I used to think that my father's pessimistic view on life and everything about human beings would not rub in too deeply on me as I tried as much as possible to censor them on my own. However I have come to realise that being my father's daughter has made me to become who I am today, and there is no way to deny it no matter what efforts I have put in to change myself to the person whom I wished I can become. Especially when it comes to friendships.

My father has not been lucky when it comes to friendships. He was unfortunate enough to have been cheated by his friends three times in three different types of businesses when things are starting to pick up. Thus he is very cautious and highly selective on people whom he call friends. And of course as his children, we were taught from young that most (if not all) friends cannot be trusted, only your own family members and yourself can be trusted in this world.

Even though I keep telling myself that what happened to my father will definitely not happen to me, somehow unconsciously my actions and behavior towards close friends seem to tell otherwise. I can have very close friends, but those very intimate relationships somehow just do not last. Some people may say such things take two hands to clap, but I believe I have a significant part to play. I do not have faith in the 3 words: "Best Friends Forever"

I am really envious and jealous of people who have their BFFs since ages ago until now. I keep wondering how is it that I am not able to have such BFFs? Recently I have come to realise I moved on from friends to friends rather easily so long as the new friends are able to connect with me like my old friends do. This is bad, it is so practical, pragmatic and cold-blooded. There are some old friends whom I really want to reform the close bonds, but things have changed. It is too late. Ironically, it hurts when I was the one who moved on so easily.

I hope to change things, to stop such situations and history from repeating, to have intimate friendships that last like the mountains and the seas, not fleeting like the clouds. But I have no idea how, and where to start either. There is just so much to learn about life, about myself and about the people around me, I am trying my best. So to friends out there who were very close to me once, you will forever matter to me no matter how little I stay in touch. If it has been sometime since we last talked or chatted, feel free to contact me, it'll make my day. :)