happened.. that not all change were exactly happy.. but life goes on. okie dokie, time to hit the books again~! everyone jia you kaes? lastly, chia hong, happy birthday to u~! ^-^

being over-reliant on someone isn't good at all.. it makes you vulnerable.. your mood and emotions will be easily swayed by small words and actions of that person and the worst thing is that the person may not know and may not care.. i feel very very very vulnerable these few days.. like a part of me has disappeared... i hate this feeling.. i hate being vulnerable.. i've tried to reach out but what i faced was just cold walls. no response. nothing. i'm not one who talks about how i feel. i'm sorry. i will try and change your status in my heart as keeping the current status now is making me very miserable and tired.. do u even hav any idea?

Sometimes i just feel so so so lonely, so alone, with no one to bare my soul to. i think it is just me, i tend to close myself to people. i take a long time before i am comfortable with sharing all my thoughts and emotions with someone. i found a person, and now i think i've lost the person. head and eyes hurting and throbbing like mad... 跟你认识越深的人，伤害你越深。i now can fully understand the meaning of this sentence. never mind, it's ok, i shall be strong. even with no one close, i can still survive. i don't matter, what should matter is all the people around me. please don't let anything happen to you all, please be happy, if not i'll feel even sadder and hopeless. i'll do whatever i can to welfare you all ok? ^-^

this is the 1st time in a long time when i feel so screwed up during a test... i know there're going to be people telling me i shouldn't complain or that things will turn out ok in the end. but those things have nothing to do with me feeling screwed up about a test right? i just need to complain, i've been holding it back all the way since after the test until now... this is the first time i feel so lost during a test, so confused and unsure... in the end i just gave up and submit the paper because i know for myself that looking any longer at the paper wont help much as i really don't know the answers to the questions. i felt a very strong urge to cry on the bus back from science to arts, i felt so lousy. why didn't i study more for the test? i know there's no use crying over spilt milk... i think i won't also le... i just hope that i don't fail this module if not i'm going to blame and hate myself a hell lot... shall not allow this to happen for my final exams. never again.

everything that has been a major part of my life will be ending soon... time really flies... i don't want things to end, don't want things to change but i guess it's inevitable because the only constant is change. shall treasure every single moment with every single one of them & grab every single opportunity to shower them with welfare!!! i really really really don't want to have any regrets...

even thou quite a lot of things happened yesterday, i shall do some form of self censorship & just blog about e reali happy & memorable ones!!! haha, if not ah, my blog entry will be long until the whole webpage also not enough. :P

yesterday was a public holiday, the good friday. before that we had OM e prev night so a lot of us stayed over in e clubroom as per usual. i'd wanted to stay up & do my chi essay but i guess fatigue overcame me and i went to slp instead. the day started with my ever 1st admin team meeting!!! haha, for e 1st time in my life as a dpd admin, i've the healthy attendance of 7 out of 9 comm members present for e meeting! a great start for a public hol! haha, so we discussed quite a few issues about rag and even came up with a new initiative to publicise rag which i feel will def be a hit if we do it well. it will also def b able to raise awareness in nus arts students about arts rag de!!! wooohoooo! i love my admin team!!! kudos to shu ping, kit geok, serene, yuen kim, mei ling and jackson who took time out of their hol to come all e way to sch to listen to me talk. :P hahaha. ^-^

after the meeting, a whole lot of us (lionel, jasmine, michelle, jackson, jeremy, joshua, kenneth and me) decided to go eat at the carnivore!!! haha, it is a buffet whereby u eat lots and lots of all kinds of meat plus some veggie. e meat are being served right at ur table and they are super duper delicious!!! oh man, i felt tt i was in heaven for more times den one throughout the duration at e restaurant la! the meat got roasted pork, roasted beef, roasted chicken, roasted sausage, roasted ham and roasted fish!!! oh my goodness gracious, for e 1st time in my life did i realise that meat can be so delicious and tender!!! we spent i think one whole hour there eating to our fill and enjoying each other's company. but i got bullied loh! cos i was seated such that i was being surrounded by guys, kenneth, joshua and jackson. then they are really carnivores la! eat e beef lk duno wat den somemore e beef still got blood! i know cannot fully cooked so got blood but i jus could not stomach eating something w tt lot of blood. den kenneth happily ka chiao me about tt, keep saying all e blood and stuff la. i dun even dare to look at their plates can? gross leh. so end up a lot of times i scared they make me so held up my plate and eat holding it. haha, but i must say we had fun! and jackson's classic quote of the day:" my stomach is full alr but my mouth still have space." all of us laughed until cannot make it after jackson said that. ;)

den we went to walk ard, the guys (jianwu ah pek joined us frm here) gg arcade and e gals gg forever 21. even thou i'm a gal, i dun lk to shop for clothes. maybe cos i duno how to as yet, it takes time and experience to learn ok? thus i sian diao in e middle and left to go find e guys at e arcade. haha, watching them play some of the games is really highly entertaining. ;) after a while when they finished their tokens, we went to meet up w e gals at ben & jerry's to eat dessert! haha, on e way, as u all know on e very top of vivocity got pools of water for kids to play in? haha, i could not resist e temptation so took off my slippers and went in for a while! hahaha, it was cooling and fun! haha, but end up being suan-ed by e guys for haven grown up. diaognz. lohs. back to dessert, we had ice-cream!!! so so so nice!!! hahaha, we also took a lot of photos, got classic ones somemore. haha, to know what are e classics, ask jasmine for her camera and i guarantee u'll laugh lk mad. haha, after e whole thing, planned on watching movie (after such a long time!) with jackson and kenneth but tix sold out so went back sch w kenneth. all in all, i had a tremendous day in a long time!!! may we have more such outings ya? thx to lionel & jasmine!

sometimes some people upon knowing them too long, you start to see the side of them which is not as nice as they usually potray themselves to be... it is quite scary and disheartening... how some people can feel that the world revolves only around them, how they will expect things out of people the way they wanted it just because they want it... when beautiful pictures are being torn away, what's being exposed is the ugly side... can i take it? i figured i can. but, it just hurts to see people turning ugly on you... and it just makes you wonder, can people be nice to you for long for good without any ulterior motive? i duno... have no idea at all... but i'm ok cos i know there're people who'll be nice to me no matter what. they're the ones that keep me going! (: