Yesterday, I received a call from an unknown number, it was from my uncle and it was to let me know that my grandma has been hospitalised for a surgery to remove some outgrow that burst. My heart was beating real fast after I ended the call... The memory of my grandpa in hospital 6 years ago gripped me cold and hard. It is only recently that my grandma has started accepting me back into her life, letting me go visit her, calling me on the phone to talk... I have just begun to do my part as her grand-daughter, I will not be able to forgive myself for the rest of my life if anything were to happen to her now... I am just not done with my part as her grand-daughter after all the ugly and complicated conflicts for the past years.

Luckily, the thing is not endangering to her life and the surgery is just a minor one. I went back to visit her again at hospital today and her surgery in the morning was very successful. Hospitals are never a place that elderly like, in fact they make them really anxious. I am thankful that this time round we were allowed more time and freedom to spend with my grandma. As the saying goes, "Time can heal all wounds". Even though the feelings between my father and his siblings are still sore and awkward, I am glad that I am able to connect well with one of my cousins at least. For now, I can only pray real hard on my own for my grandma's speedy recovery and that she will be able to go back home real soon. :)

I loved my trips to NTUC doing my little grocery shopping, especially when I have unexpected rewards. It has happened a few times only, but somehow never fails to make me feel real happy for the rest of the day. Like there will be times when you see a really good bargain of things which you will need and will buy anyway. And there will be times when they have small complimentary gifts if you purchase that item you will buy anyway.

Oh man, I am pretty sure I sound so aunty!!! But but but, it just makes me feel great when such things happen to me! LOL. I guess this can be called the principle of reciprocity, a marketing strategy used by companies to ensure that their customers (for example myself) keep buying their products. Why won't they when you keep doing little things here and there to make them happy when they least expect it? Little but crucial little things in life. :p

It has finally come to a point where he has spoken up and admit that there was a mistake made in the past. At first when I did not read into the whole article, I felt really hopeful and happy! Finally, there is hope for the survivial and improvement of standards in our Mother Tongue! But upon reading about what he said throughout, disappointment hits me once again, just harder this time round. On the surface, it seems that they have the interest of MT in mind. However on the whole, I am sorry but I beg to differ. I may not be able to construct a very strong argument here, but I just feel that way with my reasons.

I have nothing against using some EL to teach CL, but when it has been stated so clearly and emphasized so much, the people with authority will definitely go to extremes. And those below who have no choice but to follow, or who cannot be bothered to go against the system and just follow, in the end it will be a case of really using EL to teach CL completely. Be it instructions in class, teaching meanings itself, and maybe even in textbooks. Students will be start to develop reliance, and the standards will just keep dropping. But it is ok so long as they can use the language! CL is just a tool to use! I hate this perspective, but I cannot deny the fact that it will just be that to most people in Singapore.

He mentioned about using creative technology and new media to teach the children, it can develop interests in them but it is so limited when the general belief and attitude of their parents is still the same! And there are alot of teachers out there who have been trying for years what he only mentioned now, but the results they see are often not that encouraging. Unless people start seeing it as more than a language, start seeing it as a culture which we cannot afford to lose, start seeing it as part of their national identity, if not much efforts will just go down the drain. Maybe I am also being a little extreme here, but I really do not want all my students to see our Mother Tongue as just another language.

I guess there is no use complaining and lamenting about this fact which cannot be changed, or will most probably take super long to change. What I can do on my part is just to change the attitudes of as many students as possible about my beloved Mother Tongue. I just pray hard that I do not become jaded during the process. Oh well.

I had a dream last night, cannot remember the exact details of what happened. But one point struck me deep, I was happily and blissfully in love. Cannot remember when it will happen, cannot recall who my soulmate is, but it was definitely a very beautiful dream. Haha, if only dreams come true... :p

Once again, I went back all the way to my alma mater from school for the annual campfire. And once again, I did not regret my decision to travel all the way there.

It is always nice catching up with old friends, updating each other about current status-es, talking about past fond memories and asking about common friends.

It is also nice catching up with juniors, especially those whom you have spent much time and energy on training, teaching and "tekan-ing" (of course I am not one of those who tekan).

It is really heart-warming to be able to catch up with your students, somehow talking to them brings smile easily to my face, and simultaneously reignites the passion for my upcoming career.

But yesterday, it was much more. I was touched beyond words. I was deeply shaken. Talking to a junior this time round, I shared with him about the difficulties and differences during my times as NCO. The standoff between me and the rest which have always been a thorn in my heart. And I was surprised to hear his point of view after so many years. The fact that we had a diverse view and respective insistence on discipline and 1st-aid actually benefited the cadets as both aspects were carried out in the end, not just one aspect.

Talking to my students this time round, I happened to ask them jokingly if they kept those letters which I painstakingly exchanged with them every week, not expecting yes for an answer. But the fact is that they did keep the letters, even the male students whom I will not be surprised if they throw it away right after I left them. 3 years and they still kept the letters! The impact their such actions have on me is something I can never ever find words to describe. I had no idea I left such an impression on them...

On the bus back from AMK, I went down the road of my past memory and darn! I hell lot miss those days back in Anderson, be it as a student or as a teacher. The feeling was so strong it became painful. I was remorseful about not spending more time staying in touch with my juniors and students as my university commitments and responsibilities swallowed me whole. I know that we can never have everything in life we want, but it hurts nevertheless. It was also the 1st time in years I was proven to that hardwork will produce the results I want. Life is so short and unpredictable, I shall strive to make as many moments of mine as meaningful as possible. :)

Last but not least, everyone jiayou for the coming exams!!!

I went for blood donation again yesterday as the time has come when I can do something meaningful once again. :D I realised that it is actually not so easy to donate blood, and this time round it was my blood pressure which is on the low side. I prayed as per usual throughout and was able to eventually!

Before donating --> First and foremost, you must have waited 3 months from your previous donation. Secondly, not have been unwell for the past few days. Thirdly, you must not have taken any medicine or injections. Forthly, your blood pressure cannot be too low. Last but not least, your blood iron level cannot be too low.

Out of the 5 conditions mentioned above, there is only the 1st one which you can fully control. As for the rest, it really depends on your body conditions which you really have no control over what-so-ever! I just wish that my every single donation will go smoothly without any hiccups, if not will feel quite sad. :p

For the last time (at least in my undergraduate life), I will be doing this. I think I am a really weird person. Sometimes the discouraging words people say get to me and deter me from what I thought of doing, whereas other times the discouraging words can seem like they fall on deaf ears as I will be stubborn and insist on doing. Who is to say that this is no more the time to do it? Who is to say that this is the wrong way to do it? Who is to say that you are not the right person to do it? The world we live in is not about black and white, instead it is about a lot of grey areas where there is no absolute scale about anything.

Do not ask me if it is worthwhile doing so. Do not ask me if this is what I want. Do not ask me if I know what I am doing exactly. I am afraid I may not have the energy and conviction that are as strong as last time, and questions will just make me doubtful. Please do not doubt me for I have set myself on this journey once more. Support me if you can, I will be eternally grateful. There is no more backing out from this, I will hang in there for as long as I need to be.

为什么我的心跳仍然会因你而加速？儿女私情，我要撇开你！全心全意奋斗到底。

I used to think that my father's pessimistic view on life and everything about human beings would not rub in too deeply on me as I tried as much as possible to censor them on my own. However I have come to realise that being my father's daughter has made me to become who I am today, and there is no way to deny it no matter what efforts I have put in to change myself to the person whom I wished I can become. Especially when it comes to friendships.

My father has not been lucky when it comes to friendships. He was unfortunate enough to have been cheated by his friends three times in three different types of businesses when things are starting to pick up. Thus he is very cautious and highly selective on people whom he call friends. And of course as his children, we were taught from young that most (if not all) friends cannot be trusted, only your own family members and yourself can be trusted in this world.

Even though I keep telling myself that what happened to my father will definitely not happen to me, somehow unconsciously my actions and behavior towards close friends seem to tell otherwise. I can have very close friends, but those very intimate relationships somehow just do not last. Some people may say such things take two hands to clap, but I believe I have a significant part to play. I do not have faith in the 3 words: "Best Friends Forever"

I am really envious and jealous of people who have their BFFs since ages ago until now. I keep wondering how is it that I am not able to have such BFFs? Recently I have come to realise I moved on from friends to friends rather easily so long as the new friends are able to connect with me like my old friends do. This is bad, it is so practical, pragmatic and cold-blooded. There are some old friends whom I really want to reform the close bonds, but things have changed. It is too late. Ironically, it hurts when I was the one who moved on so easily.

I hope to change things, to stop such situations and history from repeating, to have intimate friendships that last like the mountains and the seas, not fleeting like the clouds. But I have no idea how, and where to start either. There is just so much to learn about life, about myself and about the people around me, I am trying my best. So to friends out there who were very close to me once, you will forever matter to me no matter how little I stay in touch. If it has been sometime since we last talked or chatted, feel free to contact me, it'll make my day. :)

After so many weeks of torture and suffering, it is left with the last 3+ weeks of school before my second last semester is coming officially to an end! Even though there were many a times I just feel like giving up totally, and there were a lot of times when it feels like time is moving on a snail pace, I must say on the whole time still flew me by. Thinking back all the things I have done, all the modules I am taking, all the presentations and projects I have completed, all the group mates I have met, all the new people I have gotten to know, all the experiences I have been through since start of semester, I must say I am a really lucky Year 4 soul. I survived so far without sacrificing in the process!!!

The worst should be more or less over unless suddenly every single thing that can screw up happen such! I definitely hope I am not so unlucky as to experience them just when I thought I have finally gotten my chance to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But there is a little part in me which still wishes that my grades can be not too bad despite the fact that I keep telling people I just want to make it past and grades arn't going to matter. The sad thing about living in this world is that many a times it is about the results and not the process (no matter what other people may want to fight against this, it is still a cold and harsh fact of life). If I can do relatively well this semester, then next semester will really be a time for me to thoroughly enjoy my last semester of university life and go ahead to do what I want to, for the last time. Because I heard the other institution I am going next year doesn't have a better life lined up for me.

And to think I thought my weeks in this semester couldn't have been any worse. Here I am blogging instead of working on the 5000words essay due 2359hrs today whose word count is 0, or starting on the 2 assignments due 1900hrs later which I have not even started. Sitting alone in the Chinese Honours room all by myself with all the reference books to be read through and quoted. I just wish for some time machine to fast forward everything until after exams when I can really take a proper breather since coming back from exchange. Now is time to show mind over body! But how to when it's my mind telling me no? LOL. Oh well.