There is just so much potential, and I can foresee so much things happening in the near future. I have the vision, and I would loved to make them happen with the love, help and support from the necessary parties. However, passion sometimes have to give in to reality when circumstances does not allow for you to do everything you want in life. I can continue striving and pushing myself on, but I guess there is always a limit and ending point eventually. Hope it does not ever come to that stage.

Before that it was getting a little hard to convince myself of the reason which I am doing whatever I am doing even in my final year and semester of NUS life. But these few days, seeing things happening finally the way I wished so dearly for it to be, cheered me on greatly. Haha, guess I am that easily satisfied after all.

This is just the beginning, there is so much that can be done and achieved, thus the journey may just get tougher with lesser familiar support here and there. I see a bright and attractive final destination ahead, but I am not sure if I have the mental and physical capability to hang on until the end.

Another thing is the uncertainty which I feel every so strongly, like just one small mistake somewhere along and the whole thing will just come crumbling down. Plus not knowing how many I can persuade to come along this arduous path with me. Haha, should just stop thinking so much and enjoy the feeling of achievement so far! :)

Tired of being tired. Rushing for the sake of rushing. Pushing on just because you have to push on. Smiling as you should only be smiling. Happy, I want to be happy.

来自《败犬女王》的台词：“男人说谎是为了让自己好过。女人说谎是为了让别人好过，因为她们实在没有勇气去伤害自己喜爱的人。”

Cannot help but agree with this, especially the 2nd part. Maybe the 1st part is too much of a generalisation on males, but the 2nd part is true alot of times. I guess, at least for myself it is. :)

Really hate departures, be it those where you send people off to another country, those where people embarked on their different pathways in life after intersecting, or those where people you know have left the world where we exist.

It is so hateful because of the sad emotions that are drawn out when such departures happen in life. And it is especially bad when you know in your heart that there will never be another time when you see the person, you will most probably not be able to see the person again in your lifetime or you might not be able to interact with the person the way you did for so long previously.

But one thing about life is you are constantly meeting new people everyday or every week and you are also constantly parting ways with old people everyday or every week too. Just in the recent years, these type of departures either seem to appear more often in my life, or they seem to have a greater effect on me over the years as I age, bleah. Idiotic to the max but this is the system which we have all been thrown into, thus what other things can you do besides adapting well and playing around with the system right?

Ponned my ever 1st major seminar class today, decided to just not go, partly also because of pretty bad cramps but nothing matters anymore.

No motivations at all to go for classes, to do readings, to read up for essays, to research for papers etc. Totally not in the mood for school. This has been going about for some time, on and off, sometimes good sometimes bad.

Priority in life has rather suddenly underwent a rather drastic transformation. I feel like being on a crossroad not knowing if I should stop or continue walking on, not sure if my direction or bearing is right or wrong, not understanding my own mentality, attitude and thoughts many a times also. Oh well. *shrugs*

Been sleeping late and waking up early for the past few days, yet not being able to have the luxury of deep sleep as I am either dreaming about a lot of random things from all over involving people from all stages of my life so far and then jerking up awake thinking I am late for something, be it work or lessons.

Body feels like it is in a permanent state of high tension, and brain is not operating as much or as quickly as it should be. Problems that have somehow evaded me or have been keeping themselves in check suddenly hits me hard right smack in the face.. OUCH...

I cannot be like this for too long, having to have a bottle of coffee every single day to keep me going through the whole day. I want a break, I need a break, I yearn for a break.

Can I run away from all of this for a while? Even just one day is good enough, one day.

有谁不会渴望有一个能随时随地促膝谈心的对象？

有谁不会渴望有一个能随传随到解救自己的英雄？

有谁不会渴望有一个无时无刻牵挂思念自己的人？

有谁不会渴望有一个对自己不停呵护备至的王子？

有谁不会渴望有一个能对自己无比细心体贴的人？

有谁不会渴望有一个能轻易让自己开心幸福的人？

有谁不会渴望有一个你不必在他面前逞强的对象？

有谁不会渴望爱与被爱？但心中恐惧又有谁能了？

In life, there are alot of things which we cannot change as we are born into it. You cannot change your parents, you cannot change your race, you cannot change your genetic compositions and any thing else besides should by right be susceptible to changes.

However, these personal characteristics and family background which you have somehow makes changes for other aspects of your life harder. Yes, I know it is not impossible to make changes in your life, to improve and make things better. But, there is just so much inertia, so many different factors, and not forgetting all the bits and pieces from everywhere and anywhere which will just hinder your process of changing.

I may be just giving myself excuses by saying things have been always like that, there are some things and some people who just do not change no matter what, I already did all I could before so I give up trying when it failed. Yes, I do not deny my state of denial and my escapist mentality. I also want positive changes, I also want things to be better, I also want to do my part in making lives of people who matter alot to me to improve with time. But there are just so many a times I feel really tired trying, I do not know when I can stop trying and it is super draining as I am not that strong a person.

Despite all the talk above, and no matter how much I feel like giving it all up, somehow I would not as I have people whom I really respect and love motivating me on. And most importantly, I am too controlled and ruled by obligations, responsibilities and social norm to do anything drastically negative to myself even when they going gets damn tough. I will try, I may fail and fall, I shall just pick myself up and continue trying. If all else fails, at least I tried my best. Even if it is not the most important thing, at least I can answer to my own conscience isn't it? Random ramblings...