这个周末，我要把世界所有美好的事情印在脑海里，把所有我在乎的人的面貌深深记起。

不怕一万，只怕万一。

哑口无言, 那是因为心中的澎湃和思潮的起伏已经无法用言语来形容了。

当心和手一样冰冷时，需要的也只不过是温暖和可靠的心和手。

Really love this song, especially the lyrics. Always never failed to be touched and motivated whenever I hear Mariah Carey singing this song. ^-^

为什么心中的沉重越来越难减轻? 为什么脑海中的影像越来越灰暗? 为什么眼里的光芒越来越暗淡? 为什么口中的笑声越来越小声? 为什么世界都变成只是黑白两色? 为什么以前的自己已经找不回来? 我是谁, 谁又是我? 我已经有点搞不清楚了。

Only when you are in the exact same position as someone then can you really and truly understand why a person did things in a particular manner or why a person did certain things. Recently I have come to realise this point. And I have come to really respect a senior whom I used to dislike. I really respect the way he managed to last despite all the circumstances and all the different people plus different points of views or opinions which he has to dealth with. 所谓：公说公有理，婆说婆有理。是非对错，又有谁能来判断？

People tend to make judgements, sometimes too fast too hurried. Doesnt help if they are opinion leaders, as things can be made worse easily with the slip of a tongue. Seriously, the mouth is a double-edged sword. I think suddenly I am overwhelmed with the way this society works even though I have already seen for myself. It just takes more than time to adapt and handle. Living is about growing up and maturing, I am doing so now.

Fell sick. Feeling tired all the time. Doesnt help much when you fell down the stairs somemore. Suddenly everything becomes too much to handle. A lot of times, I should not be doing some things but I am doing so at the expense of my rest and studies. I know this is really stupid of me, but sometimes I just cannot bear to let go and see things left undone or unchanged. I am hating myself because of this. Hating myself for not being able to manage time for effectively. Hating myself for not taking care of myself enough. Hating myself for making so many decisions which I am living to feel its repercussions. Hating myself for not being able to speak up more. Hating myself for not being able to be a good leader and motivator. Hating myself for feeling so tired that even smile becomes hard. Hating myself for not being able to make people choose another way instead of taking the easy way out. I feel very helpless a lot of times, so much that I want to escape. I need a break, I seriously do, I need the mid-sem break to come asap.

Sometimes, things can be done easily, haphazardly and last-minute-ly. This may be the easy way out but it is definitely not the only way out and there will be consequences to bear! A lot of times, we really need to have the bigger picture in mind. Instead of keep on going back to the same few people for the same few things, why not just make a little more effort in getting new people? Is it really that hard? Taxing the same few people during the term projects and FOP period we shall have a taste of our own medicine. Have been keeping this in my heart for a very long time. But recently seeing so many things happening, I really cannot take it anymore. Are Year 1s having more academic responsibilities and stress than Year 2s? I do not think so. Are Year 1s all more busier than Year 2s? I do not think so either. Sometimes, people help because they are being asked upon. And when they agree people keep going back to them. Seriously, I am sick and tired of seeing the same thing happen again and again. I feel like shouting it out but I guess the only place where I can do so is here. I cannot come across as too naggy. Hahaha. Feeling so much better now after saying it out. ^-^

Haha, just when I thought all the birthday fervour is over, I got a pleasant surprise today! Haha, after Arts Camp Ocomm meeting today, I was going about rushing all the things to be used for booth duty the next day. As I was walking up the stairs to go library with Samantha, I got a shock on the 3rd storey as Mei Ling, Evelyn and Guan Jie came out from behind a pillar with a birthday cake. Haha, I am super loser can, I stood aside immediately thinking that the cake and everything is for Samantha. It took me 5 whole seconds before I realise that it is all for me! Haha, really a surprise man. Took me totally unprepared!!! :P

Thank you Mei Ling, Evelyn, Guan Jie and Samantha! The surprise is really nice! The cake is really delicious! The whole thing though small but super heart-warming too!!! Hahaha. Thank you Mei Ling for the very nice pouch which I confirm plus chop will wear de! Thank you Samantha for the very pretty earrings and necklace which I will definitely wear to school too!!! Haha, oh man, really thank you so much. Xin Yu feels super super super super super loved! Love is all around! Love is in the air! Hahaha. ^-^

Woohoo! Exciting blog post entry coming up! I thinka lot of things happened this weekend which stirred up a lot of thoughts and emotions for me.

Saturday was meeting after meeting until late afternoon. Feeling really pretty cui as my throat and body is still quite cui. Sianz. Was very tempted not to go for the St. John CNY gathering as I was in school until pretty late with a lot of things on my mind to complete and Bugis is a bit far from school which adds on to my inertia. But feel really bad as I promised them to be there long ago and I really want to see my students and juniors. So in the end I went and oh man how glad I was that I did, if not I think I will really regret for life.

Initially what I had in mind was just a few tables of us having a mini gathering but it turned out much more than that. We practically occupy the whole restaurant with 8 tables of St. John people gathered together!!! 8 tables with 1 generation at each table, our batch being the 1st batch as the organisers were my fellow cca mates. I was late and when I reach, the scene just rooted me to the ground, haha, I do not know how to react also. Oh man, it was really great to meet up with my dear juniors again!!! How I miss them so!!! It was also a good chance for me to get back their numbers that were lost earlier.

Seeing those in lower secondary made me feel super duper old!!! It was 8 years ago when I was in Sec 1 and 4 years ago when I graduate from secondary school!!! It was there and then when I felt the impact of hitting my 21st birthday. And also really felt deep deep the speed at which time flies!!! Thanks a million to Jian Hong and Kok Jian for taking the initiative to organise such an outing, I was super impressed and happy that it turned out all well and successful! I really had the time of my life. Thank you for inviting me! (:

The next day was meant to celebrate my birthday but really not feeling well then slept longer than I should, things happened and I did not really celebrate my 21st with my family. I will not call it a celebration as people were not there and the mood was wrong. I lighted the candle, blew it out and cut the cake by myself. At least the cake was delicious and yummy! Haha, chocolate cake super super super nice! Home made by mummy's friend's husband. Sinful but do not care liao, ate 2 big slices somemore! :P

At night was Chee Wai, a primary school friend's 21st birthday celebration. Once again got high inertia as it is all the way at Aloha Loyang. And I am going back to school after the celebration so it is a trans-island transportation once again. But said going with a friend and bought something for him already so just go in the end. Haha, it was a nice catching up session even though feel pretty out of place most of the time. Left before he cut the cake as I need to chiong the shuttle bus and then take MRT all the way. Do not want to wait til the last shuttle bus as it will be too late by then. Keep sending & replying sms, making & answering calls during the short duration there as there are a lot of things to be settled for the coming week. Took a polaroid picture with him before I left, very cute! Haha, go back school try do as much as I can then cannot take it concussed for the sake of my coming week's consciousness. :P Fulfilling and well-rested weekend I can say, but at the expense of? Haha. Do not want to think so much already.

Once again, I am supposed to be doing so many other things but my birthday must be given priority no matter what!!! I must blog down my 21st so that I can look back and have sweet memories to ponder upon. :P


First and foremost, must thank every single person who remembered and wished me happy birthday either on that day or day(s) later!!! Haha, Xin Yu has never felt so happy, honoured, loved and touched ever in her whole life! I am serious! I never know so many people will actually bother to remember. Haha, maybe also because it is the 21st ba. :P Nevertheless, Xin Yu feels a lot of love for the 1st time in her life!!! ^-^


Those who used MSN: Kynneth, Chia Yee, Bernard, Wee Kuan, Camy and Gim Yean!!!

Those who used SMS: Adeline, Jeremy, Michelle Low, Jingyi, Li Jie, Jaspar, Lin Jieying, Xavier, Zhe Han, Hailing, Kok Hong, Kah Kah, Chuan Seng, Wei Lun, Wei Cong, Kheng Wee, Yun Li, Zhaoyang, Mei Ling, Ernest, Ethel, Xiao Hui, Yuan Yi, Samantha Chua, Xiu Fang, Titus, Siok Yee, Chao Hsiang, Shu Ping, Chia Yee, Yunling, Si En, Min Joo, Sarizan, Ning Fei, Tien Kwan, Xue Ying, Liting, my 2 brothers and my students (Jing Yi, Yun Ling, Meng Ling & Yi Xuan!)!!!

People who called: Daddy & Mummy!!! :)))

Those who told me Face to Face: Min Joo, Serene, Applie, Evelyn, Michelle, Carol, Cherie, Cindy, Kai Wei, Bing De & 28th MC!!!

Those who used Facebook: Esmond, Xianwei, Kai Wei, Wanjun, Mavis, Hoi Fai, Esther, Janicia, Vincent, Li Ji, Yuen Mei, Jiemin, Jasmine Ling, Pei Joo & Bernice!

Lastly belated but nevertheless greatly appreciated ones: Jingyi, Jing Jun, Boon Han, Juliana, Suat Hoon, Xiaole, Nana, Sandra, Lionel, Jian Kai, Koh Ni, Chee Wai, Linah, Amy & Jessica!


Also must thank you those who made a hole in their pocket by buying me presents!!! I did not expect any presents at all thus I am very very very happy to have a plastic bag with my birthday presents!!! hehehe. :P A very substantial amount (how will I finish spending?!) of Takashimaya shopping vouchers from Samuel, Hwee Guang, May, Desmond, Shu Ping, Kenneth, Serene, Pearl, Applie, Xiao Yan, Guan Jie, Cherie, Zhimin, Jeremy, Joan, Jack, Sandra, Xiuwen, Caleb Lim, YingLing, Min Joo, Eugene, Naga, Samantha, Joshua, Xiao Hui & Doris, Pachelbel's Greatest Hit- The Ultimate Canon CD (I am so going to play it in the clubroom!) from Michelle, small handbag (very chio & classy!) from Cindy and Kai Wei, bookmark (make me guilty!) from Tian Hao, small bag of tidbits (so so so sweet of you!) from Xiu Fang, glass bottle and small bag (wheee~!) from the 28th and something from Mei Ling which I have not taken from her yet!


I have the 28th to celebrate my birthday for me during break from OM, the cheese cake is very delicious!!! YUMMY! Haha, other than that, nothing special happened on my birthday as I have lessons and then rush off to Marine Parade to meet sponsors already (maybe except that I fell sick ba). There is a small regret for birthday this year though, he forgot about it. He used to be the last one to sms me for the past few years, but this year I waited in vain. It is ok, maybe I should let go le ba. (:


My 21st has been very very very memorable and sweet and beyond words to describe. Thanks to every single one of my friends who made it as such for me, I will not complain if I suddenly leave the world now as I have been proved that I did not live my past 21 years in vain. ^-^

I know that I am supposed to be doing a lot of other things right now, everything except blogging. Haha, but I do not care! I shall sleep less or not sleep but I must blog about the celebration organised for me yesterday (strictly saying :P)!!! Haha, I think I am still feeling quite high after the whole thing ended. Feeling super duper happy, super duper touched and super duper loved!!! Hahahaha. ^-^

Special thanks to Shu Ping and Pearl for making it possible! 2 women comm, is zai de loh! ;) Thanks and sorry to Joshua for allowing me to have some form of mental preparation for it. Also thanks to every single one of you who were there to make it an once-in-a-lifetime memorable celebration for me! Thanks Serene! Thanks Bing De! Thanks Zhimin! Thanks Tien Kwan! Thanks Camy! Thanks Jeremy! Thanks Kai Wei! Thanks Xiu Wen! Thanks Cherie! Thanks Sandra! Thanks Min Joo! Thanks Michelle! Thanks Xiao Hui! Thanks Evelyn! Thanks Kenneth! Thanks Xiao Yan! Thanks Applie! Thanks Joan! Thanks Zheng Chuan! Thanks May! Thanks Samuel! Thanks Hwee Guang! Thanks Hui Ying! Thanks Desmond! Thanks Eugene! Not forgetting Naga who sacrificed his rag costume for the table. :P

It was purely by accident that I chanced upon the email with subject reading "Xinyu's 21st party". I could not help smiling the whole day when I found out. Then comes the part on how to act ignorant and dress up nicely but yet not arouse suspicion. Really appreciate the thought and do not want to spoil it by exposing before the whole thing. As there was nothing suspicious going on before the celebration before I went for lecture, I was quite worried during my lecture that it has been called off for some reason or another, seriously. :P All the way until I step into the clubroom lah! Haha, so it was still a surprise for me to see so so so many of you inside the room waiting for me!!! I was the center of attention literally, super nervous can, people all along has stage fright de leh. I made 1 birthday wish at 1st not for myself. Then as if Camy was able to read my mind, she said that I have to make 3 birthday wishes and the last one must be for myself. Thus I obediently did so in the end, haha. I think I was either too nervous or too excited as my hand keeps shaking while cutting the cake.

Then came all the photo-taking where I felt like a grandma celebrating her 70th birthday with all her children and grandchildren surrounding her. I was sweating like mad as the air-con seemed to stop working. Can see it from the gleams in the photos taken loh, quite ugly eh. Bleah. After that is all the eating and poking! Haha, really really really enjoy myself a lot. As I sat there eating the cake and stuff, I was watching the people who have gathered in the Arts Club Meeting Room on a Tuesday evening just so to help me celebrate my 21st. Seeing their smiles and hearing their laughters made me feel even much happier than I actually am. Feel really blessed and loved to be surrounded by wonderful friends!!! Yea man, Xin Yu is a super duper happy girl, shall open presents on Friday~! ;)

Somehow or rather, feel that this year the festive mood as compared to past years' just lesser and not so intense. I do not know why is this so or am I just imagining things. But nevertheless, going around house-visiting and catching up with relatives was definitely enriching even though there were times when I just zoned out. :P

Started my CNY preparations a day before chinese new year eve with 3 hours of fast-track shopping at far east alone as I need to get all the necessary clothes, shoes and accessories if not really cannot go around get ang bao liao. :P Saw Kai Wei there! Haha, it was definitely a pleasant surprise and added more colour to my otherwise rather boring shopping adventure.

Then there was the Chinatown visit at night with Mei Ling, Jing Jun and Jingyi. Haha, we must go there again next year ok? Haha, it was such a great and fun time going around scouting for the best bargain for the new year goodies. We also laughed our hearts out hearing the way the store owners talk, trying to captivate the consumer's attention such that they patronise their stall. Super funny! They rap and they crap, go next year and have a hear of how it is like. It is really funny!!! Muah chee (be it japanese or taiwanese) rocks my socks!!! I was the biggest buyer for the night man. ;)

Chinese New Year Eve went back to my alma mater Anderson Secondary School! Haha, this year I did not oversleep and managed to catch the whole concert which is impressive I must say. The wushu performance and all the different dance performances made my heart swell with pride as I called myself an ex-Andersonian. I also managed to catch my students this time round! Oh man, time really flies as they are all now in Sec.3!!! Haha, the change is especially evident in the guys who have switched from short pants to long pants. And how all of them have grown, some of them are even taller than me already! Thankfully I wore heels then did not feel overpowered by them. Seeing them in school made me miss my teaching days so much. Even though it was not sweet and happy all the way, it was nevertheless enriching and fulfilling and satisfying at the end.

I also met up with the teachers! Haha, they are still the same, a lot of them still slogging their hearts out for the school and the students. Forever admire them, they are the ones who motivate and inspire me to be a teacher. Talking to them always never fail to make me look at things from a different point of view and learn more about the workings of life which will become useful as I come out to work in future. I must really aim to hit second upper by the end of my university education. Reality is harsh, if I want to make a difference in the education of a school, I must first strive to get a good foundation for me to climb up the career ladder rapidly and successfully. You must first have the authority and power before you can implement changes effectively. I will not let down the high hopes my teachers and collegues have of me. Also saw my 2 sec sch friends there as relief teachers, working like cows just like the way I did when I was a relief teacher there. Not just me being passionate about teaching oh! ;)

On the 3rd day was friends' day. Morning went Yun Li's house, afternoon went Camy's house and evening went Zhi Xuan's house. North to East and then West. Just the travelling alone almost killed me. But I am glad I travelled to the 3 different places today. The time spent was enjoyable for me, especially the later 2 houses. I really had fun, totally loving the company. Really apologetic to my friends outside university for not being able to spend more time with you guys. After this year, after this year and we shall catch up on lost times, I promise. Thanks for being ever so understanding towards me with regards to my busy and hectic schedule, really appreciate it very much. Like what I have always said, I do not know if all this I am doing right now at the expense of a lot of other things is worth it, but I will still do on as I know not doing so will cause me deep regret in life which I will live to bear for a long long time.

Had too good a break this CNY, now is the time to face the music already. Next week will be busy busy busy with a lot of things. Shall be super duper self-disciplined and chiong all my school work and cca commitments! Yea man, I believe therefore I can~ ^-^

I really need to get a grasp on my life already, meaning more self-discipline. I must get my life back on track before more craziness hits me in February and March. Seriously feeling my body not being as strong and lasting as it used to be a year ago. Exercise is really important in keeping one's health at the optimum. Must start kicking out all the lazy worms happily snugged up in all corners of my body!!! Tuning of body clock is also very important!!! Haha, maybe I can start to have a few CNY resolutions this year. Think the list is going to be pretty long ba. Hehehe. ^-^

Going Chinatown tonight!!! Going back Anderson Secondary School tomorrow!!! Haha, Xin Yu is a happy girl~ ;)

I am always the spoiler for myself, haha. Just want to say something before I forgot and the dreaded day arrives. :P I know for myself how this year is going to be a bit harsh on all our pockets and I definitely confirm plus chop plus stamp plus seal do not want to add on to it!!! So, please please please do not trouble or worry yourself over what to get for me if that happens to be on your mind.

Money should be spent wisely. So unless money is spent on things which people other than just myself alone can enjoy and benefit from, do not spend!!! If not, I wont be happy which defeats the purpose of buying me a present in the 1st place already correct? I am a firm believer of it is the thought that counts, having people remembering and sending me their well wishes are more than enough for me already. Xin Yu is a weirdo, accept it and love her for who she is ba~ ;) Thankew very much. :P

This year, I feel really very honoured to be part of the organising committee for the very 1st FASS Club project of Year 2008. I can still remember very vividly about Bike Ques 2007 when I was just helping as a station master at Pitstop Cafe. Whereas for this year I played a more active role by heading marketing and being the VComm (did I spell it correctly?) for the East side vehicle.

This project is also my very 1st attempt at doing marketing. And I must say that I am really very very very fortunate to have a great team and a great reputation which seniors have built up over the years. As it is the first attempt, there were a lot of things done any-o-how. I am slightly disappointed with my performance, hope that I will be able to do a better job for the next few projects. Praying hard and keeping my fingers super duper tightly crossed.

Actually I do not think it is very fair and right to compare a project that is being done consecutively no matter how similar is the nature of the project. This is because every single year the circumstances faced and the committee members involved are different a lot of times. However, I think it is still hard for people who have been through it twice not to compare the 2 years. I feel more attachment to the project this year as I was in the committee. I did more things. But it is also because of this that I felt there were so much which I could have done that I did not do as I have an unexplainable inertia stopping me. I think it will be more beneficial and worthwhile to look at this year's project objectively now that the project is over. See how and what can be done to improve on it such that the subsequent committee can built on what has been done and make the project even bigger in scale. THIS is the beauty of those projects which we are working so hard to make them successful. 前人种树，后人乘凉。

Chanced upon a list, one that many longs to be in. Some worked hard and got onto it just like they want to, whereas others can only dream about it and hope to see their name appear on the list one day. Sometimes will wonder if miracle will happen and I see "Tan Xin Yu" on the list, haha. :P Nevertheless, see a lot a lot, and I really mean a lot of familiar names on the list. At least 10 people on the list are my friends! I was rather surprised to see so many names which I know too. Haha, seeing the list early morning brightens my day as I feel so so so happy for all of them! Hapiness shared is happiness doubled! Sadness shared is sadness halved! ^-^